Hi. I’m no poet. And I’m brand new around here. But I’ll give you some feedback.
I like the repetition of ‘yesterday you were beautiful’ and the general structure of the poem. I think it works well with the subject matter.
I like the way you have contrasted the old-world, almost ‘fairy-tale’ descriptions of the beauty of your subject, with more jarring, contemporary language, like” ….that colour of softener/always added an extra cup”, and: “….pressed a bundle of bills into the hand of the undertaker”. It’s good because it brings out the possibility (probability) that you are being sarcastic with your previously overly romantic descriptions.
I also like the way the last verse serves as a punch-line. It works very well in my opinion.
For me, though, the second verse just seems a little out of place in a way. I get the point of it; it shows the vanity and maybe superficiality of your subject, BUT this sentiment is not really explored or extended in any of the other verses. If you could just slot in a couple of hints in verse one and/or verse three, it might work even better. As it is, verse two just seems to stand out on its own a bit too much. But it’s a great verse in its own right, and I’d rather you leave it in than chop it.
Hope that makes sense. Well done, I really like it.