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Saving the Lost

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  #1  
Old 06-25-2017, 03:24 PM
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Default Saving the Lost


one you love says it's over

still you sit in the pit
and hold on

until you both crawl out
or fall in


Last edited by KBR; 06-25-2017 at 03:30 PM..
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Old 06-25-2017, 08:15 PM
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Sad and true. It's been a long time since I've felt this feeling.

On the criticism side, I think you need a verse between 2 and 3.

Just a little more meat to justify the falling in.

I don't have any suggestions.
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Old 06-26-2017, 03:26 AM
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I agree. I'll give it some thought. Thank you.
Originally Posted by brianpatrick View Post
Sad and twrue. It's been a long time since I've felt this feeling.

On the criticism side, I think you need a verse between 2 and 3.

Just a little more meat to justify the falling in.

I don't have any suggestions.
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Old 06-26-2017, 03:39 AM
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Nice. But it seems like the one who says it's over has already crawled out of the pit...
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Old 06-26-2017, 06:25 PM
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Originally Posted by Myers View Post
Nice. But it seems like the one who says it's over has already crawled out of the pit...


Ha ha. Silly Myers... just because someone says it's over doesn't mean it's over.

Sometimes people say it's over to elicit a response. In fact, if there was ever any love involved, it's over almost always means: don't let this be over.

Anyway, I wanted KBR to justify his statement here, ground it in the guts of attempt.
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Old 06-26-2017, 06:39 PM
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I think the more common and likely scenario is that when someone says it's over it means they want it to be over.

It's usually the dumpee who is in denial -- who holds out hope that the dumper is still in love.

And people fall out of love all the time. Doesn't mean they don't have lingering feelings of course, or another kind of non-romantic love or fondness.

The way it's presented here -- it seems like two conflicting thoughts or ideas -- even if that wasn't the intention.

But since we're both guessing, I'd say my guess is as good as yours.

Last edited by Myers; 06-26-2017 at 06:50 PM..
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Old 06-26-2017, 07:10 PM
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We'll agree to disagree. People don't fall out of love unless they were never really 'in love' to begin with. They may be dragged out of love or beaten out of love, or ignored or pinned out of it, but those that just fall out were never really in. There's always more to it.

Well, that's what I think anyway.
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Old 06-26-2017, 07:28 PM
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Default Saving the Lost

Well, when I say fall out of love, I just mean stop loving -- maybe for the reasons you mentioned and that might included a breaking of trust etc.

But I think it's possible to drift apart over time or go through some kind of personal change that changes the way you feel about someone -- even if you were both in love at one point. People say it happens -- and I don't think I'm in any position to say it can't.

Last edited by Myers; 06-27-2017 at 03:28 AM..
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Old 06-26-2017, 11:27 PM
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this is real nice. very short and dense. you could always have postponed the posting part because i could make it so much longer, as you could've, but with so little effort. it's the synopsis of any movie i'd watch over and over again.

Kirk! my only confession? you make me feel slightly jelly! props!
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Old 06-27-2017, 03:22 AM
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A succinct expression of the complexities of break up.

It's lovely Kirk. Twitchin' to add a word... fall 'back' in... just to plot their positions more clearly....it's a millimetre off the mark somehow?

Loving Bot's comment - yeah, you make me feel jelly too Kirk. Nice to see you around again x
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