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  #1  
Old 08-03-2018, 03:42 PM
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Default red


love
illuminates

unlike
gold
it sheds
gorgeous
reds
to signal
it is ready to stop
and start again

green doesn't mind
it is only there to
let a hand in case
it goes blank
and doesn't understand
rank
colours mix and bend
to make amend
so life is a land
that grows and blend.

__________________
a lesson in
life is a pound
in sound
it reminds us
it is expensive a fine
so bear one
in mind

Last edited by Nacia; 08-04-2018 at 07:08 AM..
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  #2  
Old 08-03-2018, 04:16 PM
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"unlike
like gold" hurts

It is so bitty, I feel like I have a stutter. Those first two stanzas are unpleasant to read.

Ok, sorry to be harsh...

"green doesn't mind
it is only there to
let a hand in case
it goes blank
and doesn't understand
rank"

what does that even mean?

"colours mix and blend
to make amend
so life is a land
that grows and blend."

I understand the sentiment here, but it feels simplistic. Simplicity is a shrug of the shoulders, complexity is a pause for thought.

Sorry, wish I could be nicer.
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  #3  
Old 08-04-2018, 07:06 AM
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The annoying part is that I know from conservations with you, that you have more to say than this. I wish you would say it.
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  #4  
Old 08-04-2018, 07:08 AM
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Originally Posted by Chinspinner View Post
"unlike
like gold" hurts

It is so bitty, I feel like I have a stutter. Those first two stanzas are unpleasant to read.

Ok, sorry to be harsh...
Hi Chinspinner yeah I agree I put like and unlike and it does not go together.
It was a mistake.


"green doesn't mind
it is only there to
let a hand in case
it goes blank
and doesn't understand
rank"

what does that even mean?
This is just a play on the traffic light when they change colour.

"colours mix and bend
to make amend
so life is a land
that grows and blend."

I understand the sentiment here, but it feels simplistic. Simplicity is a shrug of the shoulders, complexity is a pause for thought.

Sorry, wish I could be nicer.
Simplicity is the best policy and this was just written on a whim.
And don't worry you are being nice when you speak your mind
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a lesson in
life is a pound
in sound
it reminds us
it is expensive a fine
so bear one
in mind
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  #5  
Old 08-04-2018, 07:14 AM
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Originally Posted by Nacia View Post
Hi Chinspinner yeah I agree I put like and unlike and it does not go together.
It was a mistake.




This is just a play on the traffic light when they change colour.



Simplicity is the best policy and this was just written on a whim.
And don't worry you are being nice when you speak your mind
Thanks for taking the time to respond, very kind of you. In your head they were traffic lights, in mine they were not, that is a problem. Simplicity is fine if you want to remain safe and protected- I know you have things to say, push the boat out a little, say something.
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Old 08-04-2018, 08:10 AM
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Originally Posted by Chinspinner View Post
Thanks for taking the time to respond, very kind of you. In your head they were traffic lights, in mine they were not, that is a problem. Simplicity is fine if you want to remain safe and protected- I know you have things to say, push the boat out a little, say something.
I get it. It is a chain of thought and that was that.

I mean simplicity in itself is not as easy as it sounds. It takes practice like everything else.
I am not sure what you mean by ''say something''.
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a lesson in
life is a pound
in sound
it reminds us
it is expensive a fine
so bear one
in mind
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  #7  
Old 08-04-2018, 08:10 AM
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A woman alone,
An echoing silence,
the threat of violence,
Whether perceived or real,
The need to kneel,
whether perceived or real,

The good men blur,
The bad men stir,
in her vision,
the derision,
the fathomless prison,

Where are these good men now?
Cooey, I'm over here!

haha yup, that is it.
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  #8  
Old 08-04-2018, 08:17 AM
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Originally Posted by Nacia View Post
I get it. It is a chain of thought and that was that.

I mean simplicity in itself is not as easy as it sounds. It takes practice like everything else.
I am not sure what you mean by ''say something''.
I am sure you have opinions that perhaps do not conform to the Overton Window. Just say them, I lean (mildly) right, I do not care if you lean left, it is fun for people to have honest opinions.
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  #9  
Old 08-04-2018, 08:47 AM
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Originally Posted by Chinspinner View Post
A woman alone,
An echoing silence,
the threat of violence,
Whether perceived or real,
The need to kneel,
whether perceived or real,

The good men blur,
The bad men stir,
in her vision,
the derision,
the fathomless prison,

Where are these good men now?
Cooey, I'm over here!

