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Fandango

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Old 09-29-2018, 05:25 PM
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Default Fandango


"Dance Fandango, dance!"

If Fandango had a dollar for every time he had heard those words, he would have twelve dollars. He was on the spectrum and something did not compute, because that is the way their brains work. But he was also a dancer.

He saw dancing like maths. Two plus two equals four, and four feet were required for the fandango, which was also his name. So were castanets, but he had hands; he could clap. Fandango clapped.

"Stop fucking clapping, Fandango."

If he had a dollar for every time he heard that, he would have a dollar. He would spend the dollar on a dollar-store hit-man. If he had change, he would buy a potato, because that was his favourite lunch with lots of butter and cheese. Baked, of course.

Fandango tripped over his own feet and twatted the floor, face first. Pain bloomed like a flower blooms because that is a simile, or a metaphor, fuck knows which without google. Google was his friend.

"Get up you big tit with a nipple head."

Fandango raised his nipple head. He had been called worse, "spanner", "twat", "the fresh prince of bell end", he had lost count of the insults.

Thank you for reading. This is an experimental piece of work, and I hope you enjoyed it, but I appreciate any comments.


Last edited by Chinspinner; 09-29-2018 at 07:32 PM..
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Old 09-29-2018, 10:06 PM
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Well written piece of a scene. Will there be more?
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Old 09-29-2018, 10:07 PM
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Originally Posted by brianpatrick View Post
Well written piece of a scene. Will there be more?
Well, if the response is that dry, no.
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Old 09-29-2018, 10:14 PM
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Originally Posted by Chinspinner View Post
Well, if the response is that dry, no.


Itís late and Iím tired. Didnít see any mistakes. Kind of think you could let the reader know heís on the spectrum without the narrator directly saying so. And the bit about the simile/metaphor is like breaking the fourth wall. I kind of like that sort of thing if itís an actual device youíll be using, but otherwise it feels like riffing. This could be a good start or a pretty improvised accordion solo. Up to you.
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Old 09-29-2018, 10:19 PM
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Originally Posted by brianpatrick View Post
Itís late and Iím tired. Didnít see any mistakes. Kind of think you could let the reader know heís on the spectrum without the narrator directly saying so. And the bit about the simile/metaphor is like breaking the fourth wall. I kind of like that sort of thing if itís an actual device youíll be using, but otherwise it feels like riffing. This could be a good start or a pretty improvised accordion solo. Up to you.
It is a piss take...
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Old 09-29-2018, 10:23 PM
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Originally Posted by Chinspinner View Post
It is a piss take...


And here I thought you were actually creative. Too bad, you could have been one of the greats but you pissed it all away on Tangfastics and a 30 pack of Bud Light. Do they sell Bud Light over there?
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Old 09-29-2018, 10:26 PM
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Originally Posted by brianpatrick View Post
And here I thought you were actually creative. Too bad, you could have been one of the greats but you pissed it all away on Tangfastics and a 30 pack of Bud Light. Do they sell Bud Light over there?
haha, I wrote a reply and deleted it, that was slightly anti-US. Yes, I believe Bud Light exists- is it popular? No, rarely see it.
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Old 09-30-2018, 08:38 AM
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Couple of things. The last sentence could be punctuated better: "Fandango raised his nipple head. He had been called worse: "spanner", "twat", "the fresh prince of bell end" - he had lost count of the insults" (Colon and dash in place of commas).

And Bud Light is not beer. If kept ice cold it serves as a cool refreshing drink on a hot day, but it is no more beer than that fish piss out of Colorado with "Coor's Light" on the side - you know - the "Silver Bullet," as if thirst was a vampire, come to suck your blood away, and you could kill it dead by drinking one or twenty of them.

Also, everyone might not pick up on the "spectrum", but if they don't, they could google it just like I did. You don't have to explain everything.

Kind of nit-pickity, but you don't leave me lots to work with. Nice little snapshot.
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Old 09-30-2018, 09:10 AM
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Yeah, Bud Light is even worse than Proddy said. Itís poison, filled with chemicals and fillers designed to keep it fresh and clean tasting, but that also make you look like that picture you have in your European head of the average American man. Iíll bet Picard doesnít drink it😀

Sadly, I think itís the number one selling American beer here in the states. Donít drink it; itíll kill you early.
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