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  #1  
Old 03-12-2011, 04:06 AM
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So I'm watching these two butterflies
not big ones, like Monarchs
these ones are quarter size, yellow, and they're dancin' through the air
in a tango, kung fu, copulatin' kinda way

The longer I watch, the less I remember being tied to earth by thoughts of
rising gas prices
widowed mother
looming nuclear war
imminent terrorist attack
terminated tumescence
next years drought
and such

Up, down, circling, colliding, caressing-
all the while being drifted about by the breeze
over the grass, over the asphalt

Then a car comes by and WHAM!
they're gone,
off for the ride of their life on a Hyundai bumper


But for a moment I was no longer a man
I was a third butterfly, invisible and free

Now I stand here, molted by a machine
hoping it was good for them
It was good for me

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  #2  
Old 03-12-2011, 04:20 AM
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Someone's probably gonna come along and tell you that this isn't poetry, Nick.

'But for a moment I was no longer a man/I was a third butterfly, invisible and free'. Rather unexpected change in these lines from the colloquial tone of the rest. Works quite nicely though.

What does 'tumescence' mean?

Last edited by Nadja; 03-12-2011 at 04:31 AM..
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  #3  
Old 03-12-2011, 04:43 AM
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Originally Posted by Nick Pierce View Post
So I'm watching these two butterflies
not big ones, like Monarchs
these ones are quarter size, yellow, and they're dancin' through the air
in a tango, kung fu, copulatin' kinda way

The longer I watch, the less I remember being tied to earth by thoughts of
rising gas prices
widowed mother
looming nuclear war
imminent terrorist attack
terminated tumescence
next years drought
and such

Up, down, circling, colliding, caressing-
all the while being drifted about by the breeze
over the grass, over the asphalt

Then a car comes by and WHAM!
they're gone,
off for the ride of their life on a Hyundai bumper


But for a moment I was no longer a man
I was a third butterfly, invisible and free

Now I stand here, molted by a machine
hoping it was good for them
It was good for me
Originally Posted by Nadja View Post
Someone's probably gonna come along and tell you that this isn't poetry, Nick.

'But for a moment I was no longer a man/I was a third butterfly, invisible and free'. Rather unexpected change in these lines from the colloquial tone of the rest. Works quite nicely though.

What does 'tumescence' mean?
And a definition of poetry would not include free verse?
Could the 'unexpected change' part be some of where the metaphor is presented?
Not feeling up to explaining tumescence. Suggest you google while I giggle.

Thanks for commenting, Nadja.
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Old 03-12-2011, 05:05 AM
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Yeah, should have googled in the first place. I just felt in need of someone to talk to, lol.
And I know about free verse. I was just remembering some comments passed on an earlier work of yours..shouldn't have mentioned it here though.
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  #5  
Old 03-12-2011, 05:26 AM
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Originally Posted by Nadja View Post
Yeah, should have googled in the first place. I just felt in need of someone to talk to, lol.
And I know about free verse. I was just remembering some comments passed on an earlier work of yours..shouldn't have mentioned it here though.
No problem.
About not googling. Gave me a chance to make a pun. I like that.
No problem.
About wanting to talk. Wife chattering on my left, parakeets chirping madly on my right. In between, I write- with you.
No problem.
About poetry definitions. I like showing free verse (if indeed that is what I've done) and your reference to the poetry po-po (American slang for Police) is fine here, Nadja.


You just keep commenting, girl.
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Old 03-18-2011, 09:27 AM
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I love how simple this is, no mindfreak, no mask, no digging to see the real meaning. Love it love it love it. Simplicity is key
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  #7  
Old 03-18-2011, 10:09 AM
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Originally Posted by Ayso View Post
I love how simple this is, no mindfreak, no mask, no digging to see the real meaning. Love it love it love it. Simplicity is key
Sometimes I get lucky.
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  #8  
Old 04-01-2011, 02:57 PM
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Very whimsical. I liked it Nick.
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  #9  
Old 04-01-2011, 05:05 PM
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Originally Posted by KBR View Post
Very whimsical. I liked it Nick.
I blame Chuang Tzu in part for this poem's inspiration. And I can no longer see a butterfly without remembering it.
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Old 04-01-2011, 07:45 PM
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I liked this--the speaker's musings are brought to a screeching halt to the shady lot of reality in the form of a honda.
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  #11  
Old 04-02-2011, 03:09 AM
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Originally Posted by brightnelly View Post
I liked this--the speaker's musings are brought to a screeching halt to the shady lot of reality in the form of a honda.
Is not Hyundai a Korean made car while Honda is Japanese?
I could be wrong.
I can still learn.
I await erudition.
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Old 04-02-2011, 05:55 AM
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Originally Posted by Nick Pierce View Post
Is not Hyundai a Korean made car while Honda is Japanese?
I could be wrong.
I can still learn.
I await erudition.
Oops, sorry, that was a typo. I meant to write Hyundai but I was thinking Honda.
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  #13  
Old 04-02-2011, 07:37 PM
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it's as floaty as it's subject matter, but with the necessary darkness to keep it at least a bit grounded. A good depiction of a momentary escape from the hard realities of life.
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Old 04-03-2011, 02:32 PM
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I never read Chuang Tzu, but I read the Tao Teh Ching as translated by Lin Yutang in "The Wisdom of China and India" every day for two years from 14 to 16. It profoundly influenced me. And I will never think of water in the same way.

