The lucky boy (beginning)
The Lucky boy
Lucky boy haha. Who would have thought that all this could end the way it did.
NEW YEARS EVE.
I had to show her that I couldn't be her friend, so Jack, put the not so nice guy upfront. The only problem was that I still wanted her to realize that the "we", the team, was not lost. Pretty shitty set up for a night that has so much magic and romantic to offer. Unfortunately this clear view of the situation came far too late haha and as always I wandered aimless through the evening, waking up with no real memory of the past 7-8 hours. Next to me: my beautiful Caroline.
We met early that day to do the shopping for our famous cheese plate that was such a success 2 years before at our first New Years Eve together.
I miss the feeling I had back then. Meet Mr Invincible - the perfect relationship, the perfect friends, school was easy-going, I even had an idea where and what I wanted to study and Joel's and my fitness addiction really started to pay off. Well, everything was perfectly working out and I faced the future with a bright welcoming smile. Obviously I was one lucky guy and our end seemed as ridiculous as Manchester United losing 4 games in a row.
Anyway, the cheese plate preparation was actually a perfect opportunity to spend some last time alone with her before her Erasmus semester in Madrid. I do realize now how small the odds of changing her mind were, but back then it was impossible for me to give up the last quantum of hope that I had left. I guess I grew my fantastic life-giving optimism due to this enormous sequence of positive moments and periods I had. As always I thought "everything is going to be alright", "don't worry you're a lucky boy", "you have done enough to show her how important and unique this link between you two is". Well not this time Jackyboy.
When I arrived at her house to pick her up, her lovely mother opened the door, Kira, the cutest dog on earth jumped at me as she had done it a thousand times. At least she still loved me the way she always did. Barking and jumping, no way to keep calm and happiness in her googley eyes. I loved her too. I really did. The first dog I really cared about haha after a while I even started to talk to her with this weird voice that people use to talk to their pets. In this moment everything was normal, perfect as always. A warm (wet) welcome by Kira, the caring mother and the smell of the house, business as usual. Until, an instant later, Caroline, pretty as always, leaps out of her room. She put up her beautiful smile which always made time go slower and the bellybutterflies go insane, giving me this secure, happy, exciting, undiscribable, addicting, warm feeling. Observing and concluding I think that's the feeling we are all searching for - the feeling of being loved. This time, the smile had a slightly different outcome. In a fragment of a second I realized that something in her look was different. I don't know if it was just my desesperation and fear or if there really was something missing, but the bellybutterflies turned into ragingrockets. I felt like a king watching his castle burn to the ground. In this moment I knew deep down that she didnt change her mind. And so my castle burnt to the ground, just leaving ashes of hope that were blown away hours later. "Hi!" she said, still smiling.