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Itty Birdy

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  #1  
Old 04-26-2017, 04:28 PM
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I need you, it said
Don’t we know you?
’Twas foreknown—
And once a bushel head

It could not feed itself—to Me.
That lonesome, crawling high—
The beak had pressed against my “Please”
All along the way, towards Eternity.

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Old 04-27-2017, 11:41 PM
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I like the last two lines - beautiful

The odd use of vocabulary distorts your writing Bot - if something is too illusive, your readers can't connect with it.

Keep the words simple - your writing creates style and mood effortlessly and these are enough to carry basic language elegantly.

"T'was foreknown and once a bushel head" doesn't make sense. What did you want to say here?
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Last edited by Grace Gabriel; 04-27-2017 at 11:48 PM..
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Old 04-29-2017, 02:02 PM
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aiight, i'm practicing. it was all about the prairie in my backyard.
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