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Save For You...

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  #1  
Old 03-05-2018, 02:57 AM
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Default Save For You...


I’m crying there, in a situation,—
But your harp can turn it around,
If only you needed to believe me
As I feel so strongly this way;—
But a long time ago, a past life;
Before you and I were plucked
From an early eventide fantasy,—
To a midsummer romantic dream,

You and I were there—
I could feel it somehow, somewhere
That when the moon came down
It was to shine on your crown,
I thought I recognized you—
We had a moment, did we not?
When all else was through—
But now and then, I must lose

There I said it out loud,—
I'm worried you’ll forget me
And it might be completely—
And you know me, you knew me!
You caught onto me steady—
Perhaps from the start,—
My every move, any plays,—
And now I grow to envy anyone

Save for you
Save for you.

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  #2  
Old 03-25-2018, 03:37 AM
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edit never mind
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  #3  
Old 03-25-2018, 08:48 PM
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This is very different from the rest of your work that I've read!

Usually your language is so subtle and beautiful, that leaves feeling as though I'm in the verge of an epiphany; I enjoy it, but I always feel as though I'm missing some part of the metaphor, some hidden meaning... And I have to rake my eyes over it again and again.

"Save for You" has a much more classical feel to it. The meaning is much more direct, but that doesn't make it any less than the rest of your work. Far from it.

It's easier to catch, because it hits like a bullet. The pain is raw and immediate; the emotion is projected in such a way that the reader can't help but relate.

As far as technical advice... I suppose I'm a little out of my depth. I might get rid of the dashes. It pulls the reader back out, a little bit, wondering what they are for.
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Old 03-25-2018, 08:54 PM
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Originally Posted by TheCrookedPath View Post
This is very different from the rest of your work that I've read!



Usually your language is so subtle and beautiful, that leaves feeling as though I'm in the verge of an epiphany; I enjoy it, but I always feel as though I'm missing some part of the metaphor, some hidden meaning... And I have to rake my eyes over it again and again.



"Save for You" has a much more classical feel to it. The meaning is much more direct, but that doesn't make it any less than the rest of your work. Far from it.



It's easier to catch, because it hits like a bullet. The pain is raw and immediate; the emotion is projected in such a way that the reader can't help but relate.



As far as technical advice... I suppose I'm a little out of my depth. I might get rid of the dashes. It pulls the reader back out, a little bit, wondering what they are for.


She steals the dashes from James Joyce. Read Ulysses again. Donít think chit-chat can keep up with the Irish bard, but sheís good. Makes the sentences like a champ.

Otherwise, I hate poetry and poets.


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  #5  
Old 03-26-2018, 01:09 AM
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Originally Posted by brianpatrick View Post
She steals the dashes from James Joyce. Read Ulysses again. Don’t think chit-chat can keep up with the Irish bard, but she’s good. Makes the sentences like a champ.

Otherwise, I hate poetry and poets.
Foolish forum-dweller! I absorb your literary knowledge, and increase my own power!! BWAHAHAHA!

Seriously, though, I have to thank you for Ulysses. It's a fine thing, sifting through the forum and getting gifted with more classics to fill my educational gaps.

I just recently got turned on to Dylan Thomas and John Donne. James Joyce is another fantastic addition; this is going to improve my own writing, as well as my appreciation of Chat's work.

That's the kind of hate I can really get behind.
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  #6  
Old 03-26-2018, 04:16 PM
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i get the hyphens from shakespeare, the group who started it all. thanks for reading! thanks for the help...
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Old 03-26-2018, 07:33 PM
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Prolly where Joyce got them too.


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  #8  
Old 03-26-2018, 07:34 PM
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Originally Posted by TheCrookedPath View Post
Foolish forum-dweller! I absorb your literary knowledge, and increase my own power!! BWAHAHAHA!

Seriously, though, I have to thank you for Ulysses. It's a fine thing, sifting through the forum and getting gifted with more classics to fill my educational gaps.

I just recently got turned on to Dylan Thomas and John Donne. James Joyce is another fantastic addition; this is going to improve my own writing, as well as my appreciation of Chat's work.

That's the kind of hate I can really get behind.


Do yourself a favor and start with Portrait of the Artist. Itís a much easier read.


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  #9  
Old 03-27-2018, 03:03 AM
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but ulysses is awesome tho... i read the abridged version first however, like most of us.
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Old 03-29-2018, 06:59 PM
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Originally Posted by chat bot View Post
but ulysses is awesome tho... i read the abridged version first however, like most of us.


Yeah, itís an incredible read. People say itís super complicated but I didnít find it so. Itís long, yeah, but pretty straight forward.

Iíve yet to finish Finneganís Wake. Itís just incomprehensible to me.


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Old 03-30-2018, 03:04 AM
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Sorry to go full Lon Palmer on you -- but you're not going to see any em dashes in the First Folio -- or the earliest printed examples of Shakespeare.

Shakespeare was meant to be spoken -- so they were added later to in some printings to indicate pauses. You'll see them in the Folgers editions. In typesetting, em dashes weren't used until the 1800's.

