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Contest Results l Poetry l Picture Prompt (Oct 2007)

 
 
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Old 10-31-2007, 05:32 AM
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Default Contest Results l Poetry l Picture Prompt (Oct 2007)


It is always interesting to see how different people can conjure different views and interpretations from the same image. All of the submitted poems were strong reflections of the pictures, so all of the entrants should be commended. And very hearty thank you goes out to our guest judges this month, o'connell and chloe.spencer, who both did an excellent, prompt job.

Congratulations to starrwriter for winning this month!

starrwriter 18.3
Lorlie 17.5
gary_wagner 17
Tau Worlock 16.7
Blackwolf 16.6
Denisek 16.5
super sorry 16.1
_zeb_ 14.8
KennethWSeay 13.9
jazen 13.7



Originally Posted by Icarus View Post
Member: _zeb_
Title: No Luck in Love

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 3.5/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Interesting switch to the second narrator, even though it wasn’t entirely clear at first. I think that overall this would have worked better as a short story than a poem, but it was a valiant attempt.

Score: 13.5/20

*****

Member: BlackWolf
Title: none

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

I like the idea behind this and specifically the lines “No doubt, if we spoke, my love would dissipate” because I think we have all done this kind of idealization at some point.

Score: 15/20

*****

Member: Denisek
Title: Winter Renewal

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

This seems to be lacking in punctuation and it doesn’t strike me as the type of poem that can do without. I also wish the connection to the picture had been a bit stronger.

Score: 15/20

*****

Member: starrwriter
Title: The Fog is Death That Visits Me

Mechanics: 4.5/5
Intangibles: 4.5/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Good rhythm and rhymes—it reads nicely out loud. The phrase “A shooting star that sealed a door” seems a little too vague in comparison to the rest of the poem and I’m a fan of punctuation in poetry, but I like the overall feel of mystery and the ending very much.

Score: 17/20

*****

Member: Lorlie
Title: In shadows

Mechanics: 4.5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

I like the final verse a lot, but some of the earlier rhymes feel a little forced. Also, I think there would be a better alternative to “fleshy feet,” which just made me grimace and lose focus.

Score: 16.5/20

*****

Member: gary_wagner
Title: Behind the clouds

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

The lack of punctuation caused me to get a little lost—everything ran together, which I don’t think was the effect you were looking for. Interesting rhyme scheme, though; it was effective without being overly obvious.

Score: 16/20

****

Member: Tau Worlock
Title: Blue Star Rising: Running fog

Mechanics: 4.5/5
Intangibles: 4.5/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

You used the repetition effectively, I think, and I really like two images in particular: shipwrecked cloud and slithering into fog. You could improve this by working on the final verse, which fell a little short, I think.

Score: 17/20

*****

Member: super sorry
Title: Lovely Power

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4.5/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Very interesting take on the photo! I like the idea behind this very much. It’s a little unclean—some of the line breaks sound off and the first stanza should not be broken with a period. Otherwise, I love how you turned this from mushy predictability to something far more intriguing.

Score: 16.5/20

*****

Member: jazen
Title: waiting

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 6/10

This does a decent job of capturing the basics of the picture; however, it does little more than that. I would have liked to have seen you try to go beyond the obvious and reach for something less tangible.

Score: 13/20

*****

Member: KennethWSeay
Title: none

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Interesting idea to use the picture to prompt a memory, especially since it’s in sepia. I like the thought behind this, but I think it needs fleshing out, in fact I think it would work better as a short story. As it is, it’s not so much a poem, per say, as it is broken up lines.

Score: 13/20
Originally Posted by BreezyWriter View Post
Member: _zeb_
Title:
2--
No Luck in Love
Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Comments: Nice follow through on the subject at hand, giving a nice impression of the discription of the photo. The poem goes from the first person to the third person. The stanza needs fixing. What I find important is the fact that the message got across.
Score: 14 /20
-------------------------------------------------------
Member: Blackwolf
Title:
2-- There she sits

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Comments:Nice wording, though the poem is inconsistant in its stance.
Score: 14/20
-------------------------------------------------------
Member: Denisek
Title:
1 -- Winter Renewal

