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Contest Results l Poetry l Food (Sept 2007)

 
 
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  #1  
Old 10-03-2007, 06:07 AM
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Default Contest Results l Poetry l Food (Sept 2007)


Queen of Wands may add another virtual trophy to her mantle for her well-written poem, Masterchef. All of the poems certainly titillated our taste buds, though. Excellent job, everyone.

Also, I would like to extend a huge thanks to gary_wagner and Tau Worlock for being our guest judges this month. Much appreciated!

Queen of Wands 18.6
chloe.spencer 18
starrwriter 17.5
jazen 16
_zeb_ 15.4

Originally Posted by aprilrain View Post
Member: Queen of Wands
Title: Masterchef

Spelling/Grammar: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall: 9.5/10

Score: 19.5/20

For a quick write, this was fantastic. Perfectly rhymed and flawless rhythm--almost Seuss-like! Loved it.
__________________________________________________ _____
Member: starrwriter
Title: Ode to Gluttony

Spelling/Grammar: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall: 9/10

Score: 18/20

The rhythm in the second stanza trips up a little, but otherwise this is stellar. I even love the last stanza so much, I want to steal it for my signature.
__________________________________________________ _____
Member: _zeb_
Title: Cafeteria Food

Spelling/Grammar: 3/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall: 8.5/10

Score: 15.5/20

Great topic and I love the ode to ketchup at the end. This almost felt like an essay written in poetic form. Watch the overuse of unnecessary commas.
__________________________________________________ _____
Member: chloe.spencer
Title: Treat Yourself

Spelling/Grammar: 5/5
Intangibles: 4.5/5
Overall: 9/10

Score: 18.5/20

I asked the entrants to make us hungry and you succeeded. What struck me was how artfully you rhymed words that aren’t perfect rhymes of one another, but yet it worked. Great poem.
__________________________________________________ _____
Member: jazen
Title: Christmas

Spelling/Grammar: 4.5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall: 8.5/10

Score: 17/20

Nice tie with food in every stanza to invoke that familiar Christmas “homey” feeling. I liked the truly original lines the best (“Chocolate melting in eager mouths”) so try to break free from some of the overly used imagery to create your own unique vision of this time.
Originally Posted by gary_wagner
Member: Queen of Wands
Title: Masterchef
Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 9/10
Total: 18/20
Comments: A fun piece. Your meter was spot on in most cases, and not off enough to really matter in a few. Nice rhyme with salmon. Gammon is a term rarely heard here. I did feel like something was lacking in the final stanza compared with the bouncy fun feel of the rest of the poem. Good poem, overall.

Member: Starrwriter
Title: ODE TO GLUTTONY
Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7/10
Total: 15/20
Comments: A bit of cheeky humor. There were a few places where you have to twist the words around a little to make it fit into the rhythm you established with the first stanza. A few of your rhymes were also a little loose – for instance, starchy and pastry rhyme in only the last syllable and that is quite a push for a rhyme. Be careful writing things like this or someone might call you a poet.

Member: _zeb_
Title: Cafeteria Food
Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 6/10
Total: 13/20
Comments: This was more of a Seinfield type bit of humor rather than a poem, but it was funny. Some concentration on rhythm and line breaks could help this. The final line doesn’t make much sense, grammatically – the “devote thee to you” part. Overall a funny bit

Member: Chloe.spencer
Title: Treat Yourself
Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7/10
Total 16/20
Comments: What a sweet poem. I think I gained two pounds just reading it. The first stanza started me down a path of rhythm and rhyme that was then lost in the second stanza. The rhythm was still there, but without the same rhyme pattern as the first stanza, it didn’t feel quite right. You picked up the rhyme in the rest of the stanzas (although sugar and finger is a bit of a stretch). “I’ll smack your finger” was about the only part that didn’t sound natural, but not enough to deter from the overall poem. Nice work.

Member: jazen
Title: Christmas
Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 6/10
Total: 14/10
Comments: A comforting portrait of Christmas. The detraction here was the use of such often used Christmas phrases from songs and children’s books (“Chestnuts roasting on an open fire”, “St Nick will soon be here”, “Sugars and spice and all things nice”) There’s nothing wrong with these phrases but too many and the poem feels like a collection of other people’s words. You also lost the rhyme and rhythm you started with the first stanza. The first stanza usually sets the tone for the rest of the poem and when you stray from it, it gives it a more random feel. I think with a few touches to word some of these thoughts in your own way would make this a nice poem to keep around and read aloud on Christmas days to come.
Originally Posted by BreezyWriter View Post
Member: Queen of Wands
Title:
Masterchef
Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 10/10

Comments: One of the best poems I’ve ever read, nice stanza. Loved the end. Got a few chuckles out of me.
Score: 20 /20
-------------------------------------------------------
Member: Starrwriter
Title:
ODE TO GLUTTONY

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 10/10

Comments: Wonderfully written giving reason to the poems title.
Score: 20/20
-------------------------------------------------------
Member: _zeb_
Title:
Cafeteria Food