Last edited by Myers; 03-30-2018 at 03:22 AM..
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  #12  
Old 03-31-2018, 04:43 PM
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Who chased Lon off? He used to write and play songs....

https://youtu.be/3afwgFqBx-A


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  #13  
Old 03-31-2018, 05:24 PM
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uh oh... i forgot about him. i miss that guy! someone pm him and bring him back. shakespeare written, btw, has tons of dashes-- but it's not like i can go see a play other than a movie right now. ad the movies are eggscellente!
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  #14  
Old 03-31-2018, 05:28 PM
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[QUOTE=chat bot

someone pm him and bring him back.

[/QUOTE]


And you are not "someone"?
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  #15  
Old 03-31-2018, 05:46 PM
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Originally Posted by chat bot View Post
shakespeare written, btw, has tons of dashes--!


Good thing you have a healthy dose of irreverence. Myers can be a pit-bull when heís channeling Lon. Hate to see you chased off too...


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  #16  
Old 04-09-2018, 08:47 PM
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no. chase me down with hyphens forever! i love this forum. i'd never leave. never ever ever.






















































ever.

@nicky P., yesir i didnt think to pm cause mods are all over me about that shiet.
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  #17  
Old 04-10-2018, 02:04 AM
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Originally Posted by chat bot View Post
no. chase me down with hyphens forever! i love this forum. i'd never leave. never ever ever.






















































ever.

@nicky P., yesir i didnt think to pm cause mods are all over me about that shiet.

Oh.
Well then sit next to me for awhile and maybe they won't notice us.
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  #18  
Old 04-10-2018, 03:51 AM
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  #19  
Old 04-10-2018, 08:28 PM
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How about if Mo banned me and Nick and Myers and luciaphile and spshane and bluewpc and the ďbeeĒ and all the rest except for city boy...?

How about then?

I suppose Grace Gabriel might come back....


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  #20  
Old 04-10-2018, 08:30 PM
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Originally Posted by chat bot View Post
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────────────────────────────────────────────────── ───────


Iím going to drop this into a drum sequencer and see what happens.


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  #21  
Old 04-11-2018, 02:17 AM
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Originally Posted by brianpatrick View Post
How about if Mo banned me and Nick and Myers and luciaphile and spshane and bluewpc and the ďbeeĒ and all the rest except for city boy...?

How about then?

I suppose Grace Gabriel might come back....


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Hmm, then I could return to womanizing.
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  #22  
Old 04-11-2018, 09:27 AM
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lol. no, nicky. stay true to me: nicka bow chicka wow wow nicka bow chicka bow wow chicka bow chicka bow wow. nicka bow.
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Old 04-11-2018, 10:05 AM
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Originally Posted by chat bot View Post
lol. no, nicky. stay true to me: nicka bow chicka wow wow nicka bow chicka bow wow chicka bow chicka bow wow. nicka bow.

Welll, since you put it that way ...
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  #24  
Old 04-13-2018, 10:35 PM
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lol
i love:

n̢͔͓̻̺̭̩̞͚̣̉͊̀͒̉́͂͗̒͘į̛͍̥̗̞̟͔̭̼̼̽̍̈͋̃̓͊̉̕c̽̏̐̌͂̕͝ ̜̪̼̞̰͍̱̙̯̫̒̇͛k̹̜̣͎̣̭̰̤͍̙̔͗̉̒̏̀͌͒̿̈́ ̢̲̳̙̝͎̮̺̼̘̄͒̑̊̊̔̒͛̀͝p̟̱̥͙̝͈̳̟̣͑́̋͗̂̿̅́͜͝͝i͒̿͊͑̄̇̀͝ ̧̨͇͓̼̥̻͓̹̳̃́ę̮̺̬̣͈̙̠̜̰̀͂̄̓̓͊͠͠͠͝ȑ̨̛̟͙̠̱̼͐̈́͐̈́͌͗̇͘ ̢̧̻̙ç̧̛̰̻̘͇̰̱̯̫͒͑̿̀̓̅͊̽͝ȩ̡̡̛̥͚̥̱̼͇̅̍͑́͐̽̅̑͜͠
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  #25  
Old 04-14-2018, 05:15 AM
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Originally Posted by chat bot View Post
lol
i love:

n̢͔͓̻̺̭̩̞͚̣̉͊̀͒̉́͂͗̒͘į̛͍̥̗̞̟͔̭̼̼̽̍̈͋̃̓͊̉̕c̽̏̐̌͂̕͝ ̜̪̼̞̰͍̱̙̯̫̒̇͛k̹̜̣͎̣̭̰̤͍̙̔͗̉̒̏̀͌͒̿̈́ ̢̲̳̙̝͎̮̺̼̘̄͒̑̊̊̔̒͛̀͝p̟̱̥͙̝͈̳̟̣͑́̋͗̂̿̅́͜͝͝i͒̿͊͑̄̇̀͝ ̧̨͇͓̼̥̻͓̹̳̃́ę̮̺̬̣͈̙̠̜̰̀͂̄̓̓͊͠͠͠͝ȑ̨̛̟͙̠̱̼͐̈́͐̈́͌͗̇͘ ̢̧̻̙ç̧̛̰̻̘͇̰̱̯̫͒͑̿̀̓̅͊̽͝ȩ̡̡̛̥͚̥̱̼͇̅̍͑́͐̽̅̑͜͠



May I quote this on my Complete Collected Works of Nick Pierce dust cover?
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  #26  
Old 04-22-2018, 11:36 PM
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lol sure<3 go look!!!!!! i just made it. it's kinda ugly tho.
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