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  #31  
Old 09-04-2018, 01:48 PM
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Originally Posted by Grace Gabriel View Post
You're welcome.

The same amount of detailed description for Sigma and the same creation of aura around him as you did with Thally - he didn't make me feel anything towards him.
Haha , clearly not, he is a her, I need to do some work

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  #32  
Old 09-04-2018, 01:56 PM
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Originally Posted by Chinspinner View Post
Haha , clearly not, he is a her, I need to do some work
Sorry, my bad.

I meant Tallisker.
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  #33  
Old 09-04-2018, 02:01 PM
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Originally Posted by Grace Gabriel View Post
Sorry, my bad.

I meant Tallisker.
Oh he gets important, because straight, white men can be good, believe it or not
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  #34  
Old 09-07-2018, 02:32 PM
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Just to be doubly sure, you meant the first (very short chapter) and not the second (long) chapter?
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  #35  
Old 09-07-2018, 02:35 PM
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Originally Posted by Chinspinner View Post
Just to be doubly sure, you meant the first (very short chapter) and not the second (long) chapter?
First, very short intense chapter - superb.
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  #36  
Old 09-07-2018, 02:36 PM
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Originally Posted by Grace Gabriel View Post
First, very short intense chapter - superb.
cool, thx, I churned that out in a drunken haze. Dam gotta stop overthinking stuff.
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  #37  
Old 09-07-2018, 02:40 PM
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so, sorry to bother you overlong on this. Did anything work in chapter 2, or is it a complete restart? Sorry, that is a bigger ask than it sounds.

Was it the tone, the stanza, the rhythm, or was it just bad?
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  #38  
Old 09-07-2018, 03:38 PM
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Originally Posted by Chinspinner View Post
cool, thx, I churned that out in a drunken haze. Dam gotta stop overthinking stuff.
If you maintain that intensity throughout by pairing it down, this would be extremely compelling reading.

Sounds as if you're currently sober - so I'll sieze this rare opportunity of potential receptiveness to confirm your suspicion of pissing your formiddable talent up the wall.

So gifted. We love you. Sort it out Chin. x
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  #39  
Old 09-07-2018, 03:54 PM
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Originally Posted by Grace Gabriel View Post
If you maintain that intensity throughout by pairing it down, this would be extremely compelling reading.

Sounds as if you're currently sober - so I'll sieze this rare opportunity of potential receptiveness to confirm your suspicion of pissing your formiddable talent up the wall.

So gifted. We love you. Sort it out Chin. x
haha very lovely sentiment, and do appreciate, but would you discard chapter 2? A simple yes or no is good?
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  #40  
Old 09-07-2018, 03:55 PM
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Originally Posted by Chinspinner View Post
haha very lovely sentiment, and do appreciate, but would you discard chapter 2? A simple yes or no is good?
No.
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  #41  
Old 09-07-2018, 03:59 PM
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It wasn't quite good enough. Personally the first half is endless set up and the second introduces potentially compelling characters... so jump into the second, delete some of both?

I realise I am asking beyond the normal realms of some twatty writing site where people come at you with "Sarah awoke to the sound of bells, but were those bells evil, or the talent of her evil sister bell ringer who died ten years ago"...
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  #42  
Old 09-07-2018, 04:53 PM
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I once gave one of my professors the first two pages of a current work,cause that's all he asked for. Prestigiously published man from New York with an extensive Wikipedia page and a multitude of published works yada yada yada..,

He said, the point of the narrator is to only address important issues and report the unimportant, so the conversation I had on the first page he said to delete. Problem was, at least to me, is that the conversation, however mundane it appeared, changed every three pages, because I wanted to hint at something else.

Not saying he was wrong now. Who am I to question such an illustrious man, but... What did he know of the import on the inane?
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  #43  
Old 09-07-2018, 05:01 PM
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Originally Posted by daes13 View Post
I once gave one of my professors the first two pages of a current work,cause that's all he asked for. Prestigiously published man from New York with an extensive Wikipedia page and a multitude of published works yada yada yada..,

He said, the point of the narrator is to only address important issues and report the unimportant, so the conversation I had on the first page he said to delete. Problem was, at least to me, is that the conversation, however mundane it appeared, changed every three pages, because I wanted to hint at something else.