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 10/10

Comments: A good reminder of time gone by. Nicely written reminding me why I almost always brought sandwiches to school. The only problem I have would be in removing all of those commas.
Score: 19/20
-------------------------------------------------------
Member: chloe.spencer
Title:
Treat Yourself

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4.5/5
Overall Impression: 10/10

Comments: Extremely well done. Personally I give you a few +++’s you’ve done a wonderful job. My only irks are all those commas. I loved the style and the picture it created for me. The rhyming was right on. Wonderfully done.
Score: 19.5/20
-------------------------------------------------------
Member: Jazen
Title:
Christmas

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 10/10

Comments: I loved the tone you used. The rhyming was slightly off but the wording is good. My biggest irks here are all those commas
Score: 19/20
Originally Posted by Tau Worlock
Well done, great entries from all of you, they where delicious.

Member: Queen of Wands
Title: Masterchef

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Comments: I like it, my only problem lies with the rhythm. Over all it is very good, but in some lines it is out of step, due to the words being used. For example: ‘Pastas, pies, roasts and stews’. Maybe it is just me but I can’t read that to the rhythm that my mind picked up in the first two stanzas, any way well done.

Score: 17/20


Member: Starrwriter
Title: ODE TO GLUTTONY

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Comments: once again well done, again my only issue is with certain words that trip me up when reading a line, mocking any sense of flow I might have had. So what is your favourite sin?

Score: 17/20


Member: _zeb_
Title: Cafeteria Food

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 6/10

Comments: I could not get into this, sorry. Somehow this felt like a piece non-fiction instead of a poem. Though I have to agree about cafeteria food, it is inedible. And I rather not know what is in it.

Score: 14/20


Member: chloe.spencer
Title: Treat Yourself

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 9/10

Comments: I had to go to the kitchen after the second verse and find something to eat, sadly I could only find some grapes and a bagel, which is nothing compared to all the delights you have written up.

Score: 18/20


Member: jazen
Title: Christmas

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Comments: I can see potential here but there are still a few cooking mistakes. For example ‘Carrots and pies by the mantelpiece,’ when reading this line the rhythm stands at odes with the flow of the rest of the poem (more or less). Another thing you mention food but the overall topic is Christmas.

Score: 14/20

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  #2  
Old 10-03-2007, 06:14 AM
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Congratulations, Queen of Wands! =) I couldn't have lost to a worthier opponent.
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Old 10-03-2007, 11:39 AM
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And I thought you would win, Chloe - you had me salivating, m'dear!

Starr, you made me laugh!

Zeb, what an excellent description of school dinners!

And Jazen, I can smell Christmas already (and I love Christmas, especially all the baking)!

Thank you, judges all. You are too kind, and I mean that sincerely. Misguided, perhaps, but kind. I wish I could award everyone with a wee giftie from my kitchen!
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Old 10-03-2007, 11:55 AM
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Misguided? How so.
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Old 10-03-2007, 01:36 PM
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So what is your favourite sin?
I'll never tell.
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Old 10-03-2007, 01:38 PM
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Originally Posted by Tau Worlock View Post
Misguided? How so.

Oh, Tau, nothing personal, but had it been me, I would have voted for Chloe.

Starr, you are a winder-upper!
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Old 10-03-2007, 03:44 PM
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Well me thinks it should have been Chloe as well (cheek the scores) but as I have no say in the matter it wasn’t .
Why do you think I would take it personal (as saying that it isn’t means that you though I might take it that way, not that I ever would).

The only thing I did not like about this contest is that I missed the deadline to submit Cinnamomum verum. But judging the other entries more then made up for it, as they where truly delicious.

Oh and star do tell, please.
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Old 10-03-2007, 05:59 PM
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Well, there you go.. I actually thought Starr would win this one.
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Old 10-04-2007, 01:01 AM
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Originally Posted by Tau Worlock View Post
Well me thinks it should have been Chloe as well (cheek the scores) but as I have no say in the matter it wasn’t .
Why do you think I would take it personal (as saying that it isn’t means that you though I might take it that way, not that I ever would).

The only thing I did not like about this contest is that I missed the deadline to submit Cinnamomum verum. But judging the other entries more then made up for it, as they where truly delicious.

Oh and star do tell, please.
Oops! Just checked the judging and you did place Chloe first. So we're in agreement, then. Pity you missed the deadline, because I think Cinnamomum Verum would have given us all a run for our money!
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Old 10-04-2007, 03:43 AM
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In its current stat it might have, but not in its original state. Plus the work you lot submitted was way way better.
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Old 10-04-2007, 04:25 AM
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Originally Posted by Tau Worlock View Post
Oh and star do tell, please.
Sorry, my 300-pound Samoan attorney advises me not to on grounds that my answer might incriminate me.
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Old 10-04-2007, 04:56 AM
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Well, I suppose we wouldn't want him to do the haka on you and turn you into a bowl of poi.
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Old 10-04-2007, 04:03 PM
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Congratulations Queen of Wands, you've done wonderfully. I'm still chuckling.
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