The last shit I'll ever write.
Learn from my mistakes, I'm no angel but this story needs to get off my chest. It's so late... time to go to bed Don't enjoy this because it's fucking horrible, nothing's real.
It was about three years ago since we met, me and that girl outside her apartment. I shouldn’t say so much but I did think she’d be a lot taller, damn Instagram-filters these days have you tricked from day one. Wise words once spoken said, “Everything is fake trust me none that lovely”, I finally agree and understand. I just have to fill these lines to walk on with my life. For me most of my time everything is fucked up, we all just want to be loved before we vanish. I write in broken English but who cares. I only write when my tales are true that’s when I suffer the most.
We met and said the usual “hi” and then gave each other a hug. It’s nice to finally meet you, we then we went straight to your place. A cup of tea and some snacks, I remember it like it was yesterday. You probably didn’t notice but I was fucked up psychosis or rather suffering from derealization.
I could probably never describe how I felt but things we’re so mentally tough so I could barely keep my eyes opened. I almost thought as if the whole situation was just a hallucination created in my mind. I seriously thought I was sitting alone with myself in an empty abandoned house on some old chair. I couldn’t believe that it was real.
She was a young and petite little girl and she seemed rather happy. How the fuck is this possible, excuse my profanity but these words are needed. I haven’t slept for weeks and my eyes are so baggy – I haven’t been drinking or eating well for days. I don’t want this anymore; my life has been shit for so long and now this? Love doesn’t exist for a fucker like me; love is weakness so why do I proceed? The night goes on and we watch a move, there’s some chemistry and it’s pretty cozy with all the lighten candles. Wait a minute, this can’t be true… this can’t even be possible.
Do not make yourself vulnerable kid, nothing good has ever come from you doing so and it never will. Fuck it, you stupid fuck you do it anyways and you’ll regret it because it’s a mistake. As we continue to watch the movie my intoxicated thoughts overwhelms me and I feel the itching, the crawling sensation and the paranoia. Stay calm, brother. You have carried this bag of weights long enough just continue. The clock is only 12 and I can’t even keep my eyes open my body just wants to fall. I get up from the sofa and walk over to the other room, her bedroom. I lie down in the bed and I nearly fall asleep. She joins me, and she removes her top. What a desperate chick I start to think.
She lies close to me next to my side; she takes my hand and moves in up to her breast and makes me remove her bra. We start having sex and it’s wonderful, I get a little stressed because it all just seems so random to me – like she done this before. Afterwards I think of the words my father said, “A girl who gives herself to you in a few hours is nothing but bad luck”, fuck I should have listened to my father. I’m in this fucked up spiral of problems now, who’s she?
I don’t know jack about this woman and is she even worth it.
Far too long have I withheld my emotions and denied their existence. Whatever here we go, three weeks in the game we fuck constantly and towards infinity until one day. A buddy gives me a pad on the shoulder and says, “You girlfriend has such a nice ass, bro!”
It’s like watching the picture of the person you love burn inside your mind. She’s such a validation seeker, a lost one. I felt such a betrayal, now knowing that my “lovely girl” is a full-time attention whore over every social media. She’s so easily dressed g-strings and hot pants for the whole world to see her little ass. So she needs to be confirmed on a daily basis some bandage on her inner wounds to be able to breathe, she’s a fucking fake like everyone else!
I’m dancing with the devil now and I feel so disgusted. The image I had of her shattered in pieces, she was just an illusion now her perfect façade crumbles and fuck she’s ugly and it angers me. I now see her true character; all that was so beautiful is now divided in two. I know everything is fake but I still continue with her, thinking like a damn chick. She keeps on talking with her ex-boyfriends and “guy friends” or “platonic friends” I guess and keeps on posting her pathetic selfies for the world to see.
I give her the ultimatum and describe my disgust, she’s fucking nasty and so is her reputation, nothing goes unheard. She ruined my trust and the word ‘ whore ‘ clangs pretty good with her name. I guess it’s just to accept and move on, no fuck that. I realize the truth but I refuse to accept it.
This woman has no identity; she’s a damn mannequin braud, a lie and an illusion. End it now! Yet you continue you stupid fucker, dig your hole deeper and deeper. You know that she is just using you as a tool for her own well-being yet you don’t leave.
If you would walk in my shoes through the beatings you would too hold on to a little fake love. I believe in integrity, self-respect and a little bit of honesty. Why cannot she be the same? I guess it’s her “daddy issues”, an alcoholic to a father and a mother well on her way to become one. That fucker even threatened to kill me the first time I met him if I hurt his daughter. I promised to return the favor if he ever approached me with that kind of intentions. I mean who can hurt his daughter more than him, she’s already been fucked by everyone, fucking trash whore.
I never back away from people that I believe have a chance and need my help. I don’t let people lose their grip and fade away but some people don’t want to be helped. I feel so much better mentally but that woman she’s a wreck but I love her but she doesn’t appreciate me for it. Instead she blames me for her problem even though I tell her the most beautiful words in the vocabulary. It’s the first damn time I ever shared my emotions with another human being. I take care of her and keep her warm during the nights, tell her that she’s beautiful.
I know this isn’t the right way to walk but I have become a victim of the devils festivity in flesh a developed façade. Everything will crash and crumble; we start fighting and there is jealousy on both parts. Time passes and nothing’s really improving. I have been called, “woman beater”, “psychopath” etc., and so on.
I guess this little prima donna hasn’t ever gotten a well-deserved fist to the face before nor will she get one, not from me. She’s stuck in her square but refuses to step out of it, so we get nowhere – everything is just a big fucking lie a game from the beginning to the end.
This girl was a just an energy sucking parasite, she dishonored our relationship with lies and everything from the first day we met. I just wanted it to be us together so I could feel that feeling I never felt, “love”. I could finally make someone a happier person or I thought so but I was never enough for her. She needed everyone else, the validation, and the destructiveness.
She was a fake individual and yet again identity-less and for me it’s time to check out and realize the reality of the situation. Things won’t get better, she manipulated me for her own egoistical reasons, and she didn’t even deserve it. We we’re living under the same roof still everything was hers, fucking materialistic bitch. It would be better to just walk away and laugh like my buddy said.
It’s over now.
She promised she wouldn’t be the same person she once we’re but one month later she was back at it. It’s sad to see her piss away it all, her improvements. I have only been in love once and I learned from that. Never trust a mannequin braud; an elusive idea of a person who has no own persona, they just adapt to the situation where they can be socially accepted. They suck your blood for their own profit, and then they leave you.
She never loved you, she never will nor will she ever love herself and know what love feels. Its better this way a lot of tears and anxiety has led me here. You ruined my self-esteem but look which one of us is successful now. I have always been a good looking guy and never had any problems with women but I loved you my withered flower, I really did. I just never got any love in return. You only love money and attention but I told you that is wrong and where you are wrong. For me it’s just a tool to life a nice life but you keep on going, cry on shoulders and leave them like you did with me. You left me a week after they took my mother away on a stretcher, fucking bitch. So keep on to project your insecurities in other people but remember what I said, “You are the loser here and you will always be a mannequin”. You said you didn’t understand and that’s pretty obvious judging by the life you chose – forever lost in the system.
Mannequins they breach the limit of deceit and they even trick the best ones. It’s sad to see someone so beautiful turn so very ugly due to their actions and ways. A lesson has been learned, thanks. Go on and validate your existence instead of investing time in yourself. A poor product of our world; a girl that has to adapt and make herself seem like someone to even exist.
Last edited by MassThinker; 04-06-2014 at 07:29 PM..