Go Back   WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Fiction

Fiction Novel excerpts, short stories, etc.

Hardly Hell

Thread Tools
Old 08-11-2006, 08:12 PM
TillDusk's Avatar
TillDusk (Offline)
Eloquent Troll
Official Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 322
Thanks: 0
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Hardly Hell

He walked into the room
The grand design of a metal heart in the gloom
No entrance and no exit
Ah baby, he could smell it in the air
He grabbed his wisps for hair
The blue mists suffocating him
He saw the green figure pass
"Wouldn't you love to love her dearly?"
Sotha laughed to be sure, "What is love but deadly temptation?"
The green being whispered in, tempting, tempting.

In a room that was like a giant circular chasm, Sotha stood, blue mists heavily decorating the air in the absence of oxygen. How did he breathe, as the devil stood near him in his green fashionable cloak. The green being smiled, thick lips and thicker eyes with souls that dwelled in deeper depths then a man's. He walked and he changed, transforming and refining his evil art with every beautiful wonderful dreadful step.

"The heart, it is a kiss it needs," The green being said, words enveloping Sotha. "Just kiss it's metal heart, pumping beautifully. Sotha, it's cracking already. Look at what you done, don't you know temptation is your road to damnation?"

"What are you talking of? You speak in riddles that no man can understand, you write in prose that no eyes can dwell upon," Sotha said, voice cracking, shaking, fevered. "Love is not temptation. Love is not temptation."

A hollow scream answered, like a cold laughter filling the room, the green being smiled and said, "I've been in this guise for more then a thousand years. Honestly, to be told, I know temptation better then wise men who are old. And what is lust but desire, and what is love but desire?"

"Lies!" Flashes of pain echoed through Sotha's lonely life. "Love must be grand. Love has to be. It's all humanity has over the animals."

"Oh that's not true," The devil bent down, sitting on the cold metallic floor. "That's not true at all, that's just idealist optimistic men speaking through your lips now Sotha. Come now, you're pure, you're well thought out and your morals straight and narrow. God built you up good Sotha, but no man can compare to me. No man can compare to hell's doddling tongue."

"Love is human!"

"Ravens love to, or was it crows? I care not for His creations, or for men's nations. Everything is a tool, interlocking in the gizmos of society. Sotha, humanity is running like clockwork and progress is hitting twilight, hitting midnight, hitting the red stop sign that leads to me. Ah damn, it's going be a fun new millenia."

"Fuck you."

The green being jumped up, suprised, "Come now! Sotha, such language, don't say it in front of the children."

Sotha looked at the metal heart, beating as if it was flesh and muscle. There was a rotting hand that been placed in the middle of it, it was a giant arm that stretched through one side of the heart out the other. Suspending the heart in midair, and leaving a deeper circular hole beneath that led to only devil knows where. The beating was increasingly loud, hammering into Sotha terribly.

"I can't think here," Sotha said, walking around the chasms. Pacing. "Let me out. Devil let me out. I can't think here. Let me out. Devil let me out."

"You'll get out once damnation is sufficed for me," The devil laughed. "Don't you know, purity's gift? You'll instill new thought in them all, you'll put a new breed in the generational seed. It takes purity to do that. The straight and narrow. You've accomplished it, Sotha. You're one fucking pure man, look there it goes again."

Sotha looked at his arm, blood was flowing rapidly from it, "No... not again."

"Oh my," The devil laughed, shambling his green cloak. "Oh my, now that is something I'm afraid of. Looks like the divine really got you in the grapevine. Don't worry Sotha, you won this game. One day though one of these pure ones is going be dark, and I'll snatch him up for myself, my own golden ark. He'll suffice damnation for me, and then all of humanity will have salvation instead of the proud few with the capital C."

"This is not right," Sotha said. Blood flowing from him, a knife suddenly in his hands and it was of his own doing as he cut himself, made himself a martyr for a cause he did not know. "What am I doing? Why can't I stop? I can't think here. Let me out."

The devil whispered into his ear, the green being's arms around Sotha's shoulders lovingly, "Ah baby, don't worry. Calm and all whispers, the stars have divined that you would stay. In this purgatory, you will write a thousand thought story. Such idea! Such symbolism! Such romance and tales of goodly good's advance! Oh GOD! HOW I LOVE IT!"

The green being took his fist, punching Sotha down, Sotha's face cracking as his flesh wrinkled and withered away. There was no scream as the green being roared in ecstasy, "WRAP ME IN GOLD, GOOD GOD YOU GIVE ME SO MUCH!"

"No, I can't think."

