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Life's a rollercoaster.

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  #1  
Old 04-22-2014, 02:47 PM
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Default Life's a rollercoaster.


Isn't it just!

I hope that you are all well. I would like to write a few words and hope that you understand.

For those who don't remember me, I've published prose and poetry for a while on the site. I had just self-published a second novel on Kindle at the tail end of last year and then I hit one of my massive downturns into depression.

Since then, I have not written. I have not even looked at my sales or my blog. I have scarcely moved from the house except for food. In essence, I had shut down completely.

I don't remember this period much at all. When I logged in today, I found that I had erased all of my personal messages at some point. I dimly recall asking the administrators to rescind my membership, though that could be a figment of my imagination.

Right now I feel like a butterfly emerging from a chrysalis: delicate, defenceless and unable to fly. It is not pleasant. I am wary about writing this but feel that I ought to.

I do not know what made me delete my PMs but it is something I do when running scared. I could have been concerned that I had offended somebody and if that is the case, then I apologise, but I truly don't know: often, at times like that, I act from pure paranoia.

This will make no sense to anybody who has not been depressed but I hope that you understand. I am recovering from the crash and hope to continue with the trilogy that I was completing some months ago.

I would like to participate in the site again but I am wary to attempt to do so.

Plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose, n'est ce pas?

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Old 04-22-2014, 03:05 PM
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I remember you, CL. Sorry you've had a rough time. If you're ready to get back in the writing saddle, this is as good a place as any to do it. Welcome back!
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Old 04-22-2014, 03:12 PM
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Originally Posted by JoeMatt View Post
I remember you, CL. Sorry you've had a rough time. If you're ready to get back in the writing saddle, this is as good a place as any to do it. Welcome back!
Thanks mate. Even one reply like that makes me think it was worth risking the post.
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Old 04-22-2014, 03:21 PM
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I've a had a pretty tough year or so myself -- lost both my folks and about six weeks ago my sister, who I'm very close to, was hit by a car crossing the road and was seriously injured. She's going to have a very long and difficult recovery.

So I haven't been doing much writing either. I have a completed novel that needs a rewrite and an edit and I haven't looked at it in almost a year. I haven't written much in the way of short stories or poems either. I'm just now sitting down to write again and finding it a little difficult. I can't appreciate your situation entirely -- but I can certainly sympathize.
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Old 04-22-2014, 04:23 PM
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Originally Posted by JoeMatt View Post
I've a had a pretty tough year or so myself -- lost both my folks and about six weeks ago my sister, who I'm very close to, was hit by a car crossing the road and was seriously injured. She's going to have a very long and difficult recovery.

So I haven't been doing much writing either. I have a completed novel that needs a rewrite and an edit and I haven't looked at it in almost a year. I haven't written much in the way of short stories or poems either. I'm just now sitting down to write again and finding it a little difficult. I can't appreciate your situation entirely -- but I can certainly sympathize.
Hey Joe...and that's not a reference to Jimi Hendrix, though I like the song...Yeah, when times are tough, you feel all alone and don't talk to people. That only makes you worse. It's good that you've been so honest and I hope it works out as well as it can for you and your sister.

I'll do my best to start writing again and part of it will be with you in mind.


Thanks again.
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Old 04-22-2014, 05:39 PM
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Hey, CL, I don't think I know you as I've only recently returned from an extended hiatus, but life is indeed a roller coaster and I'm glad you're recovering. Returning to old pastimes and things you love is an important part of the healing process--so welcome back.
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Old 04-23-2014, 12:03 PM
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Default So it's not just me?

I just sat down and read your recent reflections on how your life's been going. I guess in a sense life is kind of like a rollercoaster.

I'm setting here feeling depressed having just received yet another rejection, something that you'd think after doing this for forty-five years I would be used to. I guess some things never get any easier.

I can remember writing little short stories, what they call flash fiction today, back in 1968 as a way of avoiding my Dad who had just gotten back from Vietnam via Walter Reed Medical Center. They could pull the shrapnel out of his leg but they couldn't fix the real pain that came from his mind, but that's a different story for another day.

