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The Curtain

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Old 07-20-2014, 01:50 PM
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poe (Offline)
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Default The Curtain

The stars struck me as so many pin holes
in the black sky
that there must be a blazing light hidden
back there.
One that would consume us
were the black curtain ever
to be drawn.

No such black velvet and diamonds strewn could fool me.
That optical illusion of the night sky ellipses
as it throws me through its loop
and covers over
G-d's blazing truth.

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Old 07-20-2014, 02:00 PM
E. Zamora (Offline)
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The stars as pinholes imagery seems very familiar to me.

No such black velvet and diamonds strewn could fool me.
It seems here like you are mixing your metaphors.

I think you could incorporate the thoughts from the second stanza into the first somehow. It seems redundant.
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