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Comments: Nice comparison from nature withering to self dilapidating evanescing. Nicely written stanza.
Score: 14/20
-------------------------------------------------------
Member: starrwriter
Title:
1 -- THE FOG IS DEATH THAT VISITS ME

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 9/10

Comments: The stanza is good along with the rhyming. This poem is the closest I’ve ever read to being perfect.
Score: 19/20
-------------------------------------------------------
Member: Lorlie
Title:
1 -- In shadows

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5 /5
Overall Impression:8 /10

Comments:Very close to perfection. Though some of the syllables didn’t quite fit. The stanza was good as well as the wording and the rhyming.
Score: 18/20
-------------------------------------------------------
Member: gary_wagner
Title: 1 --
Behind the clouds
Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5 /5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Comments: Different, nice. The stanza seems forced. Some of the wording stikes me as somewhat odd.
Score: 17/20
-------------------------------------------------------
Member: Tau Worlock
Title:
1 --
Blue Star Rising: Running fog
Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 9/10

Comments: Wonderful piece. Though it felt like most lines could have had their own space.
Score: 18/20
-------------------------------------------------------
Member: super sorry
Title:
3 -- Lovely Power

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 10/10

Comments: The words alone bring an image that lets the imagination run. Nice going. The only problem I have with this one is that nearly every paragraph reads like a sentence.
Score: 18/20
-------------------------------------------------------
Member: Jazen
Title:
2 -- untitled

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 9/10

Comments: The images this one provokes lets one see what is going on without actually being there.
Score: 17/20
-------------------------------------------------------

Member:KennethWSeay
Title:
3 -- untitled

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: /10

Comments: The structure of the poem is difficult to follow. Making the poem seem sporadic. Talking about one thing then another.
Score: 16/20
Originally Posted by o'connell
Member:_zeb_
Title:#2 No Luck In Love
Mechanics:4/5
Intangibles:4/5
Overall:7/10
Total:15/20
Comments:Great idea for the piece,I think it reads a bit like prose in parts though.The final verse doesn't really work for me ,it seems like an explanation of the preceding ones.

Member:Blackwolf
Title:#2
Mechanics:5/5
Intangibles:5/5
Overall:9/10
Total:19/20
Comments:I really liked this,the tone was spot on.The speaker being an observer and stranger worked perfectly for me.

Memberenisek
Title:#1 Winter Renewal
Mechanics:4.5/5
Intangibles:5/5
Overall:8.5/10
Total:18/10
Comments:Nice work, interesting themes brought up, not the strongest connection to the picture I thought though.

Member:Starrwriter
Title:#1 THE FOG IS DEATH THAT VISITS ME
Mechanics:4.5/5
Intangibles:5/5
Overall:9/10
Total:18.5/20
Comments:I really liked this piece.Good rhyme and rhythm,flowed nicely."willy-nilly", a term not used enough but I thought it, a bit out of place here.Great dramatic title.

Member:Lorlie
Title:#1 In shadows..
Mechanics:5/5
Intangibles:5/5
Overall:9.5/10
Total:19.5/20
Comments:Great work, picture perfect,flowed nicely from start to finish with the exception of "necromancer".I think you could have dropped the "s" from "yawns" too.Nice one.

Member:gary_wagner
Title:#1 Behind the clouds
Mechanics:4.5/5
Intangibles:5/5
Overall:8/10
Total:17.5/20
Comments:Well written and thought provoking but I didn't really connect with it.The rhyming scheme felt a bit awkward in places.Rearranging the second verse into rhyming couplets flowed better for me although the line arrangement was obviously deliberate, it may have been lost on me.

Member:Tau Worlock
Title:#1 Blue Star Rising: Running Fog
Mechanics:5/5
Intangibles:4.5/5
Overall:7.5/10
Total:17/10
Comments:Nice work,I really liked the second verse"veiled by shipwrecked cloud", great line.I thought the final verse was a bit weak.

Member:super sorry
Title:#3 Lovely Power
Mechanics:4/5
Intangibles:4/5
Overall:6/10
Total14/20
Comments:Interesting idea,I think it could have been expanded a bit , the sudden change of heart felt unconvincing to me.

Member:jazen
Title:#2
Mechanics:4.5/5
Intangibles3.5/5
Overall:5.5/10
Total:13.5/20
Comments:Short and sweet,a lot of repitition.I'm sorry to say I didn't really feel for this.

