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  #1  
Old 07-21-2009, 01:55 PM
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warning: Emo and a bit indulgent. oh well it was quite cathartic!

*********


Nathaniel Hawthorne wrote: "it is a curious subject of observation and inquiry, whether hatred and love be not the same thing at the bottom."

And I think I hated you from the moment we met. All that swagger and confidence. All those accomplishments listed off in that dry nonchalant voice of yours. It felt like you’d plucked every dream from my head and fulfilled each one better than I ever could have. I was seething with jealousy, fascination and dislike, drawn to you. The subtle humour. Those huge green eyes.

For one year and five months I orbited around the opulent burn of your existence. And then everything exploded into dead space and dust.

The paralysis of you receded bit by bit and it was like regaining feeling in a limb that has fallen asleep. Pins and needles. A spark of bitterness once and a while alighting the numbness and silence. Anger turned full fledged resentment. Hate.

I hate that you were first captivated by the culmination of my tragically deceased parents, my intriguing innocence and my long runner’s legs. I hate your new girlfriend. I hate her sweet pixie looks and her whimsical fashion sense. I hate the dark and sexy novel she’s writing. I hate your swinger past. Your binge eating. Your fad diets and fleeting obsessions.

And I hate that I still pant after the oh so fabulous picture you paint of your life.

I hate the moment we kissed in the rain. It felt like everything clicked into place, as if someone had turned on a light. I felt lit up inside, illuminated. I hate the day we spent on a weathered park bench, sharing secrets. I hate that you said ‘love’ too fast, too early and took it back just as quickly.

Most of all, I hate that I’m a footnote in the story of your life. A post modern novel filled with glittering, fascinating girls, sex and scandal, foursomes, foreplay, lesbians and lust. And one brief mention of the pretty little orphan girl you never really loved.

I hate that I’m a footnote for you and yet you’ve filled volumes for me.

Despite all this, all this hate, sometimes I dream of you and I wake up and I miss you like an ache. And I can’t remember which parts I loved and which parts I hate. So Hawthorne was right, it all feels the same at the bottom.

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Old 07-21-2009, 02:09 PM
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Signed, sealed, delivered. Feels good, doesn't it? Nice job...
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Old 07-21-2009, 02:14 PM
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Great description. Well written and easily felt in the depth of your expression.
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Old 07-22-2009, 02:36 AM
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A wonderful bit of verbal catharsis.
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Old 07-26-2009, 02:15 PM
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The description was great, the emotion heartfelt, tell me, was it hard to write? As in did it hurt greatly or did it simply flow?
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Old 07-26-2009, 03:16 PM
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thanks! it started as sort of a rant but it was actually soothing to edit it after
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Old 07-26-2009, 06:31 PM
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Great write. Intellectually free, emotionally bound. The conflict resounds. I feel your pain.
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Old 07-26-2009, 11:07 PM
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Enjoyed this little hateful piece. You thoroughly captivated this reader. Loved the descriptions and your ability to make me feel for the author immediately.
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Old 07-27-2009, 06:30 AM
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Flowed so well, this makes writing look easy!
I enjoyed your little rant!
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Old 08-01-2009, 07:50 AM
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Really good - best thing i've read today by far
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Old 08-01-2009, 12:13 PM
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Yeah it is pretty good, real easy to read.
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