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Onward, Bestiarii!

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  #1  
Old 08-12-2017, 10:07 AM
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Default Onward, Bestiarii!


"Onward, Bestiarii! Your time is now!” the other gladiators called, and Lucius ran into the arena. The sun bore down on him, and the sand shook beneath his feet as the crowd cheered at his appearance. He was in Rome, a prisoner who was forced into the arena. He was a Bestiarii, a beast fighter. They would loose lions on him to see whether or not he could survive.

He raised both arms, looking around and smiling. The arena rose hundreds of feet around him, every inch packed with people. He could feel the eyes on him, examining his leather armor, the loincloth he wore, and finally stopping on his weapons. The curving bronze blade of his siccae, and the rectangular blade of the gladius.

This allowed him to get to different fighting styles. The straight style of the gladius, and the curving, asymmetrical style of the siccae. Utilizing this, he could fluidly switch from an offensive style to a defensive style as the situation permitted.

"Welcome, my patrons, to the esteemed Roman Gladiator Arena!” The emperor called from his perch, the amphitheatre amplifying his voice so he could be heard. “To start our day of festivities, we shall see this Bestiarii fight two lions, born in blood and made to kill! Yes, the roman emperor is so great he finds lions to please his people!” The crowd cheered, drowning out any other noise in the arena. “ Let the fight begin!” The emperor called, raising his hands.

"I'll rip their hearts out and stuff them down their throats!” Lucius shouted, to the obvious joy of the crowd. He knew how to play the crowd. After all, the arena was for entertainment. If you didn’t it would mean your death. And often, this death wasn’t in the arena.

The gate at the other side of the arena slowly opened, and out walked two maned lions. They were almost as big as Lucius, who stood at 6 feet, and almost twice as broad. They looked at him with bloodlust in their eyes, and began circling him, one clockwise, one counter-clockwise. This was to force him to keep his back to one of them, he thought.

Lucius drew both his blades and mimed cutting his throat and pointed his gladius at the lions. The crowds cheered and the lions charged. For just a second time slowed down, and he could see the fur of the lions blowing in the wind as they leapt towards him. Their eyes were filled with hate and hunger, and suddenly Lucius knew they hadn’t eaten in several days.

He ducked and rolled to the side, and the lions landed, just barely missing his legs. With a flash he was up again, and the glint of the siccae let the crowd knew he was attacking. Both lions instinctively backed up at the swing of his sword, just as he expected. He dashed forward and swung at the lion to his left. Lefty lion dodged to her right, and Lucius did a pirouette, ending up behind the lion that was to his right. A quick flash of his gladius and a tail thumped to the ground.

The now tailless lion spun around, angry. It slashed it’s claws at Lucius, who stepped back and laughed, spouting insults at his opponents. The other lion, however, had gotten behind Lucis, and leapt, pinning Lucius to the ground.

Lucius could feel the hot breath of the lion on him, and the heavy weight of the beast's weight onto his chest; the hot sand on the back of his shaven head; the occasional feeling of the lion’s tail touching Lucius’ legs.

It extended it’s claws ever so slowly, ripping his armor and piercing his flesh. With a roar, Lucius swung his blades up, and the lion fell to his left, blood spurting from a severed artery. He stood up and was greeted with the claws of the second lion, ripping his armor off and leaving deep gouges in his chest.


Lucius cursed and advanced, swinging his blades in an arc. The lion jumped to Lucius’ right and pounced. Lucius stepped forward and swung both of his blades backwards. The lion yelped and crashed several feet from Lucius. His strike had cut off the lion’s front paw, and disemboweled it as well. Yet, it was still alive. It started whining, yet the crowd was so blood hungry they couldn’t hear.

Lucius frowned, in sadness and in pain from his wounds. “I will give you a quick death, friend. I owe you that much.” He walked to the lion, and with a hard strike of his gladius, decapitated the beast. The crowd screamed, clearly hungry for blood. Lucius fulfilled the threat he made earlier, again to the delight of the crowd.

“ And so the Bestiarii Triumphs over the beasts! Using his skill and vitality, man has conquered once again the savages of nature!” The emperor shouted, and Lucius walked back into the gladiator door.

“That was a hard won fight, Lucius. How much of it was playing the crowd?” A guard asked as he passed. “ Most of it. I could’ve killed them both when they pounced. I just had to give a show,” He said as a physician came to attend his wounds.

“All for the show, Lucius.” The other guard said.

Lucius smiled, “All for the show.”




( If anyone could perhaps tell me how the indent tool works, I will fix that grammar problem. Working on the rest.)


Last edited by Lockette; 08-12-2017 at 10:44 AM.. Reason: capitalization, spelling, grammar, minor changes to make things sound better
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  #2  
Old 08-12-2017, 02:04 PM
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"Left lion dodged to her right"...should be dodged to his right. You said they both have manes, so we know they are both male.

The third paragraph, explaining his weapons, interrupts the flow of narrative. I think you need to incorporate that detail more seamlessly elsewhere. It read as text bookish.

"For just a second time slowed down." Comma after 'second' - I tripped on the sentence.

This painted vivid scenes. To be honest, how much of that is down to your prose, and how much is down to seeing Gladiator five or six times i'm not sure...

Enjoyed the read Lockette and a refreshing choice of subject. x
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Old 08-12-2017, 04:36 PM
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Very well written, and I enjoyed reading this. Really good work. I saw a few minor things but I think Grace pointed them out.

My only gripe with this? I just can't see a man fighting off two grown lions. I could be way off here, but it seems unreal to me. I was half-expecting the gladiator to reveal some sort of superpower at the end.
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Old 08-12-2017, 05:15 PM
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Originally Posted by JesseK1213 View Post
.
My only gripe with this? I just can't see a man fighting off two grown lions. I could be way off here, but it seems unreal to me. I was half-expecting the gladiator to reveal some sort of superpower at the end.
I agree entirely. This is probably one of the only plot holes I noticed after writing it. One lion seemed a bit dull. I felt that Lucius as a more experienced Bestiarii would warrant more of a challenge. Especially giving the bloody finishes that the crowd would want. And hey, suspension of disbelief.

I went over the part Grace mentioned several times and fixed one of said pronouns, but seemed to miss that one entirely. Thanks for catching it.

Thanks for the positive reviews. Gladiatorial stuff has always interested me and it was fun to write.
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