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Old 02-13-2007, 11:02 AM
gablo32 (Offline)
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As I look upon this blank document
and at all the words not seen or sent
I realize I have writers block
I think, I think and look at the clock
almost as if it were a game
a game with no name
cause I have a blank document
I play around with the keys
thinking about how to write the sound
but my mind goes blank, forcing me to look around
around and around they go
were will the stop on the blank document
I know

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Old 02-13-2007, 01:51 PM
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I decided I am going to start making a point to each poet whose work seems not ready for this section yet - have you bothered to spell and grammar check this, have you put it aside, to pick up in a month or three, and then to re-write it? Have you read it aloud to a local writing group and worked on it?

If you have done all these things then it might be ready for this thread. I am going to try to restrict my in-depth support to the poems that are at a higher level of craftsmanship in an attempt to bring the thread back to its original quality.

Please don't feel singled out - you are not - but this section has some really excellent poets who are working at a very high level of writing, and they are due the respect of other members who at least check, edit and re-write before posting a piece and asking for their consideration.

Plus, poetry in this section should not be posted with colors and bold and centering - it should be simple and clean so we can see the writing and support each other in the construction of excellent poems. Please remove any fancy formatting.

Last note - if you use explicit language please do not title the poem with it and please identify the poem as explicit under the subject and/or genre label

Thanks
Kit
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Riverstones let the water flow around them.

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Old 02-13-2007, 02:50 PM
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In general, I would try to avoid starting a line with a conjunction. It is usually not necessary and with a little thought and editing can be removed. Watch for "and",
and "but".
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Old 02-13-2007, 03:56 PM
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its decent, but i think you should put some more time into proofreading..
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Old 02-14-2007, 06:58 AM
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Hey gablo32, I think the idea behind the poem is good but the poem itself needs a little work. I agree with the previous post that more proofreading and editing is needed. But, because this forum is about writers helping writers, I'll give you a few of my suggestions and you can work from there.
Red= my suggestions/comments.

As I look upon this blank document,
and(get rid of and) at all the words not seen or sent;
I realize I have writers block.
I think and think,
glancing periodically at the clock-
Almost as if this were a game;
a game with no name.

I play around with the keys-
thinking about how to write the sound.
My mind goes blank,
forcing me to look around.
Round and round the words go,
where they stop on the blank document-
I know!
Well, there's some of my ideas, hopefully they help you a little!
Good luck!
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Old 02-14-2007, 12:09 PM
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Thank you love2 write....I wrote that out of the blue for fun. I didnt proof read anything. But I like what you added and took out. You were very helpfull . Thanks!
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Old 02-14-2007, 08:20 PM
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zzz

Last edited by JRT; 04-18-2007 at 11:11 AM..
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Old 02-14-2007, 08:29 PM
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And "therein lies the rub." When spelling and grammar checkers are in your word processing and in free toolbars, why not use them?

If you really want to work on your writing, why not show us the best you can do and we'll be glad to give you feedback. This site and these draft threads have been about creating the best we can create with the wisdom, knowledge and support of other hard-working writers to highlight our flaws and to point us in the right direction.

I know I am embarrassed when I find a post of mine with typos, or that needs lots of work. It always means I am rushing to share my work when I should have had patience. And, as hard as it is for me to admit, that means being too proud of a piece of work, when it does not merit pride if it is error filled or sloppy or ill-conceived.

Kit
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If I did not tell you all the changes you might consider, I would be doing you a disservice, treating you with less than the full respect you deserve. This much I have learned from my years teaching and mentoring writers.

Riverstones let the water flow around them.


Last edited by riverstone; 02-14-2007 at 08:35 PM..
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Old 02-15-2007, 03:16 AM
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when you don't proofread, you force the people you're asking to read it to do so for you. that's very impolite.
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Old 02-15-2007, 09:27 AM
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Im not trying to be impolite. I simply just wanted to share my work. Sorry If I offended anyone.
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Old 02-15-2007, 11:13 AM
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I know that, gablo32. You seem like a very nice person and writer. We've just had some of these issues coming to a crux here on wb and you happen to be caught in the headlights. I do not mean to be unwelcoming at all. Just trying to pass on that we do some pretty intense work for each other here and to be in the process means respecting each other's time and effort. I know you got it! lol

I think we should hold a workshop on some of this on teamspeak soon.
Kit
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If I did not tell you all the changes you might consider, I would be doing you a disservice, treating you with less than the full respect you deserve. This much I have learned from my years teaching and mentoring writers.

Riverstones let the water flow around them.

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