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Happy Monday

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  #1  
Old 07-24-2017, 11:33 AM
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Default Happy Monday


A foul mood this morning as rain brow-beat the dull-gray world outside. It was Monday. It was cold. Sometimes the place felt more like a cell than an apartment, staring blankly out the window between the iron bars as he berated me for this or that infraction. I did not feel so pretty anymore. I was not the least bit horny.

He said, "BABE, I'm taking your car to the bank," so matter of fact-ly that it pissed me off. I was low and gas and here was my BOYFRIEND cruising around his morning errands in my vehicle, the one, in fact, my father had purchased, which he always held over my head though enjoyed the benefit none the less. I said, "Fuck you," rolled over and went back to sleep. I am unsure whether he took the car or not. He may have taken his beater of a truck that another woman had gifted him.

Around 11AM I awoke to the sound of two gentlemen banging on the front door. I slipped out the back. I drove south in the rain for twenty miles, back to my native jurisdiction.

*****

It was my day off and the cool rain felt refreshing, especially in mid-July where all I had done was sweat and pay the bills. When I arrived home neither of my room mates were there and I felt relieved. It seemed I had not been alone in a decade. I wanted to write in peace, I wanted drugs in the early afternoon to inform me. Though too late, the room mate had smoked all the dope, snorted all the MDMA. I was mad, though what the fuck can one really do in this instance? I started drinking. I didn't want to complain, seeing as I fielded complaints all week long at my service-industry job.

And when I came home there were more complaints, "We never go out," "Your boyfriend is like a lost dog," "I don't want to text the drug dealer." Oh, and from him! - "All your guy friends want to fuck you," "You're an alcoholic," "You aren't extending yourself towards (your) friend enough." To what end? I was constantly bending to the needs of others, doing shit I didn't want to do to appease them, as if their happiness depended solely on me.

As for me, what I truly wanted? I wanted to get high as fuck, alone on my day off, take a bath 'til my ass pruned, read, write, nap, drink. It was simple, though I would not have my way. I never did.

*****

He said I was stupid for not liking science fiction or fantasy, that at the end of it the genres served merely to highlight the human condition. I thought rather plainly that it was a matter of preference. If you really wanted to see the human condition you could log in to Craigslist personals.

He was always pushing books down my throat, a docket two years deep. I had read a fair amount, enjoyed a few. I tried "Mrs. Dolloway" and was bored to tears. I did not want to read "1984". Who needs more dystopia, I don't even read the news.

He was on his fourth month of reading "Lady Chatterly's Lover" though really I just wanted him to finish up and read "Oil!" by Upton Sinclair, my favorite book.

*****

First edition this or that, so frail, one felt they needed latex gloves to molest the artifacts. I tended to abuse books. They seemed to like it.

*****

Turns out the room mate did not do all the MDMA. It was hidden under the artist's pallet on the dining room table.

Whoops.

*****

How could I even be upset? The girl kept in nice cars by her daddy -- would you be even more upset if I told you it was a Mercedes? I had a beautiful apartment in an up and coming district with my two beautiful best friends. I had a BOYFRIEND who loved me for whatever reason, regardless of acne or an average although checkered past. He'd rest his bony cheek on my beer gut and tell me I was beautiful.

And the therapy cat -- lo the fucking cat! With her constant need for kisses and affection, doing silly shit all day. I'd never met one like her. I felt her talents wasted here.

*****

I took the cat and the MDMA to the convalescent home, to people who were very surely dying, people very much alone, who's relatives found them too painful to look at. They had seen things. To escape Europe during the war, to eat shoe leather, to contract STD and bare it just the same. No daddy had ever purchased them Mercedes.

I let the cat loose. I slipped the drugs in their tea, put a Glenn Miller record on. Those with working legs got up to dance, they kissed, they smiled. The cat jumped from lap to lap of those bound to wheelchair, to be cherished thoroughly.

Our geriatric Monday could not be more of a hit, the orderlies confused though delighted at the response solicited. We could have died happy there.

Mr. Edgar approached me grinding his dentures to stubs. He said, "Let's beat it, there's a woman I've got to see." I escorted him out the back door to the Mercedes.

