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Unorthodox Life

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Old 07-19-2018, 09:02 PM
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Default Unorthodox Life


You work hard all your life -
does it mean a thing?
Seems you're just around the corner
from that elusive dream
you've been chasing
all your damn life -
now you sit and wonder
Did I get it right?

Coulda took a job
worked a regular shift
had retirement coming
but the thing of it is
I'd rather have done it
my own fucking way
took my chances on winning
the games that I played
took the detours that went
on the less-traveled ways.

So here's to my friends
who are all settled down!
I find myself wishing
when I come back to town
that I'd lived my life your way
and got what you've got...

But we all gather 'round
to catch up on the years
and I find when I'm talking
you ain't nothing but ears.
You want to hear about Texas
San Diego, New York
the fogbank in Galesburg
and that magical fork
in the road that took us
to a place just like home -
Have your feet started itching?
Do you want to go home?
Nah - I didn't think so. Sit
and listen to me
I'll tell you about
the time in Missouri...

But that's how it is
with your house and your wife
and me with my stories
of my unorthodox life.

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Mr. Ed said I should use his signature, since he's not anymore. In honor of his good friend Nok, here it is: "As far as smoking a cigar," she said, "I'd not know where to start or how to start." "It's simple," said I, "You light one end and chew on the other and hope to meet in the middle."
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Old 07-20-2018, 02:52 AM
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nice
this almost could be the recital on everyday life for everyone out there.
It makes sense to question it.
I like the unorthodox expression used here in conjunction with life.
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Old 07-20-2018, 03:19 AM
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i like the tone and rhythm of this piece. although the word 'fucking' in the second stanza seems a tad too aggressive.

also, the places you've mentioned aren't very interesting, in the sense that they're not really off the beaten track or anything. it's not like spotting a bird of paradise in a jungle in papua new guinea, say.

i know what you're trying to get at though.
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Old 07-20-2018, 11:48 AM
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Covers a lot; getting beyond regrets and self-doubt and arriving at a kind of acceptance, all delivered in just the right wistful tone.

The near-rhymes remind me more of lyrics, but you're not pushing it with forced rhymes so that works for me. Good one!
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Old 07-20-2018, 02:08 PM
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Prod, this is great.

Real, porch swing reflection.

The off rhyme makes it less self-conscious and contrived -reads as natural and honest. x
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Old 07-21-2018, 03:38 AM
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[QUOTE=Grace Gabriel

The off rhyme makes it less self-conscious and contrived -reads as natural and honest.

[/QUOTE]


Yeah, the rhyme/no rhyme is one of this works legs.
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Old 07-21-2018, 10:50 AM
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Originally Posted by chippedmonk View Post
i like the tone and rhythm of this piece. although the word 'fucking' in the second stanza seems a tad too aggressive.

also, the places you've mentioned aren't very interesting, in the sense that they're not really off the beaten track or anything. it's not like spotting a bird of paradise in a jungle in papua new guinea, say.

i know what you're trying to get at though.
To a person from Papua New Guinea, spotting a Bird of Paradise is probably less exiting than going to Texas was, for me. It's all about perspective.

I grew up in a rough-and-tumble little lumber and logging town, where to an outsider, sentences must have sounded like, "Fuck, man, that fucker fucked a fucky fucker!" It's hard to get completely away from that.

I'm glad you liked it otherwise.
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Mr. Ed said I should use his signature, since he's not anymore. In honor of his good friend Nok, here it is: "As far as smoking a cigar," she said, "I'd not know where to start or how to start." "It's simple," said I, "You light one end and chew on the other and hope to meet in the middle."
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