WritersBeat.com
 

Go Back   WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Prompts & Challenges

Prompts & Challenges Prompts, readings, and ideas to get you writing.


Challenge #48, Lost

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 07-28-2012, 11:00 PM
DELTAfox1994's Avatar
DELTAfox1994 (Offline)
Scribbler
Official Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: In a house.
Posts: 35
Thanks: 4
Thanks 2
Icon1 Challenge #48, Lost


At least 100 words, and no "a," "an," or "the?" Let's get this party started.

I am lost without you.

It sounds so trite and cliche, like those lines out of crummy love stories. But sitting here, on Poquessing Creek Drive, cast aside like trash, I've never felt so lost. I know exactly where I am on earth, and exactly how to get home. Back to Southampton, head south, left at Endicott, right, left. No more than ten minutes, walking. I've never known so much truth to be in such silly little lines until now.

Now it's been six months since I've seen you or heard your voice. I'm wandering, aimlessly, with no drive or joy. "Broken down husk," is how I'd refer to myself. Sure, I got into that college I want. Sure, I just got that cool staff position. But what does it all matter, when you're not there to enjoy it with me? I'm just some crusty old autumn leaf, victim to every pull and thrust of stormy winds.

Drops start falling from above. Just here and there, no downpour. Midsummer heat and humidity encroach on me, but I don't care. I look at your picture on my phone, see you smiling brightly up at me. It doesn't help. I know it's fake. Moments frozen in images. Not real, not alive.

I wonder what you're doing, right now. Are you with him? My friend? My second friend you abandoned me to be with?

One hundred emotions rush me, all at once. Fear, loneliness, rage, hurt.

My thoughts drift to what's sitting on my kitchen table, at home. Glock 19. Olive drab frame. Nine millimeter parabellum. All it takes for release is five-point-five pounds of pressure. I chastise myself, think, "Stop it! You cannot give up. You will get her back. You have to."

But I've been fighting for so long, and I can't fight any longer. I'm tired. I'm scared. I miss you.

It's really coming down, now. I almost smile, because more rain will mask my tears. It's almost funny; midday and nobody to raise their eyebrows at this weepy, pathetic "me." Deep down I know it's as simple as that. We are meant to be together, so I have to get you back. There is no option called "failure," and none called, "move on." There is only, "be with you."

I have one goal for my life: live in peace with those I love. It's no complicated goal. Quite simple, actually. But as with everything, it's all in execution.

I resolve to figure something out and somehow rebuild what we had. I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I will. I promised you I would never abandon you, and verdammt I will keep that promise.

But it's pouring now, and I can't find enough strength to get up and go back home. I close my eyes, loll my head back, and whisper,

"I love you."


Based on personal experiences.

__________________
"I am always outnumbered, but never outmanned."
-Dusty, Tier 1 Operator, AFO Wolfpack
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 09-06-2012, 09:34 PM
Gritsy's Avatar
Gritsy (Offline)
The Next Bard
Official Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 439
Thanks: 289
Thanks 91
Send a message via Yahoo to Gritsy
Default

Wow, no if , and or buts this man is determined to win her back or else! I'm certainly convinced. I've seen a lot of "Dear John" letters but this reads like one in the reverse if you know what I mean. This man has convinced himself that he has no where to go without this woman. You convinced the reader now go out and convince the woman!
Gritsy
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 09-08-2012, 10:23 PM
DELTAfox1994's Avatar
DELTAfox1994 (Offline)
Scribbler
Official Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: In a house.
Posts: 35
Thanks: 4
Thanks 2
Default

Originally Posted by Gritsy View Post
Wow, no if , and or buts this man is determined to win her back or else! I'm certainly convinced. I've seen a lot of "Dear John" letters but this reads like one in the reverse if you know what I mean. This man has convinced himself that he has no where to go without this woman. You convinced the reader now go out and convince the woman!
Gritsy
Ah, but like all things, it's easier said than done.

I was aiming to capture unfiltered, raw emotion. The "Dear John" letters you mentioned are usually very emotional affairs, and in many ways you are right in saying that this is going in the opposite direction. It's rather like a response to one, actually.

Presently I am convinced that there are few human forces on earth that are more powerful than a man in love. It is second only to a mother protecting her child.
__________________
"I am always outnumbered, but never outmanned."
-Dusty, Tier 1 Operator, AFO Wolfpack
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 09-09-2012, 04:01 PM
blackwire (Offline)
Copyist
Official Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Columbia, MO
Posts: 39
Thanks: 8
Thanks 9
Default

Beautifully detailed. Emotional writing is deep and a lot of the time somewhat sad it seems. I've always wondered why I don't feel like writing when I'm content, but the great writers of the past would agree that happiness is not an inspiration for great thoughts. It seems contentment is the enemy of creativity. But, I'm rambling again it seems. These words you've written are felt by many and others will resonate with your story having been in your position within their own life. I come to find after years of searching that perfect is not found, however long you seek. Perfect is acquired only by many years of trudging through the mud where you finally find yourself content and happy with a partner. Fought for and never found. Good luck.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 06-19-2014, 09:46 AM
ubergeek's Avatar
ubergeek (Offline)
Let me introduce myself
New Author
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Ohio - the heart of, um, nothing.
Posts: 9
Thanks: 5
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Default

I have a lot of respect for someone who puts their innermost emotions out on display like this. Very well done!

There was raw emotion but it was controlled and revealed at the right time. Find another girl. There are plenty out there!
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 07-21-2014, 12:42 PM
poe's Avatar
poe (Offline)
Intellectually Fertile
Official Member
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: The Bronx
Posts: 144
Thanks: 32
Thanks 31
Default

Best recourse? Show how much you don't need her anymore(yeah right!) Be unrelentingly successful. By the time she comes crawling back to you, you will no longer be interested.
Yeah, write! Oh, BTW, nice piece.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 07-23-2014, 09:13 AM
Escriber* (Offline)
Word Wizard
Official Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Sarasota, Fl
Posts: 559
Thanks: 30
Thanks 119
Icon11 Challenge #48, Lost

Pretty good technique.

Your setting completes more than one task.
Not only the grounding of the reader,

But also the introduction of the conflict.
__________________
As the saying goes,
first the Dread,
so remember to Dream the Descent.
No despair- it is the Decision.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 07-24-2014, 12:58 PM
snow_wolf97's Avatar
snow_wolf97 (Offline)
Abnormally Articulate
Official Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: in my own little world
Posts: 119
Thanks: 14
Thanks 5
Default

Wow. This is such a beautiful piece. I had tears in my eyes by the end of it. It's very controlled and I love your descriptions. The way the sentences are structured adds to it as well. I love this piece :') <3
Reply With Quote
Reply

  WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Prompts & Challenges


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Challenge #49 - All the Colors of Emotion (Original Challenge) Firefly Past Prompts and Challenges 5 10-29-2012 10:21 AM
What's Lost Is Lost Ethan Blake Poetry 1 09-09-2010 09:31 AM
Challenge #36 - All We Have Are Potatoes and Gravy (Original Challenge) Firefly Past Prompts and Challenges 0 11-02-2009 09:52 AM
A Tale of Lost Peaks (Excerpt) - Caution: Violence and Language Slick-Jimmy Fiction 2 07-20-2009 04:09 AM
Little Girl Lethal (An Excerpt) - When Traveling To Lost Peaks Slick-Jimmy Fiction 6 02-13-2009 02:31 PM


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 04:54 PM.

vBulletin, Copyright 2000-2006, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.