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Help With My Future-Book

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Old 03-30-2013, 07:11 AM
sunnymaboy (Offline)
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Hi, everyone. I just posted this cause I recently wrote a sort of Prologue for a book, there' no book yet, but I might work on it if I you guys can give me some ideas or advice, or even say if it's worth working on.Thanks in advance. The following is the prologue :-

Prologue
Ba’azul watched silently as the dark haired human boy descended the stairs, glancing worriedly in his direction as he did so. He had been haunting that space for three years now, taking refuge from the terrible evil that threatened to rise from ancient depths and over-shadow his world , but he had never been as confused, or admittedly, as agitated, as whenever he encountered that boy, who, although unable to see him, made Ba’azul feel as if he sensed………something. Agitated, he wondered why the human sensed anything at all. Had not the humans cast aside their glorious history, and the mystical powers that came with it? For this they had been dubbed the Fallen Race, the Forgotten Race, living their lives oblivious to the hidden truth, to the hidden world. At times Ba’azul had comforted himself that some humans retained enough remnants of the Great Mage’s magic to ensure them a ‘sixth sense’. But recently, Ba’azul had decided that this human boy contained something infinitely different to any other human he had ever seen. He sat silently, contemplating the possibilities. How, how, how? , he thought, when realization dawned upon him.”The Prophecy, the Prophecy!” he moaned.”How could I have not recognized the signs?” He shuddered at the possibility. Recollecting himself after a few moments, he decided that he must make haste. I hope for the sake of my endangered world, that it is not too late, he thought, thinking of the immense hardships lying ahead, and hoping that the boy had the potential to be all they had ever hoped for.

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Old 03-30-2013, 09:41 AM
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sunnymaboy,

First off, this sounds rather interesting for a story. I also liked the name, names are an important part of a character, I feel. It seems that you do have a good grasp on what you wish to portray, that is essential.
However, further elaboration and descriptive words could help. Elaborate on what Ba'azul is, perhaps? What he looks like or such as that.
Also, I'd work on describing the area around Ba'azul and the boy. All I understand from this is that there are stairs. Try to take the picture you have in your mind and write it down using descriptive words. Incorporate the fives senses in your writing, that is a very important part for all writers. Touch, taste, feel, sight, sound, these help your readers place themselves in that situation.
Finally, the word "Recollecting" just doesn't work for me. It feels not as smooth as it could be. Recalling perhaps or another synonym that fits best might fix that.
I do wish you all the luck with this piece as I feel it has the potential in it if you work at it.

Good luck,
M. G. Tran
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Old 03-30-2013, 01:35 PM
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How does the story end?

How do the struggles before him shape the story to that end?

In any meaningful story involving super powers there will come a scene where the hero faces the burden of his powers. Does he struggle in one morally ambiguous scene about the right thing to do? Is he tempted to abuse his powers for his selfish desires?

How do these conflicts contribute to the end
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Old 03-30-2013, 06:05 PM
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I once saw a movie called Sinister, where a supernatural demon possessed the souls of children and made them do terrible things. It's name was Bazul, though I'm not sure of the spelling, it may have been Ba'azul. Is this the reference?

I like the plot, though I have always been wary of prophecies. Prophecies, to me, are necessary in a plot on occasion, though in others, just serves an escape from reason or backstory or discovery. Don't get me wrong--my story has a sort of prophecy, but not really.
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Old 04-07-2013, 12:01 AM
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Thanks for the feedback. About the descriptiveness, I was afraid to describe too much in the prologue, because most of the prologues i've read are usually vague and misty, but i'll correct it

I haven't quite figured out the overall story yet, but I was thinking stuff like " dark forces threaten the very existence of both worlds, human and supernatural, and it is upto the hero to live upto the bright side of the Prophecy etc......"

I might lose the Prophecy, though it sounded good to me at first. I don't think iv'e watched that movie, I just kind of made up the name.

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Old 04-07-2013, 04:42 AM
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Good start--some SPaG issues but I wouldn't even bother with those until you finish your first draft of the book. You will most likely delete this whole chapter later.

dark forces threaten the very existence of both worlds, human and supernatural, and it is upto the hero to live upto the bright side of the Prophecy etc
This sounds like lots of fun! Go get plotting and start writing. Look into 'Quest' style plots, as this is probably the most fitting, structure-wise.
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Old 04-07-2013, 10:14 AM
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Plot sounds interesting, but the part about moaning "The Prophecy, the Prophecy" seemed cheesy to me
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Old 04-08-2013, 10:55 AM
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Sounds like an awesome idea, but not a fan of prophecies. They just seem really cliché to me. As a suggestion maybe you could go more indepth of how the boy starts exhibiting some powers other than the sixth sense unknowingly that are humanly impossible but he thinks are nothing unusual. Then Ba'azul can come to the relization he could use the boy to save his world? Up to you though this is your book we give advice but ultimately your name on it not ours

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Old 04-08-2013, 02:06 PM
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Sounds like a great idea, but may I advise avoiding the run on sentences makes my brain go
Have to agree with Odonne that the prophecy part was rather cheesy.
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Old 04-09-2013, 02:44 AM
sunnymaboy (Offline)
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Originally Posted by corrust View Post
Sounds like an awesome idea, but not a fan of prophecies. They just seem really cliché to me. As a suggestion maybe you could go more indepth of how the boy starts exhibiting some powers other than the sixth sense unknowingly that are humanly impossible but he thinks are nothing unusual. Then Ba'azul can come to the relization he could use the boy to save his world? Up to you though this is your book we give advice but ultimately your name on it not ours
Thanks for the feedback. I did have my doubts about the prophecy part, so i'm going to see what I can come up with
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