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Old 08-26-2018, 06:19 AM
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Hello, I am a young writer aiming for my level of incompetence, haha, joking, I am very competent!

I have heard that writing requires natural talent, which I have in abundance, and bad writers must work at it, like shrivelled potatoes.

I like chips much like the next man, but shrivelled potato chips are bad! HAHA jokes aside, I hope I have plenty to teach you all and that you will all learn fruitfully.

I will impart my learning forthwith (and you do not get a vocabulary that includes "forthwith" by hanging around the internet)

That is lesson #1. You're welcome, that is a contraction btw - "con- tract- shion"

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Last edited by Chinspinner; 08-26-2018 at 06:21 AM..
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Old 08-26-2018, 09:05 AM
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If you could instruct us in the ways of 'show, don't tell' it would be refreshing...always good to hammer home the basics.
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Old 08-26-2018, 09:07 AM
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Well, that is very forward of you Grace, but perhaps we should go out for a drink first.
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Old 08-26-2018, 09:17 AM
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Or how about an authoritative piece on overcoming writer's block.

My pencil tip is licked and poised...

(Hannibal Lecter's voice) "Truly agent Chinspinner...dazzle me with your acumen"
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Old 08-26-2018, 09:32 AM
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Well, if I must. It is funny that you asked me this specific question, because I often laugh in the face of people with this question, long and hard. HAHAHAAHAHA, like that, but louder.

Imagine this scene in your head a moment; "with doubt I entered the witch's inner sphincter".

What thought did you have? She is witch, but is she good or bad? Why am I doubtful? Am I a witch myself? Or maybe Kirsten Stewert, or even her co-star, Robert Patrick? Why a sphincter? Is it very small? small enough for both Kirsten Stewart and Robert Sphincter to fit?

And like that you are writing again...
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Old 08-26-2018, 09:36 AM
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Originally Posted by Chinspinner View Post
Well, if I must. It is funny that you asked me this specific question, because I often laugh in the face of people with this question, long and hard. HAHAHAAHAHA, like that, but louder.

Imagine this scene in your head a moment; "with doubt I entered the witch's inner sphincter".

What thought did you have? She is witch, but is she good or bad? Why am I doubtful? Am I a witch myself? Or maybe Kirsten Stewert, or even her co-star, Robert Patrick? Why a sphincter? Is it very small? small enough for both Kirsten Stewart and Robert Sphincter to fit?

And like that you are writing again...
That's probably the least irritating directive I have read on the subject.
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Old 08-26-2018, 09:43 AM
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Originally Posted by Grace Gabriel View Post
That's probably the least irritating directive I have read on the subject.
I have more, imagine for a moment that Eggs Benedict Cumberland Sandwich is acting in your piece. He is playing Shylock Homes; just think, "what would Cabbagepatch do?"
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Old 08-26-2018, 09:45 AM
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Originally Posted by Chinspinner View Post
I have more, imagine for a moment that Eggs Benedict Cumberland Sandwich is acting in your piece. He is playing Shylock Homes; just think, "what would Cabbagepatch do?"
head for Holland in a daise...
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Old 08-26-2018, 09:49 AM
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Originally Posted by Grace Gabriel View Post
head for Holland in a daise...
And there is your next plot point. Imagine for a moment that Tom Hiddlestone was bothering you with bad impressions and an inflated sense of self-worth. Would you choose to attack him? He is awful after all, you would be doing us all a favour...
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Old 08-26-2018, 09:56 AM
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Originally Posted by Chinspinner View Post
And there is your next plot point. Imagine for a moment that Tom Hiddlestone was bothering you with bad impressions and an inflated sense of self-worth. Would you choose to attack him? He is awful after all, you would be doing us all a favour...
I would lock him in a broom cupboard with Rob Brydon and let them compete to the death for 'The Smuggest Raconteur of The Decade' award.

Neither would ever be seen again - found as skeletons in years to come with fixed grins immortalized in porcelain dentistry....
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Old 08-26-2018, 09:58 AM
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Originally Posted by Grace Gabriel View Post
Or how about an authoritative piece on overcoming writer's block."