Throughout high school I would send short stories in to Ellery Queen, Amazing and other magazines of the day I thought might be interested. Maybe it would have made a difference if they knew I was only 14, 15 or 16 at the time, but I guess it doesn't matter now.

Joined the Army right out of high school, which is what kids in my socioeconomic status did back then. It was either that or work in the chicken factory and while it almost sounded right, plucking chicks was not what I had in mind at 18.

After several years of night school, I started writing technical manuals of all sorts for the Army and later as a civilian I wrote for the Department of Defense (yes, we spell it differently in the States) but of course there's no byline or acknowledgement in civil service and after all, that's really why we do this.

They medically retired me a few years ago. Now I simply sit here day after day as my body continues to weaken while my misguided immune system continues to attack what's left of my healthy organs. Time after time I send in stories. Good stories. Ones that friends and family encourage me to send, only to be rejected or even completely ignored time and again. All I want is the satisfaction of knowing that somewhere out there, sometime in the future when I'm no longer here, someone will pick up one of my stories and have themselves a good read.

I'm sorry CumbrianLad, I truly did not mean to rain on your parade. I just started feeling a little sorry for myself. I guess when you're dealing with a bunch of egotistical writers, as we all are, you got to expect someone's going to get a bit long winded. I wish you all the best finding your way back my friend.
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Old 04-23-2014, 01:01 PM
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Originally Posted by Cecil View Post
Time after time I send in stories. Good stories. Ones that friends and family encourage me to send, only to be rejected or even completely ignored time and again.
Have you had anyone besides friends and family read them? They may indeed be good stories -- but there might be a reason your stories aren't getting published -- something that could be identified if you showed them to readers who might be less biased.
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Old 04-23-2014, 01:21 PM
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Hi CL, I remember you.

Sorry you've not had a good time of late. I don't think you're alone. Most of us go through dark periods now and then. The important thing is that was then and this is now.

Don't try to fly too soon. Just sit on a branch and enjoy the warmth of the sun on your wings for a while.

It's nice to see you back.
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Old 04-23-2014, 01:32 PM
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Whilst I do not understand your issues I have witnessed them in my husband. I now call his worst period his Rip Van Winkle phase (He went to bed and grew his hair and beard).

I am glad you are coming out of your chrysalis and hope to read some more of your work.
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Old 04-23-2014, 01:50 PM
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Originally Posted by JoeMatt View Post
Have you had anyone besides friends and family read them? They may indeed be good stories -- but there might be a reason your stories aren't getting published -- something that could be identified if you showed them to readers who might be less biased.
I have posted on other writer's websites to generally favorable, sometimes necessarily critical reviews. The only thing I've posted to this particular site is the development of one of five characters I've created for that all allusive novel I've been tinkering with for the past several months. It's called "Tick tock" if you're interested in seeing my writing style. No one's commented on it for awhile so I think it's all the way back to page three.
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Old 04-23-2014, 09:29 PM
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Good to see you back, CumbrianLad.
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Old 04-24-2014, 04:55 PM
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How could we have forgotten CumbrianLad?
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Old 04-28-2014, 03:05 AM
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Originally Posted by Night Wanderer View Post
Hey, CL, I don't think I know you as I've only recently returned from an extended hiatus, but life is indeed a roller coaster and I'm glad you're recovering. Returning to old pastimes and things you love is an important part of the healing process--so welcome back.
True. We haven't (electronically) met, so I'm pleased to know you!
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Old 04-28-2014, 03:12 AM
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Originally Posted by Cecil View Post
I just sat down and read your recent reflections on how your life's been going. I guess in a sense life is kind of like a rollercoaster.

I'm setting here feeling depressed having just received yet another rejection, something that you'd think after doing this for forty-five years I would be used to. I guess some things never get any easier.

