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Contest Results | Fiction | Picture Prompts (April 2008)

 
 
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  #1  
Old 05-01-2008, 08:13 AM
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Default Contest Results | Fiction | Picture Prompts (April 2008)


Congratulations to aprilrain for winning this month's contest! We thoroughly enjoyed her take on the picture of the juggling street performer.

1. aprilrain - 20, 18.5, 20, 18.5 - 19.25
2. Cuchulain - 16, 13, 15.5, 16 - 15.125
3. _zeb_ - 12, 11.5, 10.5, 12.5 - 11.625



Originally Posted by Icarus View Post
Member: Cuchulain
Title: Toy Soldiers

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

I like the overall idea behind this and I think the brevity of it ads a nice dimension; it certainly forced you to keep it simple. A very interesting memory and well connected to the narratorís present. However, the beginning feels sluggish and the last line seems a bit out of place to me.

Score: 16/20

*****

Member: _zeb_
Title: Sashiís note

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 6/10

I wish you had done more with the picture and less with a fantasy world under the water. There are quite a few misspellings, enough to distract me; however there seems to be improvement in your descriptionsóI see fewer meaningless lists. There is, still, quite a bit of information here that we donít need, so work on focusing on your plot. Also, I fail to see the significance of the note referred to in the title.

Score: 12/20

*****

Member: aprilrain
Title: The Jugglerís Corner

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 10/10

Great use of the photograph, and expertly tied into other scenes. I was hoping someone would incorporate one of the watchers in that photo, so Iím very glad to see this. You say a lot in a short space and it managed to feel complete despite being so clearly a small snippet in your narratorís life. Very nice.

Score: 20/20
Originally Posted by Queen of Wands View Post
Member: Cuchulain
Title: Toy Soldiers

Mechanics: 3.5/5
Intangibles: 3.5/5
Overall Impression: 6/10

This doesn't really work for me. The story is all right, but it's a little too sparsely drawn to engage my interest. It also seems rather like a random reminiscence, and not something wholly in and of itself. A tad disappointing for me, especially coming from you.

Score: 13/20

*****

Member: _zeb_
Title: Sashiís note

Mechanics: 2.5/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 6/10

Errors in spelling, grammar and tense detract from the narrative, which is all right again, but still manages to miss somehow. Perhaps it's because you have given us a fragment, and not a self-contained story, but I feel slighted. What you have written is decent enough, though. I only wish you had made more of the prompt. Poor Castle Stalker gets a brief look in at the beginning and is then completely forgotten.

Score: 11.5/20

*****

Member: aprilrain
Title: The Jugglerís Corner

Mechanics: 4.5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 9/10

The connection to the photograph, down to the small child, is excellent and it is an amusing little story. And the rather nasty bit with the towels put a smile, albeit an evil one, on my face. But a missing comma means I cannot give you full points for mechanics, and there are, perhaps, a few too many sentences starting with 'I'. Apart from those niggles, this is a wonderful, and wonderfully humorous, piece.

Score: 18.5/20
Originally Posted by Mridula View Post
Member: Cuchulain
Title: Toy Soldiers

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7.5/10

This was a good story. It is a bit disjointed, though and it took me a few reads to understand it fully. I liked how you attacked stereotypes. The last line seemed out of place. I wasnít too sure of the context.

Score: 15.5/20
-----------
Member: _zeb_
Title: Sashiís Note

Mechanics: 2.5/5
Intangibles: 2/5
Overall Impression: 6/10

There were several spelling and grammatical errors that detracted from the reading. The extensive descriptions and overuse of adjectives put me off. It could have been cut down far more and still made the point it needs to. Iím not sure what you meant the story to be about. I couldnít see the point, or rather, plot in it. This reads like a part of a whole. Iím disappointed because I expect to read a complete story in a contest entry.

Score: 10.5/20

-----------
Member: aprilrain
Title: The Jugglerís Corner

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 10/10

Ah, this was an excellent entry! You said a lot in a few words and I appreciated that. The tie in to the picture was done very well. Overall this was an enjoyable read.

Score: 20/20

-----------
Originally Posted by Devon
Member: Cuchulain
Title: Toy Soldiers

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Short and to the point. No beating around the bush. I still find your style quite interesting and its conciseness fits well here. A few minor errors were scattered throughout, but perhaps these were just overlooked. Though a connection to the chosen picture was apparent, I felt the written scene didn't set me into the captured events completely.

Score: 16/20
----------------------
Member: _ zeb _
Title: Sashi's Note

Mechanics: 2.5/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Definitely a creative style (quite an imagination you have!), though the piece was riddled throughout with grammatical and spelling errors. The storyline and its connection to the chosen picture, unfortunately, was lost in the muddle. Though I'm quite impressed with your originality, I found the piece lacked direction and screamed out to be continued rather than ended as a short story.

Score: 12.5/20
--------------------------
Member: aprilrain
Title: The Juggler's Corner

Mechanics: 4.5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 9/10

I really enjoyed this piece. The style was easy to read without being simplistic, its storyline clear and the main character strong. There were a few spots where past perfect tense I felt were unnecessary, though they didn't completely detract from the piece. Overall, a creative story nicely woven around the chosen picture. Well done.

Score: 18.5/20

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  #2  
Old 05-01-2008, 01:44 PM
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Thank you, judges! I really enjoyed being on this side of the fence this time. Those pictures were a real challenge, too! Cuchulain and _zeb_ provided some heavy competition.

I look forward to future contests!
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  #3  
Old 05-01-2008, 01:58 PM
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Well then, check out the new Contests Central forum. The new prompts are there as is a new Flash Fiction contest.
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