Member:KennethWSeay
Title:#3
Mechanics:4/5
Intangibles:4/5
Overall:7/10
Total:15/20
Overall:A good idea very different,there was a couple of spelling errors and parts I didn't quite get.I think if expanded a bit it would work better.
Originally Posted by chloe.spencer
Member: _zeb_
Title: No Luck In Love (Picture #2)
Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7/10
Score: 15/20

Comments: I liked the way we discovered that the narrator had been reading from a piece of paper. Mostly I felt the overall flow was okay, but there were some areas where I actually found myself skimming to the next line. I'd like to see you try and write a structured piece Zeb, because that was what I felt this lacked the most. I did feel, however, that you provided a great story for Picture #2.

Member: BlackWolf
Title: Untitled (Picture #2)
Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 9/10
Score: 17/20

Comments: One tiny spelling mistake, and a few spots where the flow just disappeared affected the score of this, BlackWolf. I loved some parts of this piece, the words just seemed to fit, and it was a fitting poem for Picture #2. The four lines beginning with "The heaven scent" were my favourite, I think.

Member: Denisek
Title: Winter Renewal (Picture #1)
Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 8/10
Score: 18/20

Comments: I liked this piece a lot, Denise. I thought it was structured well, although I wasn't sure about the punctuation, it seemed a little 'off' to me. Some of the language struck me as being fairly common, but the first line of the first three verses counteracted that for me. Consistently structured, and good flow.

Member: Starrwriter
Title: The Fog Is Death That Visits Me (Picture #2?)
Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 9/10
Score: 19/20

Comments: It rhymes, it suits the pictures to a tee and I loved it. Up until the last verse, I thought it was pretty good.. and then I thought it was great. Nicely done, Starr.

Member: Lorlie
Title: In Shadows (Picture #1)
Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10
Score: 16/20

Comments: While I enjoyed reading this, I felt that with the rhymes and the language being so simple, it really did detract from the poem. There were a few places where you could have used punctuation for greater impact, and I was disappointed that you didn't take advantage of those. Overall, a nice, if simple read.

Member: Gary Wagner
Title: Behind the Clouds (Picture #1?)
Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 8/10
Score: 18/20

Comments: Although this was beautifully put together, Gary, I didn't connect with it. I read the words, but did not feel anything. I did like the rhyming, and I thought that the language was complicated enough that the simple rhymes worked for this piece. On a personal level, although this was beautifully written, it did not convey emotion to me as a reader.

Member: Tau Worlock
Title: Blue Star Rising; Running Fog (Picture #1)
Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 7/10
Score: 14/20

Comments: Tau, when I saw the title of this piece, I got excited. I don't know why; the title conjured up wonderful, beautiful images for me. Unfortunately, when I read this piece, it failed to deliver. Although the verses were connected by the repetition of 'run', the poem did not really convey a lot to me as a reader.

Member: Super Sorry
Title: Lovely Power (Picture #3)
Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 7/10
Score: 16/20

Comments: I liked this piece, but the structure of it threw me a little. The line breaks seemed a little random; I couldn't figure out exactly why you had cut lines off when you did. I did really like the fact that you chose to write from the point of view of someone who wasn't even in the picture, but was an observer. I thought that was clever.

Member: Jazen
Title: Waiting (Picture #2)
Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 4/10
Score: 10/20

Comments: I'm terribly sorry for the harsh scoring, but this is a very short, simple poem that did not convey anything to me as a reader. The repetition did not add anything in my opinion.. did you write this quickly, or in a rush? I'm sure that you could do better.

Member: KennethWSeay
Title: Untitled (Picture #3)
Mechanics: 2/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 5/10
Score: 10/20

Comments: Once again, I am sorry for the harsh scoring. There were several spelling mistakes in this, and the structure seemed very random. The content of the poem itself, although parts of it were connected, seemed haphazard and parts of it didn't make sense to me. As I said to Jazen above, I'm sure that you could do better than this.
Originally Posted by aprilrain View Post
Member: _zeb_
Title: No Luck In Love
Mechanics: 4.5/5
Intangibles: 4.5/5
Overall Impression: 7.5/10
Score: 16.5/20

Comments: Had you stopped before the last stanza, I would have thought “nice, but nothing special.” I really liked the twist, though, and enjoyed pondering what might happen now that her message has been read.


