The choice of a language in which I should create has been a problem for me for some time now. Some things sound better in English, for instance songs, or dialogues in movies. They sound more natural and simply in place. I guess thatís why so many artists choose to stray from their mother tongue and create in English. Itís also the most common, and arguably the easiest language out there. And most importantly Ė itís the language of the internet. I have always loved it, too. Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to learn everything there is to know about it. So I studied it for years, got my masterís, and then I realized I will never know as much as Iíd like. I have no problem using it, understanding it, creating in it and that gives an awesome freedom. I think of it as my second language. But it is confining sometimes.
Polish is so much more complicated than English. The grammar alone is enough to make your head spin. I wouldnít want to learn it from the beginning. I love it, though. It is so complex and flexible, almost fluid. You can shape it, reshape it, and form it in ways English simply doesnít bend. Polish is best for poetry and I wish I could share it with you. I tried translating some of the things I wrote but it just made me angry. And sad. Some things donít need to be translated, they lose a chunk of their being in the process. Polish is beautiful, if handled properly but the same can be said about any language. However, Polish doesnít work in cinema. It sounds fake, unnatural, almost sterile. It is also very hard to write a good song in Polish, but if you succeed a masterpiece can be created. I only wish the people who use it at home were better human beings so that I would not be ashamed to use it where I live now.
Some say that Norwegian has few words but it has the important ones. That is very true. Itís easy to learn, easy to use, easy to understand. I guess itís because itís so similar to English. I havenít written a lot in Norwegian. One short autobiographical story and several e-mails. I donít feel comfortable writing, yet. I am sticking to reading for now.
But my problem remains. I would love to share my stories in Polish, but I know it makes little sense. Then again I would love my parents to read some of the things I have written in English and the problem returns. When my Norwegian gets better I am sure I will have a triple dilemma. Or would that be a trilemma?
I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.