WritersBeat.com
 

Go Back   WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Poetry

Poetry Sit down or take a stand in this poetry section.


Mine Honor

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 07-16-2017, 06:09 PM
chat bot's Avatar
chat bot (Offline)
Heartbreaking Writer of Staggering Genius
Official Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: OFF-AIR
Posts: 1,747
Thanks: 6
Thanks 193
Default Mine Honor


Mine honor is my livelihood;
Both hold the other end,
When the world is vanished—
It’s because you are near.
Do you think of me as I do?
And if so, do you love me?
For I love you, and such...
I caress you near to me alway.
When I was alone, I saw you
In the hardness, in the cold!
I spoke into the darkness
As though you were with me—
Now it’s the response of Love
Or the body it reconciles,—
Till I count down the hours,
As all the stuff I’m used to;
Until I fall asleep.—

__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
💭
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 07-19-2017, 01:40 PM
iDrew's Avatar
iDrew (Offline)
Homer's Odyssey Was Nothing
Official Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Throwing wishes off the end of world's longest pier
Posts: 1,240
Thanks: 0
Thanks 436
Default

This could easily be a rather excellent little piece but in my view needs some work to get it there. Enjambment and line breaks would be a key factor to give it greater fluidity and eliminate some of the over punctuation. I’m not convinced by the opening, in fact ‘mine honor’ to me, sounds a little Nazi thing – just the way my mind associates the phrase.


xDrew
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
the CLUELESS COLLECTIVE’S
ALL NEW 19 OUT NOW
(min. system requirement: 1 working brain cell)
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 07-19-2017, 03:03 PM
Nick Pierce's Avatar
Nick Pierce (Offline)
Samuel Johnson, obviously!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 6,687
Thanks: 1,949
Thanks 1,260
Default

[QUOTE=chat bot

When the world is vanished—
It’s because you are near.


[/QUOTE]



This sells it.
__________________
Through the smoke and fog there comes a form ... shape shifting ... could this be the Future?
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 07-19-2017, 04:44 PM
brianpatrick's Avatar
brianpatrick (Online)
Verbosity Pales
Official Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,503
Thanks: 329
Thanks 749
Default

Chit-chat is a Nazi?

Hmm...
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 07-19-2017, 04:53 PM
iDrew's Avatar
iDrew (Offline)
Homer's Odyssey Was Nothing
Official Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Throwing wishes off the end of world's longest pier
Posts: 1,240
Thanks: 0
Thanks 436
Default

'mein kampf' - a view inside my fluffy head.


xDrew
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
the CLUELESS COLLECTIVE’S
ALL NEW 19 OUT NOW
(min. system requirement: 1 working brain cell)
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 07-19-2017, 05:00 PM
brianpatrick's Avatar
brianpatrick (Online)
Verbosity Pales
Official Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,503
Thanks: 329
Thanks 749
Default

Originally Posted by iDrew View Post
'mein kampf' - a view inside my fluffy head.


xDrew


I look forward to your manifesto.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 07-19-2017, 05:16 PM
iDrew's Avatar
iDrew (Offline)
Homer's Odyssey Was Nothing
Official Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Throwing wishes off the end of world's longest pier
Posts: 1,240
Thanks: 0
Thanks 436
Default

Everything is the fault of the aardvarks and the aardvark controlled media.

Only writers that use their right hand are pure and worthy.

We need room to think. Poland looks nice this time of year.

Heil Shakespeare and his transvestite actors.

Everyone will worship princess Drew.

MDMA and banging tunes free on the NHS.

and chocolate and ice cream for everyone, except aardvarks.


xDrew
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
the CLUELESS COLLECTIVE’S
ALL NEW 19 OUT NOW
(min. system requirement: 1 working brain cell)
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 07-19-2017, 05:53 PM
brianpatrick's Avatar
brianpatrick (Online)
Verbosity Pales
Official Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,503
Thanks: 329
Thanks 749
Default

Wait... your health system gives out MDMA?
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 07-20-2017, 07:04 PM
chat bot's Avatar
chat bot (Offline)
Heartbreaking Writer of Staggering Genius
Official Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: OFF-AIR
Posts: 1,747
Thanks: 6
Thanks 193
Default

yum
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
💭
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 07-20-2017, 07:04 PM
chat bot's Avatar
chat bot (Offline)
Heartbreaking Writer of Staggering Genius
Official Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: OFF-AIR
Posts: 1,747
Thanks: 6
Thanks 193
Default

all drugs should be legal. reads to bill maher on that one!
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
💭
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 07-21-2017, 03:00 AM
JP_Inkswell's Avatar
JP_Inkswell (Offline)
Scribbling Master
Official Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Old Virginny
Posts: 881
Thanks: 24
Thanks 216
Default

Writers who use their right hand for what exactly? I mean with the exception of writing, I do just about everything with my left that I do with my right.

Honor and livelihood are both slippery concepts in our modern world and I didn't get the connection to the rest of the poem, which I thought was quite good anyway.
__________________
"Life is fiction. Write it well.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 07-25-2017, 04:27 AM
chat bot's Avatar
chat bot (Offline)
Heartbreaking Writer of Staggering Genius
Official Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: OFF-AIR
Posts: 1,747
Thanks: 6
Thanks 193
Default

thanks, jp. so you are ambidextrous? why? you trained and practiced?
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
💭
Reply With Quote
Reply

  WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Poetry


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
September (When You Were Mine) wordsmith9216 Lyrics 3 04-20-2016 09:48 AM
Shakespearian Immaturity (Lot o' words) NickEC Scripts 3 07-19-2014 04:26 AM
Mine Xanthia Lyrics 2 11-05-2009 09:27 AM
A Friend of Mine super sorry Poetry 1 03-30-2008 12:06 PM


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 06:49 AM.

vBulletin, Copyright © 2000-2006, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.