haha yup, that is it.
See I read this I like it because I like rhymes in poetry.
I especially like the last two lines more.
How did you begin to write this considering I believe you are a gentleman haha
I may be wrong !!
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life is a pound
in sound
it reminds us
it is expensive a fine
so bear one
in mind
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  #10  
Old 08-04-2018, 08:52 AM
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Originally Posted by Nacia View Post
See I read this I like it because I like rhymes in poetry.
I especially like the last two lines more.
How did you begin to write this considering I believe you are a gentleman haha
I may be wrong !!
Well, despite being a harmless fella, I am a big guy, and I understand why smaller people are nervous around me; I see it regularly. Haha, but the secret is, I just made it up
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  #11  
Old 08-04-2018, 09:06 AM
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But, back on topic, take some of that fear you have, something and make it personal.
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  #12  
Old 08-04-2018, 09:54 AM
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Originally Posted by Chinspinner View Post
But, back on topic, take some of that fear you have, something and make it personal.
I get it haha. Fear is irrational and so to make it personal would mean I give up to it which is not the case for me.
Are we saying that a poem is a personal journey?
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life is a pound
in sound
it reminds us
it is expensive a fine
so bear one
in mind
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  #13  
Old 08-04-2018, 09:56 AM
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Originally Posted by Chinspinner View Post
Well, despite being a harmless fella, I am a big guy, and I understand why smaller people are nervous around me; I see it regularly. Haha, but the secret is, I just made it up
You made it up. You are excellent at this haha
I would not know how to replicate that if I had to describe a gentleman in this same position. Honestly.
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life is a pound
in sound
it reminds us
it is expensive a fine
so bear one
in mind
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  #14  
Old 08-04-2018, 09:57 AM
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Originally Posted by Nacia View Post
I get it haha. Fear is irrational and so to make it personal would mean I give up to it which is not the case for me.
Are we saying that a poem is a personal journey?
No none of that, I am not trying to make you uncomfortable. I want to see you write about something you care about, rather than the lazy nothing currently.

Last edited by Chinspinner; 08-04-2018 at 10:13 AM..
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  #15  
Old 08-04-2018, 01:56 PM
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"unlike
like gold" hurts

It is so bitty, I feel like I have a stutter. Those first two stanzas are unpleasant to read.

Ok, sorry to be harsh...

"green doesn't mind
it is only there to
let a hand in case
it goes blank
and doesn't understand
rank"

what does that even mean?

"colours mix and blend
to make amend
so life is a land
that grows and blend."

I understand the sentiment here, but it feels simplistic. Simplicity is a shrug of the shoulders, complexity is a pause for thought.

Sorry, wish I could be nicer.

Gold hurts,
loose shirts and captive picks,
A tool in hand or several sticks,

We escaped, the animals faked
(do I have to save the fucking animals??" death,
We pounced and with each dying breath,
we saw the herd scatter, but all that matters
is -what is hid name> I do not care.
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  #16  
Old 08-04-2018, 02:01 PM
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Originally Posted by Chinspinner View Post
No none of that, I am not trying to make you uncomfortable. I want to see you write about something you care about, rather than the lazy nothing currently.
lazy?
I care about everything else. I don't see why I have to write about me.
It is not about me it is about everything around me. That is what I like to write about. Surely that counts for something.
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a lesson in
life is a pound
in sound
it reminds us
it is expensive a fine
so bear one
in mind
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  #17  
Old 08-04-2018, 02:03 PM
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Originally Posted by Nacia View Post
lazy?
I care about everything else. I don't see why I have to write about me.
It is not about me it is about everything around me. That is what I like to write about. Surely that counts for something.
Relax, you do not have to write about you. You are not that interesting
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  #18  
Old 08-04-2018, 02:08 PM
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Hi Nacia, I think you have pretty whatever, because amusing. Ok Nacia you are a fine and funny girl. I enjoye dtalking to you a lot and I hope I will continue to do so in the future.

Last edited by Chinspinner; 08-04-2018 at 02:23 PM..
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  #19  
Old 08-04-2018, 02:41 PM
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Originally Posted by Chinspinner View Post
Hi Nacia, I think you have pretty whatever, because amusing. Ok Nacia you are a fine and funny girl. I enjoye dtalking to you a lot and I hope I will continue to do so in the future.
Of course always. We both reserve the right to feel the same or differently.
The fun part of it all is to maintain a degree of chivalry and understanding and not fall out because we happen to have different views.
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life is a pound
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it is expensive a fine
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  #20  
Old 08-04-2018, 07:08 PM
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The poem is a constant ramble, and why green? Why not another other colour? Black perhaps? And it's kind of weak with the same line breaks you throw in here Nacia. I think you should edit it a little more.
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