*****

We drove through the old pines to the expensive side of town by his direction. He smiled from ear to ear, lolling in the passenger seat. His false teeth could not be brighter, "I have not seen her in years," he clucked as I pulled through the gates of the Oak Lawn Cemetery. Left at this fork, right at that. "Park here," he said. I helped him from the bucket seat of the Mercedes. We approached the grave site. He could not have been happier, tears welling in the corners of his sparkling, milky eyes. He ran his yellow hand along the head stone. "My gorgeous Florence," he muttered.

I found two stones. We kissed them and placed them a-top the grave, a token of remembrance. Certainly gone, though not yet forgotten. Mr. Edgar stood silent for a while. He turned to me and said, "We are standing on my own plot, don't you know." We laughed. Mrs. Edgar loved to dance, he explained.

We clasped hands as I pulled him close by his old, bony hips. We performed a slow but happy fox-trot a-top the graves. We laughed and smiled and laughed.


Last edited by beefheart; 07-25-2017 at 07:49 AM..
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  #2  
Old 07-24-2017, 01:19 PM
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And she's back.

Two typos and who gives a fuck.

bath 'til my ass pruned
Won't be gettin' that image clear of my mind's eye for quite some time, thank you.
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Old 07-24-2017, 06:44 PM
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Yup!

You get down in the guts without seeming like you're trying too hard.

Clean this shit up and it rocks.
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Old 07-25-2017, 03:15 PM
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[QUOTE=brianpatrick

Clean this shit up and it rocks.

[/QUOTE]


What's to "Clean"?
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Old 07-26-2017, 03:58 PM
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(Imagine Hercules Poirot's voice)

"Mademoiselle,

I put it to you that you are, in fact, not all you appear to be.

Are you, or are you not , the fictitious construct of a certain Monsieur Luvknife?

Hmmm?

Alors,

I will require the services of a gendarme for your immediate arrest and a paramedic for Monsieur Pierce. "
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Old 07-26-2017, 04:09 PM
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[QUOTE=Grace Gabriel

(Imagine Hercules Poirot's voice)

[/QUOTE]


Perhaps you intended using an alternate spelling for the first name of a Belgian detective known to have a fondness for mustache wax?
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Old 07-26-2017, 04:19 PM
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Originally Posted by Nick Pierce View Post
Perhaps you intended using an alternate spelling for the first name of a Belgian detective known to have a fondness for mustache wax?
The Belgians can't spell.

They always forget the s on Hercules and the e on chocolate.

Now, you've just embarrassed them...
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Old 07-26-2017, 08:56 PM
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Originally Posted by Nick Pierce View Post
What's to "Clean"?


Don't play coy with me man. You read it.
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Old 07-26-2017, 09:02 PM
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Originally Posted by Grace Gabriel View Post
(Imagine Hercules Poirot's voice)



"Mademoiselle,



I put it to you that you are, in fact, not all you appear to be.



Are you, or are you not , the fictitious construct of a certain Monsieur Luvknife?



Hmmm?



Alors,



I will require the services of a gendarme for your immediate arrest and a paramedic for Monsieur Pierce. "


Wouldn't she be mademoiselle?
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Old 07-27-2017, 08:29 AM
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I'm a little black boy.
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Old 07-27-2017, 01:04 PM
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Originally Posted by brianpatrick View Post
Don't play coy with me man. You read it.
Yes, I read it and saw two spelling anomalys that I referred to in my initial comment.

And it is inappropriate for me to be commenting on a commenter's comment.
For that I apologize.
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Old 07-27-2017, 02:11 PM
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It's good to see you back Beef
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Old 07-27-2017, 04:54 PM
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Originally Posted by beefheart View Post
I'm a little black boy.


Yer ass
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Old 07-27-2017, 04:55 PM
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Originally Posted by Nick Pierce View Post
Yes, I read it and saw two spelling anomalys that I referred to in my initial comment.



And it is inappropriate for me to be commenting on a commenter's comment.

For that I apologize.


You'ns need to reed clooser than.
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