"How To Start A Conversation
And Make It Interesting"
I want to teach you WHAT you need to know about striking up INTERESTING conversations with people, and exactly HOW to do it.
If you want to become really great at meeting and talking to people, read this guide OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
With each reading, you will start to MEDITATE on the practical application it teaches. And when you meditate on its principles, you will start to APPLY them in your exchanges with the people you interact with. Your personality will start to BLOSSOM. And your skill with people will steadily INCREASE.
There are THREE ways to start a conversation. Weíll get to them in a moment. But before we do, you must learn one VERY IMPORTANT thing...
At the beginning of all your conversations, always put THE FOCUS on the OTHER person as QUICKLY as possible.
Be interested IN THEM ... and whatís most IMPORTANT to them!
Thatís one of the EXACT qualities that makes YOU interesting to other people. People who do this are as RARE as diamonds, and also a MUCH welcomed break from the boring daily routines most people trudge through in life.
When you open an interaction, do NOT start by blabbering about yourself and whatís going through your mind at that moment. If the other person asks how itís going, keep it brief, and positive, and then turn the spotlight back ONTO THEM. To do otherwise is a quick road to boring them in a short period of time. Save your sharing for LATER. Focus on them FIRST. Donít be self-centered. Give your attention to them, before you seek to gain their attention.
If you start yapping about yourself and your thoughts from the beginning of the interaction, you will sacrifice their INTEREST LEVEL (with the exception of good story telling). After about 30 seconds, their interest level in what youíre saying is going to start to DROP drastically, which will result in them zoning out and humouring you. Theyíll have a slowly increasing desire to FLEE the situation, and will take advantage of it should the opportunity present itself.
You donít want that.
When opening an interaction, what you do INSTEAD is you take a sincere interest in the OTHER person and THEIR life! You do this by asking the right QUESTIONS and then LISTENING to what they say, and then following up by delving deeper into the topics that have surfaced.
To do this well, you must understand what a CUE and a THREAD is and how to use them to lead your conversations in the direction you want them to go in.
A cue is simply a small MENTION another person makes that gives a glimpse into their life and/or a new topic of conversation.
For example, if you ask me about how I like the weather, and I reply by saying, ďItís too rainy for me. Had to cancel the kidís baseball game too,Ē the CUES in my response are the KID and the BASEBALL GAME. Itís information Iíve REVEALED to you about my life and experiences. Itís a couple of opportunities Iíve tossed your way to transition the conversation onto something more meaningful Ė IF you know how to capitalize on them!
Those cues can now be turned into THREADS. Threads are the topics of discussion that come to the forefront of a conversation and amount to its content.
In your efforts to transform a cue into a thread from the beginning of an interaction, there are three great ways to open a conversation:
- Ask them how theyíre doing or how their day is going (Most people say ďGoodĒ, so a good quick follow up question is: Anything interesting or unusual happen today? That usually gets them talking.)
- Ask them about something you talked about the last time you spoke that they were going to do in the then future
- Make a comment on the present experience youíre sharing and witnessing together
Remember, the entire AIM in taking any of these approaches is to encourage the other person to start TALKING and introducing some CUES into the interaction that you can TURN INTO threads.
Once youíve successfully turned a cue into a thread, a NEW aim takes the place of simply getting them talking.
That new aim is to look for OPPORTUNITIES to naturally transition the conversation onto whatís important to THEM.
Remember, just like you and me, everyone is the MOST important person in the world ... in their OWNhead. To make engaging conversation that people find interesting and stimulating, you have to talk about whatís MOST important to most the IMPORTANT person in the world!
Your MISSION is to tactfully find out what that is, and then transition the conversation onto those things and discuss them.
Thatís how hearts are WON.
To do this, you must first come to a certain understanding of life. We have DESIRES and, however vague, we have PLANS for their realization. Then we put those plans into operation. In pursuit, we have EXPERIENCES, and we encounter STRUGGLES that lead us to formulating OPINIONS based on those experiences. This process is decorated with various PEOPLE AND RELATIONSHIPS that play different roles in that journey.
Memorize these topics!
BURN them into your brain!
This will make you focus on guiding your conversations onto them whenever you talk to people.
Read this list over and over again for better, faster results:
The SECRET to creating interesting conversation and establishing connections with other people is to guide every exchange onto these topics and discuss them in detail, through a mixture of listening, relating, and sharing.
You do that by opening the conversation to get them to reveal their first cue. You capitalize on that cue by asking them a question that transitions the cue into a conversation thread. Once theyíre on that topic, they are likely to talk for a period. And in that period, they are going to introduce a variety of cues. Your job is to LISTEN, and then CHOOSE. You listen for any mention of something that relates to the BIG SIX topics we discussed a moment ago. Sometimes you have to pass through a series of threads before you reach them.
Once youíve successfully steered the conversation onto one of these things and have made it the central thread in the interaction, take a genuine and sincere interest in it by asking them QUESTIONS. In response to their answers, either inquire further or else share yourself.
Thatís how CONNECTIONS are formed!