Family Reunion

[Miki]

Marge and Joe were at odds about attending her three day family reunion. Joe liked being around Marge's strange but interesting relatives. Totally different from his quintessentially ordinary family.
"You know who's going to be there," Marge stuttered. "Aunt Rosalie."
"She's one of the reasons it will be fun. At least Aunt Rosalie lives life on her terms and doesn't kowtow to your mother every time she crooks the old finger." Joe liked Rosalie from the first time he met her. She wasn't married but always had a man on her arm. What bugged the rest of the family they could never find out if she slept with any of her guys. Joe figured at 72 she could pretty much go with the spirit.
"Easy for you to say. You don't have to suffer the embarrassment of outsiders asking if we know what she's up to now," Marge protested. It bothered Marge mainly because she had to answer "I don't know". Truth be known Marge being the tiniest bit envious of Aunt Rosalie but wouldn't admit it in a million years.

[moonpunter]

Not much there to go on. The dialogue is stilted.

[brianpatrick]

Marge protested... Marge stuttered...

Avoid speech tags whenever possible. He said, she said, works 98% of the time.

[Nick Pierce]

Originally Posted by Miki

Marge and Joe were at odds about attending her three day family reunion. Joe liked being around Marge's strange but interesting relatives. Totally different from his quintessentially ordinary family.

Do you see this as telling?

[brianpatrick]

"Brian?"

"Yes Mr. Patrick, what is it now?"

"Has Nick just made another one of his cryptic posts?"

"Nick? Dunno... is he at it again?"

"Yes, I think he might be. Always making posts with funny questions. Dithering, dathering, flitting around a direct point. I mean, who can tell who he's even talking to?"

"I think maybe you're not smart enough to understand him sometimes, Mr. P."

"Me?!?! Not smart enough?! Poppy-cock!"

"Poppy-cock?"

"What... is that not a word?"

"It was some time ago... not sure now."

[Nick Pierce]

Originally Posted by brianpatrick

"Brian?"

"Yes Mr. Patrick, what is it now?"

"Has Nick just made another one of his cryptic posts?"

"Nick? Dunno... is he at it again?"

"Yes, I think he might be. Always making posts with funny questions. Dithering, dathering, flitting around a direct point. I mean, who can tell who he's even talking to?"

"I think maybe you're not smart enough to understand him sometimes, Mr. P."

"Me?!?! Not smart enough?! Poppy-cock!"

"Poppy-cock?"

"What... is that not a word?"

"It was some time ago... not sure now."

Sometimes, when the author replies to a critter (heh) question confusion dissipates.

Sometimes not.




On an entirely unrelated subject I am considering selling industrial size tubes of super glue to airline travelers who are intent on getting from point A to point B without any drag time.

Makes "Flying by the seat of your pants" a Power to the People slogan, don't you agree?

[moonpunter]

"Yes, I think he might be. Always making posts with funny questions.

Wasn't really anything funny about it. 😛

[Nick Pierce]

Originally Posted by Nick

Sometimes, when the author replies to a critter (heh) question confusion dissipates.

Miki, are you interested in developing this piece?

[Miki]

Thanks Nick, yes, I will be continuing with this piece, just taking a bit more time to develop it. miki

[IanG]

I don't agree that we should be writing 'said' most of the time. The English language is noted for its rich vocabulary so let's make use of it. Some will critisise you for repeating words too much and you won't please everyone.

'what bugged the rest of the family that...' insert 'was' after 'family.'

'Marge being'... shouldn't there be a 'was' after Marge?

I hope this helps.

[Myers]

Originally Posted by IanG

I don't agree that we should be writing 'said' most of the time. The English language is noted for its rich vocabulary so let's make use of it. Some will critisise you for repeating words too much and you won't please everyone.

"I disagree," he expostulated.

I seriously doubt anyone would criticize you for repeating "said."

If the dialog is good, and you've set the scene properly, there's seldom any need to use anything but "said." Exceptions could be when it's about how the speaking voice is modulated -- such as "whispered," "shouted," "muttered" etc.

The thing is, "said" is practically invisible, but it does the job just fine. Shouldn't the dialog itself tell you that Marge protested without you having to spell it out? If it doesn't, there's a problem.

There are plenty of opportunities to take advantage of the richness of the English language. Forcing some substitute for "said" is rarely one of them -- unless you want your writing to come across as dated and amateurish.

[Myers]

Originally Posted by Nick Pierce

Do you see this as telling?

I see it as telling -- which I think is just fine in the right amounts. It seems to work particularly well in humor, and stories that have a fable-like feel or theme, for some reason. Maybe because those kind of stories are "told?"

It's hard to tell here because there isn't enough to see if there's a good balance. But sometimes it's better just to cut to the chase -- in this case it functions as backstory, more or less -- so I think it works.