Originally Posted by Nick Pierce View Post
I blame Chuang Tzu in part for this poem's inspiration. And I can no longer see a butterfly without remembering it.
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  #15  
Old 04-03-2011, 02:54 PM
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Originally Posted by KBR View Post
I never read Chuang Tzu
In response I suggest you google 'Zhuangzi'.
The 'Butterfly Dream' I allude to by referring to Chuang Tzu is there.
However, I am more drawn to the section headed 'Zhuangzi's philosophy'.
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Old 04-04-2011, 12:23 AM
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This is a very enjoyable poem. It freely pops off the page. I write poems but not like this. Really nice.
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  #17  
Old 03-03-2017, 07:39 PM
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Nick, why repost this now?

I like it.
When I see a butterfly, alone, I think of how it could have been me. And I remember this poem.

And I shy away from looking at automobile fronts closely.

And that's the truth.


Okay, Nick.
Relax.
It was simply a question.


Oh, it ain't the question got me stirred, Pierce.
It's what happened to them poor, innocent butterflies that were in the midst of a natural dalliance.

The senseless carnage!
Man's indifference to...

Nick -
try to calm yourself.


Thanks, Pierce.
You are correct.

And the butterflies would want it this way.

Hey, did that slap leave a red mark?


Difficult to say, Nick.
Your whiskers felt rather soft, though,
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Old 03-05-2017, 06:55 PM
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He-seus! I thought some people had just come back from the dead, but a re-post!

Nice poem though. I was thinking of butterflies today, how we "change", how events can change us. But even still, how this change is not unique to ourselves - everyone goes through it.

I remember when I was a kid I was watching a news program in black and white and in a different language. On the screen there was a woman being arrested, but she did not look like a woman who I would have thought could commit a crime that would warrant arrest. Shows how much I knew.
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  #19  
Old 07-17-2018, 02:17 PM
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Originally Posted by Nick Pierce View Post
So I'm watching these two butterflies
not big ones, like Monarchs
these ones are quarter size, yellow, and they're dancin' through the air
in a tango, kung fu, copulatin' kinda way

The longer I watch, the less I remember being tied to earth by thoughts of
rising gas prices
widowed mother
looming nuclear war
imminent terrorist attack
terminated tumescence
next years drought
and such

Up, down, circling, colliding, caressing-
all the while being drifted about by the breeze
over the grass, over the asphalt

Then a car comes by and WHAM!
they're gone,
off for the ride of their life on a Hyundai bumper


But for a moment I was no longer a man
I was a third butterfly, invisible and free

Now I stand here, molted by a machine
hoping it was good for them
It was good for me


molted by a machine

Man, I wish I could write like that.
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  #20  
Old 07-19-2018, 09:49 PM
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Originally Posted by Nick Pierce View Post
molted by a machine

Man, I wish I could write like that.
Look deep within yourself...

You probably could.
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Mr. Ed said I should use his signature, since he's not anymore. In honor of his good friend Nok, here it is: "As far as smoking a cigar," she said, "I'd not know where to start or how to start." "It's simple," said I, "You light one end and chew on the other and hope to meet in the middle."
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Old 07-20-2018, 02:34 PM
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Fourth, maybe fifth read now.

This really is a beautiful piece.
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Old 07-21-2018, 03:41 AM
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[QUOTE=Prodigalson

Look deep within yourself...

[/QUOTE]


Every time I do that it ends with me seein' the ground I'm standing on.
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Old 07-21-2018, 03:48 AM
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Originally Posted by Grace Gabriel View Post
Fourth, maybe fifth read now.

This really is a beautiful piece.
I wish I could spend more time with the guy who wrote this but he ain't around much these days.

So I content myself with reading and rereading his stuff.
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Old 07-21-2018, 10:38 AM
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From the man who has no room to talk - isn't it about time you thought about publishing?
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Mr. Ed said I should use his signature, since he's not anymore. In honor of his good friend Nok, here it is: "As far as smoking a cigar," she said, "I'd not know where to start or how to start." "It's simple," said I, "You light one end and chew on the other and hope to meet in the middle."
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  #25  
Old 07-22-2018, 05:06 AM
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Originally Posted by Prodigalson View Post
From the man who has no room to talk - isn't it about time you thought about publishing?
All the $ that isn't spent on maintaining my lavish lifestyle is husbanded by my wife in anticipation of our move to the jungle.

So, short of me meetin' a tech guy that wants to trade paper perforatin' crits for liftin' my stuff from here onto a cloneable memory stick that I would then offer via the mail (after the m.o. is received, of course) my stuff will be viewable a piece at a time (some new/most old) here.

Ehhh, waddya gonna do?
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Old 07-29-2018, 06:54 AM
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I never read Chuang Tzu because I loved the distilled down 5000 words only Tao Teh Ching. I loved the paradoxical logic that is so alien to the west but felt so native to my own mind. From 14 to 16, I had an explosion of understanding. Spent all my time wandering around an Air Force base in remote Northern Japan thinking about the things I read. I'm getting older now trying to accept that so many people including myself are understanding bullet proof. We can't advance as a race because we bow into the earth and bear with us all that has been accumulated. Of books, there is no end, but real knowledge is as scarce as ever it was from spoken only to the instant on everything known of today.
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