I can remember writing little short stories, what they call flash fiction today, back in 1968 as a way of avoiding my Dad who had just gotten back from Vietnam via Walter Reed Medical Center. They could pull the shrapnel out of his leg but they couldn't fix the real pain that came from his mind, but that's a different story for another day.

Throughout high school I would send short stories in to Ellery Queen, Amazing and other magazines of the day I thought might be interested. Maybe it would have made a difference if they knew I was only 14, 15 or 16 at the time, but I guess it doesn't matter now.

Joined the Army right out of high school, which is what kids in my socioeconomic status did back then. It was either that or work in the chicken factory and while it almost sounded right, plucking chicks was not what I had in mind at 18.

After several years of night school, I started writing technical manuals of all sorts for the Army and later as a civilian I wrote for the Department of Defense (yes, we spell it differently in the States) but of course there's no byline or acknowledgement in civil service and after all, that's really why we do this.

They medically retired me a few years ago. Now I simply sit here day after day as my body continues to weaken while my misguided immune system continues to attack what's left of my healthy organs. Time after time I send in stories. Good stories. Ones that friends and family encourage me to send, only to be rejected or even completely ignored time and again. All I want is the satisfaction of knowing that somewhere out there, sometime in the future when I'm no longer here, someone will pick up one of my stories and have themselves a good read.

I'm sorry CumbrianLad, I truly did not mean to rain on your parade. I just started feeling a little sorry for myself. I guess when you're dealing with a bunch of egotistical writers, as we all are, you got to expect someone's going to get a bit long winded. I wish you all the best finding your way back my friend.
No worries. It's no parade and I like rain, anyway!

I'll see if you've posted any of your work and give it a read. Like you, I believe my own work has merit and have been given some good reviews...the sales don't get going, though. I've read best sellers that are poorly written, error-strewn and have a plot that a 4 year old could anticipate...where are we going wrong?

The feeling is mutual...I hope that you find the success you deserve, too.
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Old 04-28-2014, 03:29 AM
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Originally Posted by Redlorry View Post
Hi CL, I remember you.

Sorry you've not had a good time of late. I don't think you're alone. Most of us go through dark periods now and then. The important thing is that was then and this is now.

Don't try to fly too soon. Just sit on a branch and enjoy the warmth of the sun on your wings for a while.

It's nice to see you back.
I like the avian reference. I've been watching a drama unfolding outside my house recently. My old resident blackbird died after having my house (among others) as his territory. He was at least seven years old.

The pretenders to the throne fought for the piece of prime real estate by singing. It reminded me of 8 Mile, with Eminem. Each male bird sang and the others had to respond with more complex and ingenious compositions. One by one, they were defeated until the new boy had his kingdom. I wish humans settled things that way. He is perched on top of my chimney as I write, his dulcet tones ringing loud and sweet from the fireplace.

At the moment I'm less like him and more like the fledgeling Blue Tit I rescued from the road the other day. It was sitting fast asleep in the sun at the edge of the tarmac. I picked it up, thinking it was injured and it stirred and looked innocently up at me. It only flew from my hand into a hedge after my daughter stroked it. No more than thirty seconds after I lifted it, a car ran over the very spot it had been sitting on.

And the moral of the story? Well, however weak and vulnerable you may be, however the odds seem to be stacked against you, there is always the chance that you will get a helping hand...after that, it's up to you to make the most of it!

That's enough talking. Let's sing!
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Old 04-28-2014, 08:37 AM
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Welcome back. I remember you well.

I can't imagine you ever offended or upset anyone, you're too nice a guy for that.
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Old 05-01-2014, 01:03 PM
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Welcome back.

I am a new member, but I am thrilled to have the opportunity to reintroduce you to the community. Hopefully, you will have an even fuller experience on the site after the hiatus.

Thanks for sharing your publishing journey with me. I am also trying to be published and every story I hear brings me closer to my goals.

I was into Freelance Technical writing for a while, I even have a blog, but my goal is too pursue a career in Literary fiction and Criticism.

Again, Glad to have you back.
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