Not saying he was wrong now. Who am I to question such an illustrious man, but... What did he know of the import on the inane?
Yeah, and he was probably correct, but if he just said - there are parts of these 3,000 words that don't work, would you have said "ok", or "which parts?"
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  #44  
Old 09-07-2018, 08:08 PM
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nah, he probably wasnít correct and thatís the point really ...

youíve got to master the art of self critic - your own internal banter

chin knows
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  #45  
Old 09-07-2018, 08:10 PM
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Anna, it is really good to see you, where you been?
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  #46  
Old 09-07-2018, 08:34 PM
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ooh, just hanging on to the periphery of life, chuckle

thank you, just it suddenly occurred to me that to critic anotherís work is probably more helpful in the understanding of ones own plot on the map.

... so critic another to self empower ..chuckle into my pillow,
shouldíve gone back to sleep, will now

nite nite,





will read with first cup of tea and hesitate
btw, sleeping with window closed, spider season
but it wakes me up through lack of oxygen

anna liked that human song

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  #47  
Old 09-07-2018, 08:37 PM
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hey Anna?
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  #48  
Old 09-07-2018, 08:39 PM
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Originally Posted by Chinspinner View Post
hey Anna?
Well if you do, the second chapter is causing probs. Cheers Fellah.
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  #49  
Old 09-07-2018, 08:44 PM
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yes, I will

no itís not causing problems ...
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  #50  
Old 09-07-2018, 08:47 PM
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take ten random pieces of written work

critic them in your head

go back to your own
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  #51  
Old 09-07-2018, 08:53 PM
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No Anna, it is shit for other ppl...
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  #52  
Old 09-07-2018, 08:54 PM
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People read the second chapter and attack me in the face
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  #53  
Old 09-07-2018, 08:55 PM
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where have you been btw?
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  #54  
Old 09-07-2018, 08:59 PM
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Originally Posted by anna View Post
take ten random pieces of written work

critic them in your head

go back to your own
So, why are you hidden? Who you hurting?
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  #55  
Old 09-07-2018, 08:59 PM
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oops, that is in the chat log
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  #56  
Old 09-07-2018, 09:00 PM
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oh, you were anyway haha
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  #57  
Old 09-07-2018, 09:00 PM
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oh whatever
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  #58  
Old 09-08-2018, 12:08 AM
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ooh chin

... am wake again for day time grooves

Well to critic and keep what you think in your head doesn’t fuck with anyone’s sensibilities. To look at chapter 2 because it’s fucking with others sensibilities - ok - give me 5 (minutes) - but again, that will essentially aid me more than you, anna could spout nonsense - the skill is in garnering any usefulness and discarding feedback that stunts your growth.

um dunno about chat log?

Hidden - to protect myself and family, some folk are menacing for real. Not sure you ever get over some shit - that’s how it works, it gets under your skin. Never mind. ... flea and anna go back many years, his real and mine are a mystery to us and perhaps that’s why it’s a pleasurable space.

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  #59  
Old 09-08-2018, 12:53 AM
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I mean give us more damnit! Its been weeks now haha. And don't cut anything completely unless you decide it doesnt go with the story. As it stands 2 goes with the story better than 1 to me, because you won't fuvking post the rest!

Nah, he knows his shit so I wrote it differently so it weren't so inane. I always take advice.
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  #60  
Old 09-08-2018, 01:11 AM
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Originally Posted by daes13 View Post
I mean give us more damnit! Its been weeks now haha. And don't cut anything completely unless you decide it doesnt go with the story. As it stands 2 goes with the story better than 1 to me, because you won't fuvking post the rest!

Nah, he knows his shit so I wrote it differently so it weren't so inane. I always take advice.
nah, you thought about it first, always taking advice negates internal debate, shrugs
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