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Money Makin'

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  #1  
Old 09-21-2018, 01:48 PM
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The readiest—is what one had not tried over,—
And when I cared the most, I cared not;
If but a helping hand, a pig in the roast—
Should assimilate me with another hatch,
But in this film, the star of the show is Sam, I am—

What Courtly gestures obtained herself,—
A bride’s gown for hairy goats—
And Poverty of Monarchy a minimal thing—
Everyone is an interior thing, chilled and sufficed—

No one depose
Who could walk that walk, and ordain—
And Who could add up the figures
Yet that I have made?

I wager there be no taxes,—
And there be an infinite number of Ways—
The arrestless view another sundown—
Nor was the Dawn arrayed—

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Old 09-21-2018, 07:55 PM
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The readiest—is what one had not tried over,—
And when I cared the most, I cared not;
If but a helping hand, a pig in the roast—
Should assimilate me with another hatch,
But in this film, the star of the show is Sam, I am—

What Courtly gestures obtained herself,—
A bride’s gown for hairy goats—
And Poverty of Monarchy a minimal thing—
Everyone is an interior thing, chilled and sufficed—




My imediate reaction was; what the fuck is this? Then I thought, come on fellah, sort it!

No one depose
Who could walk that walk, and ordain—
And Who could add up the figures
Yet that I have made?

There is a great rhyming scheme hidden in here, but it is hidden. From "ordain" onward it works, the earlier content is drivel.

Who could walk that walk would ordain,
And who would add up the figures
Yet that I have made...

I really wanted to change those lines, but they are so beautifully written, well-done. Do not change them.
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Old 09-21-2018, 08:12 PM
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thanks for all the compliments! you are such a hard crit. keep reading my work! please? thanks again.
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Old 09-24-2018, 09:38 AM
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Hack.

Youre back and so is your robotic poetry that means nothing but it still makes you money.

Id say good job at life, but im not sure youll be so thrilled with yourself when you turn to be SPShanes age and your still writing like this.
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Old 09-25-2018, 02:05 PM
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thanks for reading!
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