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The Empowered Paper Green

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  #1  
Old 06-16-2017, 08:43 PM
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Default The Empowered Paper Green


The Empowered Paper Green

They reach for the plastic.
If it but be paper green.
Swipe, swipe, swipe.
The lines ring busy.
Stares of impatience begin to multiply.
Where the satellite gives no answers.
Swipe, swipe, swipe.
Head shakes no.
Words loudly sounded.
Cash Only Please.

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Old 06-27-2017, 12:39 AM
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this is a real poem. not all laid out. kind of the exploration i always wanna see. instead of a brainstorming tone tho, why not elaborate on just emptiness with something like this: (let me know if you like my critiques, if not i promise i'll never again; seeing as i just added you)

They reached for the plastic.
Getting as far as going's on.
If it be but paper green.
Swipe, swiping, swipe.
The lines still a-ringing busily.
Stares of income, lines of impatience.
It all begins to multiply.
When the satellite gave no clues.
Swipe, swipe, swiping away still.
Head goes, no.
Words loudly sounding.
Cash only please.
""

There. i think i heated it up a notch. just cause ur so good with depth. my favorite line is the last line. such an uppercut. bye, jay!
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