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dialogue from "dog p**p and bird p**p"

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Old 10-30-2013, 07:27 AM
mai88 (Offline)
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Icon5 dialogue from "dog p**p and bird p**p"

this is from a sitcom I was writing along time ago, anyone would like to give me advice?

Maggie takes out a bitten apple from the almost empty fridge: why do we have a half-eaten apple in the fridge!
Bianca: Nadia? (Maggie nods agreeing, since Nadia is cheap.)
Kali enters kitchen: hey, thatís mine. (She takes the apple of Maggieí hand)
Maggie: seriously Kali! And we thought Nadia is the cheap one!
Kali: Iím not cheap; Iím broke, which is worse.
Kerry comes to the kitchen shouting excitedly: found it.
Maggie: what did you find Dora?
Kerry: remember that adult movies producer we met once? Well he gave me his card back then, and Iíve been looking for it lately, and here it is. Iím gonna call him for a job, or a role or whatever they call it. What do you think?
Bianca: can I be the first one to tell mother about this?
Kerry: itís hard finding a job, the last interview I got; the guy wanted me to check on his prostate. I mean come on, am I that stupid. If I check on someoneís prostate and Iím not a doctor, I could go to jail.
Bianca: God! You are filled with wisdom!
Kerry: life is so hard when youíre pretty.
Maggie: can I see that card?
Kerry gives her the card, and she puts it in her mouth and start chewing it.
Kerry (panicking): what are you doing? Youíre ruining my career!
Maggie spits the card out in the sink, and opens the water.
Maggie: your career just went down the drain.
Kali gets back into the kitchen barefoot and screaming.
Bianca: did the Boogieman eat your shoes again, or was it a hawk attack?
Kali: thereís poop on our front door. Why is there poop on our front door!

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Old 04-16-2014, 06:06 AM
angelgirl (Offline)
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Hi, I could tell your script is trying to be humorous and make us laugh. I like the part where she eats and destroys the business card of the producer Kelly wants to contact. I don't think she would have gone too far, even if she did contact him. Maybe you can extend your script to a point where she meets him? Good luck with it.
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