I really like the idea behind this poem, but for me there are too many 'spaces' at the beginning. It also seems rather long, drawn out by comparisons that could be made more succinctly. Still, I wouldn't lose the comparisons, just abbreviate them.
It seems you have a wonderful thought here, but it is at severe risk of being lost in a sea of words. That's not to say I don't like long poems, I do, but there has to be enough to merit the length. I'm not sure this does.
I hope you will try re-working this as I really think it is worth the effort. It's an excellent viewpoint and deserves to be heard.