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  #1  
Old 09-20-2018, 03:47 AM
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Default sometimes


a promise
is to keep
and a decision is made to feast
but
sometimes it is defeat
words can escape
even to the best of least
the mind could weep

to keep at it
repeat had it
one must speak

it is a tall reminder
to hear it louder.

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a lesson in
life is a pound
in sound
it reminds us
it is expensive a fine
so bear one
in mind

Last edited by Nacia; 09-22-2018 at 02:32 PM..
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  #2  
Old 09-22-2018, 12:19 PM
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Why do you cut your lines so short?

a promise is to keep (ok)
and a decision is to made to feast (what?)
but sometimes it is defeat (what????)
words can escape (who, what, where????)
even to best of least (are you trolling me???)
the mind could weep (is this sentiment even related to the last??)
to keep at it, repeat had it (Please kill me!)
one must speak (One must submit to euthanasia)
it is a tall reminder (Oh thank fuck, the needle comes closer)
to hear it louder. (Quieter, please eternal silence)

OK, this made no sense, it is like a consciousness splurge; as if you woke up from a nightmare and decided to impose it on me as the reader. I hate it when people tell me about their dreams, I don't care you boring bastard!

Thank for sharing
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  #3  
Old 09-22-2018, 02:14 PM
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Wow that was harsh, sorry.
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  #4  
Old 09-22-2018, 02:15 PM
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Originally Posted by Chinspinner View Post
Wow that was harsh, sorry.
Yeah...I don't think she'll want to be stranded on an island with you Chin.
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  #5  
Old 09-22-2018, 02:17 PM
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Originally Posted by Grace Gabriel View Post
Yeah...I don't think she'll want to be stranded on an island with you Chin.
LOL I don't mind Chin is cool LOL
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life is a pound
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it is expensive a fine
so bear one
in mind
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  #6  
Old 09-22-2018, 02:21 PM
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Originally Posted by Chinspinner View Post
Why do you cut your lines so short?

a promise is to keep (ok)
and a decision is to made to feast (what?)
but sometimes it is defeat (what????)
words can escape (who, what, where????)
even to best of least (are you trolling me???)
the mind could weep (is this sentiment even related to the last??)
to keep at it, repeat had it (Please kill me!)
one must speak (One must submit to euthanasia)
it is a tall reminder (Oh thank fuck, the needle comes closer)
to hear it louder. (Quieter, please eternal silence)

OK, this made no sense, it is like a consciousness splurge; as if you woke up from a nightmare and decided to impose it on me as the reader. I hate it when people tell me about their dreams, I don't care you boring bastard!

Thank for sharing
Actually there were a couple of mistakes I had to remove.
I don't know why I cut the sentences short. I just write and it just happens to be like that.

Sorry if it did not make any sense.
I have rectified the errors
line 2 and 4.

It is true what you said haha a nightmare and imposition.
Imagine if we had to do that to each other on a daily basis.
Nice one Chin your feedback is drama but for all the good reasons haha
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life is a pound
in sound
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it is expensive a fine
so bear one
in mind
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  #7  
Old 09-22-2018, 02:21 PM
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Originally Posted by Chinspinner View Post
Wow that was harsh, sorry.
Don't be sorry one must speak their mind.
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a lesson in
life is a pound
in sound
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it is expensive a fine
so bear one
in mind
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  #8  
Old 09-22-2018, 02:35 PM
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Originally Posted by Nacia View Post
Actually there were a couple of mistakes I had to remove.
I don't know why I cut the sentences short. I just write and it just happens to be like that.

Sorry if it did not make any sense.
I have rectified the errors
line 2 and 4.

It is true what you said haha a nightmare and imposition.
Imagine if we had to do that to each other on a daily basis.
Nice one Chin your feedback is drama but for all the good reasons haha
Honestly? I love reading your poetry, there is the 1/10 chance you get a bulls eye if only with one line. When you do, I cheer. But mostly it is just crap.

EDIT: btw, you are more than welcome to tear my delusions apart.
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  #9  
Old 09-22-2018, 02:38 PM
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Originally Posted by Chinspinner View Post
Honestly? I love reading your poetry, there is the 1/10 chance you get a bulls eye if only with one line. When you do, I cheer. But mostly it is just crap.
write some poetry WITH Nacia.

You write the first line - Nacia writes the second.

No rhyming - that girlie will throw anything together for a rhyme.

Give it a go you two - could be good.
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Old 09-22-2018, 02:45 PM
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Originally Posted by Grace Gabriel View Post
write some poetry WITH Nacia.

You write the first line - Nacia writes the second.

No rhyming - that girlie will throw anything together for a rhyme.

Give it a go you two - could be good.
Shush
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  #11  
Old 09-22-2018, 02:47 PM
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Originally Posted by Chinspinner View Post
Shush
You could start her off on the road of Laureatship...
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Old 09-22-2018, 02:52 PM
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Originally Posted by Grace Gabriel View Post
You could start her off on the road of Laureatship...
A laureate is but an aureate in a gilded chariot. Pssh!
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  #13  
Old 09-22-2018, 02:53 PM
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Originally Posted by Chinspinner View Post
A laureate is but an aureate in a gilded chariot. Pssh!

How dare you Pssh me sir!

Pistols at dawn you rogue!
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Old 09-22-2018, 02:58 PM
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Originally Posted by Grace Gabriel View Post
How dare you Pssh me sir!

Pistols at dawn you rogue!
Grace where is your poems?
Can you write one dedicated to Chin say??
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life is a pound
in sound
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  #15  
Old 09-22-2018, 02:58 PM
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Originally Posted by Grace Gabriel View Post
write some poetry WITH Nacia.

You write the first line - Nacia writes the second.

No rhyming - that girlie will throw anything together for a rhyme.

Give it a go you two - could be good.
LOL how did you know that LOL
__________________
a lesson in
life is a pound
in sound
it reminds us
it is expensive a fine
so bear one
in mind
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  #16  
Old 09-22-2018, 03:02 PM
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Originally Posted by Nacia View Post
Grace where is your poems?
Can you write one dedicated to Chin say??
I kinda wanna hear that.
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  #17  
Old 09-22-2018, 03:07 PM
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Originally Posted by Chinspinner View Post
I kinda wanna hear that.
..but do you deserve such homage?

I've been psshed at and thrown off my own bloody island in the last half an hour...
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  #18  
Old 09-22-2018, 03:31 PM
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Originally Posted by Grace Gabriel View Post
..but do you deserve such homage?

I've been psshed at and thrown off my own bloody island in the last half an hour...
haha, of course I do
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