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  #61  
Old 06-06-2017, 02:36 AM
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Originally Posted by brianpatrick View Post
Meh... I pinged but there was no pong.

What's the matter, cat for your tongue?😆

Or did you fall asleep?
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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  #62  
Old 06-06-2017, 03:40 AM
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Never really thought about it terms of liking or disliking people on a forum. It's more about whether or not someone has anything interesting or entertaining or useful to say...
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  #63  
Old 06-06-2017, 04:48 AM
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Besides, I'm sure someone here likes you, moonpunter.

Maybe I can pass a note to someone you like during class or ask them at recess or after school if they like you back. Would that help?
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  #64  
Old 06-06-2017, 06:39 AM
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Originally Posted by Myers View Post
Never really thought about it terms of liking or disliking people on a forum. It's more about whether or not someone has anything interesting or entertaining or useful to say...
And you've really said nothing interesting or useful on this thread.
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  #65  
Old 06-06-2017, 06:42 AM
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Since you left it out, I must have said something entertaining.

Last edited by Myers; 06-06-2017 at 08:00 AM..
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  #66  
Old 06-06-2017, 08:19 AM
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Originally Posted by Myers View Post
Since you left it out, I must have said something entertaining.
You can think that if you want.
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  #67  
Old 06-06-2017, 02:10 PM
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Oh, I keep forgetting -- you need LOLs and smiling emojis to keep track of what's going on.

Sorry about that.
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  #68  
Old 06-06-2017, 03:14 PM
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Originally Posted by Myers View Post
The whole "go back and edit" thing is about knocking out a first draft and getting the story down so you don't get caught up in the details. It's a process thing -- and it's generally good advice.

It's not about expecting people to plow through your first draft before you've bothered to even try to make it as readable as possible.

And aside from respecting someone's time, these kinds of errors take readers out of the story -- so in the end, you're just shooting yourself in the foot.
In addition people should pay attention to their formatting, with spacing/paragraph breaks. It can be hard to get through the "Wall-O-Text"
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  #69  
Old 06-06-2017, 03:19 PM
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Oh, and this sort or vitriol is typically reserved for the Poetry section, where all our gentle souls gather.
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  #70  
Old 06-06-2017, 03:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Myers View Post
Oh, I keep forgetting -- you need LOLs and smiling emojis to keep track of what's going on.

Sorry about that.
No I'm the one who uses LOLs and emojis to help you keep track.
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  #71  
Old 06-06-2017, 03:53 PM
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Originally Posted by Mohican View Post
Oh, and this sort or vitriol is typically reserved for the Poetry section, where all our gentle souls gather.


Vitriol? Naw, this is just ball busting. I don't see anybody with hurt feelings.
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  #72  
Old 06-06-2017, 04:47 PM
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Originally Posted by chat bot View Post
how 'bout we all stop bitchin'


C'mon chit-chat! Where's the fun in that?
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  #73  
Old 06-06-2017, 06:12 PM
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the feels when there is a bunch of pages and no one is talking about my story
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  #74  
Old 06-06-2017, 06:27 PM
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Originally Posted by Filterdreaming View Post
the feels when there is a bunch of pages and no one is talking about my story


You inspired a broader conversation. You should be proud of that.
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  #75  
Old 06-07-2017, 01:56 PM
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Originally Posted by brianpatrick View Post
You inspired a broader conversation. You should be proud of that.
True.
However, it is her thread and we (me and the mouse in my pocket) need to follow forum form to the best of our ability.

I have read parts of it, Filter.
To my eye it goes on and on like a recipe book.

Could be a case of ADD or simply my American upbringing that is responsible for a psyche that is unattracted to something moving at such a stately pace.



Is there a particular aspect of this work you would like critiqued?
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  #76  
Old 06-07-2017, 02:19 PM
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Uh, yeah. I think I've seen you go off on plenty of tangents that may or may not have anything to do with a story or poem...
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  #77  
Old 06-07-2017, 02:54 PM
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Originally Posted by Myers View Post
Uh, yeah. I think I've seen you go off on plenty of tangents that may or may not have anything to do with a story or poem...

I credit such an ability to having lived in all of the Sixties and the early part of the Seventies.

Uh, I am presuming the comment was directed towards my post.