The green being's mouth, like the sharped fangs of a well-taught viper, stroke down into Sotha's stomach. Fangs screeching with pleasure as blood flowed into the serpentile mouth of a divine. The metal heart cracked as Sotha's eyes popped in green ruddy puss. He was seizuring and the green being's cloak, thrown aside showing his true form.

"Ah ha," The devil laughed as he went back up from Sotha, mouth dribbling in blood.
Hell opened, the heart opened, and babies stumbled out of it. They were breathing and living and healthy. The devil looked at them, "Don't worry Sotha, you'll give them all thought."

Sotha stood up, blood flowing from his broken corpse of a body, "Fuck, the pain."
"Purity is but a pain," The devil said, unconcerned. "Purity is harder then you know. I've given in a thousand times, and oh God my body loves me, but without temptation there is no love."

Sotha looked at the devil's back, with its burnt flesh and scaled lizard skin, "What do you mean?"

Sotha's voice shaky. He was fevered, and he was dying. He could not see anything anymore. Just the devil, just that back, that horrible fleshy scaled back.
The devil looked at him, and he saw a mock face of Jesus, "Without temptation, there is no love. Without DRIVE to LIVE there is no LOVE."

"No," Sotha cried from eyeless sockets. "Love is not temptation... oh God!"
"You are pure Sotha, you have not been tempted where temptation has succeeded. You have not loved, and you have no life."

Sotha screamed, "I can't think here! I can't think here! I must get out!"

He ran towards the chasm wall, the metal surface hot and heated. He took his arm and bashed it, shattered his bone into millions of places as he banged for an entrance way. Bone cracked. He screamed. Sotha kept bashing and bashing as the devil's warm laughter filled the air with a sadness unknown.


"As you wish," Said the devil.

A door appeared and Sotha tried to open it, but as he opened it his body burned and was destroyed. All that was left, smoking ash and clumps of Sotha's meaty flesh. The babies looked at the opened door, a great beaming white light of new thought echoing forever.
"Sotha," The devil said. "You really came through, you won this time."

The babies looked at their green role model and the devil smiled lovingly at them, "I love you my children. Go away from this heart, go through the door and live and love."
The children did, but the devil stopped one, picking it up and nursing it with his own foul ways. All the babies were gone and he closed the door, making all the metallic walls smooth and unbroken once more. Only one baby left, sucking on the devil's grotesque lizard tit.

"Aw," The devil smiled, looking into the baby's blue eyes. "I'll name you Sotha, just like all the others. I do love that name so. Baby, baby, you'll build a door. Baby, baby, generations of thought to come for nations. You're my little progress, you're my little martyr.

"My pure, pure baby."

Reply With Quote
Old 08-12-2006, 04:28 AM
Geo44r32 (Offline)
Profusive Denizen
Official Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 248
Thanks: 0
Thanks 0

Youíre writing is in green.


"Wouldn't you love to love her dearly?", I know you can do better than this.

Ah damn, it's going be a fun new millenia." Thereís a double n in millennia.

"Let me out. Devil let me out. I can't think here. Let me out. Devil let me out.", was your emotion in this suppose to be whining? The last sentence wasnít needed.

Sotha looked at his arm, blood was flowing rapidly from it, "No... not again.", would someone really say that if heís bleeding severely? Express more anger here I think.

Actually it was amusing and not scary, not sure what was your attempt, but for an older audience for a Halloween comical this would be it. Itís somewhere between a silly horror action and a scary movie.

Last edited by Geo44r32; 08-12-2006 at 07:18 AM..
Reply With Quote
Old 08-12-2006, 04:25 PM
TillDusk's Avatar
TillDusk (Offline)
Eloquent Troll
Official Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 322
Thanks: 0
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

It's not really meant to be horrorifying or scary at all lol. It's most just the devil talking about the progress of men, and the story symbolizes how he does makes humanity progress.

I wrote this story on a whim, my friend urged me to finish it, so eh lol. I like the story, it has some good ol crazed symbolism in it like most of my pieces, but there are definitly some weak points in it. I definitly wasn't going for comical! lol

Again, I always love the stark contrast of comments between my poetry and stories lol

Reply With Quote

  WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Fiction

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Creep World (WIP) MalReynolds Fiction 21 09-07-2017 06:06 AM
the fires of hell kellykat60409 Poetry 4 06-19-2007 01:45 PM
I was Heaven and you Hell TillDusk Poetry 14 06-19-2007 01:41 PM
I was Heaven and you Hell TillDusk Poetry 3 08-02-2006 07:02 AM

All times are GMT -8. The time now is 12:08 AM.

vBulletin, Copyright © 2000-2006, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.