Send your son off to grandmas or aunties house for the weekend and take a hero’s dose of magic mushrooms.
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Old 08-26-2018, 09:58 AM
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Originally Posted by Grace Gabriel View Post
I would lock him in a broom cupboard with Rob Brydon and let them compete to the death for 'The Smuggest Raconteur of The Decade' award.

Neither would ever be seen again - found as skeletons in years to come with fixed grins immortalized in porcelain dentistry....

Oh. I find Rob Brydon very funny. I am afraid that Poochie must return to his home planet.
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Old 08-26-2018, 10:00 AM
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Originally Posted by Chinspinner View Post
Oh. I find Rob Brydon very funny. I am afraid that Poochie must return to his home planet.
I like his Al Pacino impression for all the wrong reasons
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Old 08-26-2018, 10:03 AM
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Originally Posted by Grace Gabriel View Post
I like his Al Pacino impression for all the wrong reasons
I think he is somewhat self-aware, and yes it is hilarious, for all the right reasons.
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Old 08-26-2018, 11:19 AM
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Originally Posted by Grace Gabriel View Post
head for Holland in a daise...
haha I skimmed this first time. well done!
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Old 08-26-2018, 11:22 AM
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Originally Posted by brianpatrick View Post
Send your son off to grandmas or aunties house for the weekend and take a hero’s dose of magic mushrooms.
Not sure the hero's dose is advisable for a mushroom novice...

off my tits on half a lager these days...
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Old 08-26-2018, 01:43 PM
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Originally Posted by Grace Gabriel View Post
If you could instruct us in the ways of 'show, don't tell' it would be refreshing...always good to hammer home the basics.

Isn't that indecent exposure?
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Old 08-26-2018, 01:49 PM
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Originally Posted by Grace Gabriel View Post
Not sure the hero's dose is advisable for a mushroom novice...



off my tits on half a lager these days...


There isn’t a toxic level of psilocybin. The deeper you go the more it opens up new things. Although, an experienced guide could make sure the trip didn’t go south. There’s “drugs and alcohol” and psychedelics—completely different things.

You don’t get stoned on mushrooms, just woke.
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Old 08-26-2018, 01:55 PM
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Originally Posted by brianpatrick View Post
There isn’t a toxic level of psilocybin. The deeper you go the more it opens up new things. Although, an experienced guide could make sure the trip didn’t go south. There’s “drugs and alcohol” and psychedelics—completely different things.

You don’t get stoned on mushrooms, just woke.
"woke"
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Old 08-26-2018, 01:56 PM
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Originally Posted by Chinspinner View Post
"woke"


Yes, woke
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Old 08-26-2018, 01:57 PM
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Originally Posted by brianpatrick View Post
Yes, woke
"woke"
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Old 08-26-2018, 02:06 PM
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Originally Posted by Chinspinner View Post
"woke"
Have I had some already? This is weird....
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Old 08-26-2018, 02:07 PM
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Or... woker
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Old 08-26-2018, 02:07 PM
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Originally Posted by Grace Gabriel View Post
Have I had some already? This is weird....
You know the old saying "weird is as a donkey drives" or something like that.
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Old 08-26-2018, 02:09 PM
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Originally Posted by brianpatrick View Post
Or... woker
Chin, make the nasty man go away...I don't know what he's saying
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Old 08-26-2018, 02:12 PM
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Originally Posted by Grace Gabriel View Post
Chin, make the nasty man go away...I don't know what he's saying
He is down with kids. It is just a stage
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Old 08-31-2018, 09:28 AM
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Originally Posted by Grace Gabriel View Post
Have I had some already? This is weird....
Ask Alice....
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Old 09-03-2018, 04:25 PM
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If your were told that one of your links was disrupting the entire thread, would you: -
a) delete it?
b) act like a thoroughbred twat and pretend it was nothing to do with you?

Interested to know, cause I assume most are A. Thanks.
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