But enough shenanigans, where you at Filter?
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  #78  
Old 06-07-2017, 04:35 PM
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Originally Posted by Filterdreaming View Post
the feels when there is a bunch of pages and no one is talking about my story


You and I have different interests with regard to writing. I don't think my opinion will help you much.

Butó

The idea you present here is a bit done. I was instantly transported to the story about the girl who shoots arrows and has to fight for her life... oh, yeah... The Hunger Games. At least you didn't write in present tense. That is annoying.

The characters are not defined in any way that makes me want to keep reading. I know, I know, I'm not really your target audience.

For a YA title aimed at pre-teens and teens this is a pretty good effort.

I would work on basics like removing speech tags and giving these characters a little more depth. I don't necessarily mean back story, but a way of thinking that's unique in this world. Something that sets them apart. Maybe a little more dark reality.

The dialogue is okay in places, but reads like a teen is speaking. Humans don't really think like you write dialogue. To a teen, this life is desperately real. I want to see some desperately real thoughts in here.

I think you need to dig deeper into these characters and make them more three dimensional. Give them real life.

The story can stay simple, but the characters have to pop and feel real.
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  #79  
Old 06-07-2017, 05:49 PM
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i love present tense (with dirty stories)! i always wish my threads would go on and on without staying on topic. that way i get to bug the people who read my crap.
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  #80  
Old 06-07-2017, 05:52 PM
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Originally Posted by chat bot View Post
i love present tense (with dirty stories)! i always wish my threads would go on and on without staying on topic. that way i get to bug the people who read my crap.


We'll have a meeting and discuss what can be done to make this happen for you Chat.
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  #81  
Old 06-13-2017, 11:45 AM
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:< t~t
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  #82  
Old 06-13-2017, 01:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Filterdreaming View Post
:< t~t

Emoticon speak, eh?

Does this mean you are finished soliciting comments?
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  #83  
Old 06-14-2017, 07:32 AM
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Originally Posted by Filterdreaming View Post
the feels when there is a bunch of pages and no one is talking about my story
I think Moonpunter, Mohican, et al. said most of what's important: you need to get rid of that wall of text and clean it up at least a little bit. When I see a solid wall of words like that, I don't even read it, because I don't figure I'm here to knock a flow-of-consciousness into a basic, readable form. Put a little effort into it, clean it up, and I'll put some effort into it, also, and tell you what I think.
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  #84  
Old 06-14-2017, 10:42 AM
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Originally Posted by Prodigalson View Post
I think Moonpunter, Mohican, et al. said most of what's important: you need to get rid of that wall of text and clean it up at least a little bit. When I see a solid wall of words like that, I don't even read it, because I don't figure I'm here to knock a flow-of-consciousness into a basic, readable form. Put a little effort into it, clean it up, and I'll put some effort into it, also, and tell you what I think.

Yeah, what he said about what they said.

That being said it looks like she is gone.

Maybe she is feeling down under the weather and will return.
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  #85  
Old 06-26-2017, 07:17 AM
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Awkward moment when you get out of hospital and there are more comment. Great moment when they are about the story.
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  #86  
Old 06-26-2017, 04:40 PM
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Originally Posted by Filterdreaming View Post
Awkward moment when you get out of hospital and there are more comment. Great moment when they are about the story.
Oi.
And here I thought you'd run out on us.

Insensitive brute of a heart I have.
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  #87  
Old 06-27-2017, 02:10 PM
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Originally Posted by Nick Pierce View Post
Oi.
And here I thought you'd run out on us.

Insensitive brute of a heart I have.
haha no I just almost died (not really... I am just really ill)
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  #88  
Old 06-27-2017, 03:40 PM
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Originally Posted by Filterdreaming View Post
haha no I just almost died (not really... I am just really ill)

Let me tell you about my operations.
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Old 06-27-2017, 06:31 PM
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Then I'd have to tell you about my scars.
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  #90  
Old 06-28-2017, 01:53 PM
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Originally Posted by Prodigalson View Post
Then I'd have to tell you about my scars.

Well I'm ready to show my biggest one.

It starts at the navel the travels south until it stops (thank you Jesus) just before ... the thing is the doc needed an opening to get his hand in to untangle the intestine.

Hung it to the tailbone with some kind of mesh. Been there for years now. If it slips off ... well I digress.

Almost died, eh?
Been there. Came back. Forgot to get a t shirt.
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