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Old Coffee

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  #1  
Old 07-03-2017, 01:12 PM
KBR (Offline)
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Default Old Coffee


the coffee is old cold bitter
and I am cafe cornered
by the window rain

watching up and down umbrellas
stamping shuffling feet
polite and shedding wet

walking behind apron'd and dark hair up
seated now and smiling at who walked in with her
hand rubbing and menu gazing

in my corner, a jealous twinge
of the laughing eyes
and delicate finger brushing

unintentional and yet sweetly possessive
purring quietly
casual contentment two together

my coffee even colder older
bitter bottom leftovers
but she's coming pot held high

to try and warm it up
and I will let her
pour into mine new warmth

and we will meet at shifts end
clutching middle age with desperate strength
eyes fixed one another

searching for the missing
but not unhappy with the found

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Old 07-03-2017, 01:24 PM
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One of your best.
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Old 07-03-2017, 02:22 PM
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Originally Posted by Nick Pierce View Post
One of your best.

Seconded.

I've loved your last two poems Kirk

Particularly like "clutching middle age with desperate strength."
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Old 07-04-2017, 05:55 AM
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I really dig this.

the coffee is old cold bitter
and I am cafe cornered
by the window rain

watching up and down umbrellas
stamping shuffling feet
polite and shedding wet
Not sure what you call it, but there's an unconventional sentence structure and use of vocabulary in the first two stanzas that I really like, and then you seem to kind of abandon it. But no biggy.

Otherwise, it reads like a little Carver story.

Great job.
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Old 07-04-2017, 07:22 AM
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Wonderfully evocative and bittersweet poem. I've never seen coffee imagery used so well. In particular, the first verse seems to conjure up not just a scene but a lifetime.

(Also, nice to see you still going strong on here Kirk! I've recently returned to WB, remember the heady days of c.2012? I went by 'Nadja' then)

Last edited by Leila; 07-04-2017 at 07:26 AM..
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Old 07-04-2017, 04:36 PM
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Very impressive write, Kirk.

I'm not saying your usual three lined stanzas work but they don't not work, probably 'cos the lines are longer so it avoids that sharp, almost erratic pace and offers the reader more time to be an observer in the scene.


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Old 07-04-2017, 05:09 PM
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So good to see you again Nadja! I hope you drop by again. I've just started posting again recently. Thank you for the comments.

Originally Posted by Leila View Post
Wonderfully evocative and bittersweet poem. I've never seen coffee imagery used so well. In particular, the first verse seems to conjure up not just a scene but a lifetime.

(Also, nice to see you still going strong on here Kirk! I've recently returned to WB, remember the heady days of c.2012? I went by 'Nadja' then)
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Old 07-10-2017, 07:05 AM
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I need to work on getting less rigid. Thank you iDrew! I'll see what can be done. Old habits are easy to break when they no longer hold value. Thanks again.

Originally Posted by iDrew View Post
Very impressive write, Kirk.

I'm not saying your usual three lined stanzas work but they don't not work, probably 'cos the lines are longer so it avoids that sharp, almost erratic pace and offers the reader more time to be an observer in the scene.


xDrew
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Old 07-10-2017, 07:06 AM
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Thank you sir! One these happens every once in a while despite my best efforts.

Originally Posted by Nick Pierce View Post
One of your best.
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