Member: BlackWolf
Title: Untitled
Mechanics: 4.5/5
Intangibles: 4.5/5
Overall Impression: 9/10
Score: 18/20

Comments: I like everything about this--the unspoken, unrequited love and the knowledge that it will be ruined if it goes beyond that. The coffee beans/uncensored dreams lines seem out of place from the rest of the poem, but I also like how they roll off the tongue, so I’m torn on whether to delete them. Great overall.


Member: Denisek
Title: Winter Renewal
Mechanics: 4.5/5
Intangibles: 4.5/5
Overall Impression: 8.5/10
Score: 17.5/20

Comments: The 1st and 3rd similes are related both through the flora/fauna connection and their tie to winter’s effect. Change the 2nd one to something similar and you’ll have a great poem on your hands. Nice read.


Member: Starrwriter
Title: The Fog Is Death That Visits Me
Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4.5/5
Overall Impression: 8.5/10
Score: 18/20

Comments: Solid rhyme and imagery. The whole poem has a gray, misty fog “feel” to it. I enjoyed this.


Member: Lorlie
Title: In Shadows
Mechanics: 4.5/5
Intangibles: 4.5/5
Overall Impression: 8.5/10
Score: 17.5/20

Comments: Very creepy and powerful. I love the phrasing in the last stanza.


Member: Gary Wagner
Title: Behind the Clouds
Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7.5/10
Score: 16.5/20

Comments: Best read aloud, I liked how the words sounded together, and the rhyme scheme was interesting. The meaning itself did not touch or affect me, though.


Member: Tau Worlock
Title: Blue Star Rising; Running Fog
Mechanics: 4.5/5
Intangibles: 4.5/5
Overall Impression: 8.5/10
Score: 17.5/20

Comments: The urgency of the words and the fact that this can be read on several levels made this enjoyable and worth a second read.


Member: Super Sorry
Title: Lovely Power
Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4.5/5
Overall Impression: 7.5/10
Score: 16/20

Comments: I liked that you took that picture in a completely different direction--very creative. The lines “as he burst from/within, and showed/his beautiful love” didn’t feel right to me. Maybe it was the word “burst.” Also, replace the period with a comma after “love.” Otherwise, I enjoyed this.


Member: Jazen
Title: Waiting
Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7/10
Score: 15/20

Comments: Simple and short, but I still liked it. You certainly could have expanded this to pull the reader in more and make them “feel.” The comma at the end makes it seem unfinished.


Member: KennethWSeay
Title: Untitled
Mechanics: 4.5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7/10
Score: 15.5/20

Comments: It took a couple of readings to grasp the thought process, since this really felt like 2 different poems with completely different emotions attached to them. I like the idea of both but need my focus on one or the other.

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  #2  
Old 10-31-2007, 05:58 AM
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Well congrats to starrwriter, again.
and to all the others for taking part

Thank you judges for the effort.

So I have to work on that last verse. Hmm that is going to be thought.

Chloe sorry for that, I think the problem comes from Blue Star Rising the actual title is Running Fog. Blue Star Rising is actually a short story of mine. When I saw the picture prompt pic 1 reminded me of a scene out of that. So I entitled it as such to connect it to the short story.
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  #3  
Old 10-31-2007, 08:39 AM
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Thanks to everyone who gave my poem high marks.

(I should quit writing poetry while I'm ahead. Somebody stop me before I rhyme again.)
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Old 10-31-2007, 08:47 AM
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Congrats, Starr! Is there no end to your talent?

And well done to everyone else for some great efforts.

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Old 11-01-2007, 02:13 AM
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Congrats Starr, you deserved it.

I think everyone did a great job, and it was great to see such a large turnout for the monthly competition. =)
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Old 11-01-2007, 04:38 AM
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Congratulations, Starrwriter. I tried something a little different this month. What I wrote was a Petrarchan (Italian) sonnet and the rhyming scheme and structure are somewhat rigid. It was fun as always and I appreciate the time the judges put into this.
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Old 11-05-2007, 11:17 AM
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Hey eveyone,

Thanks so much for the votes and the comments. It was a great exercise to take part in, I enjoyed it immensely.
Congrats Star and to all who took part.

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