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  #1  
Old 01-15-2007, 04:51 PM
gary_wagner
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To many a fellow man,
the word holds no confusion
but the man who questions all,
himself more than anything,
is truly perplexed by this concept called
normal.

It is a mountain he seeks to climb
if only he could find it,
an ocean he would cross
if he knew how to swim,
what he would be
if he knew what it was.

The most important label
he sought as a child;
called many a cruel name
but never normal.

The definition is right there
in black and white
in that book of inherent knowledge
but printed in a language
he doesnít understand.

He no longer asks the question
people donít understand,
no longer admits confusion
to what he is supposed to know.

He adapts, he mimics, he pretends;
a reflection in a mirror
showing people what they want to see.

He doesnít understand
and all refuse to tell him what it is
but they willingly point out
what it is not.

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  #2  
Old 01-16-2007, 12:17 AM
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riverstone (Offline)
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Hi Gary
My first thought is that the first verse isn't really necessary. We see who the man is throughout the poem. And in this verse -

He no longer asks the question
people donít understand,
no longer admits confusion
to what he is supposed to know.

maybe change the word "people" to "they"

Last verse maybe:

He doesnít understand
what all refuse to tell him
but they willingly point out
what it is not.

All imho of course

Nice exploration of manhood and its link to adolescence.
Kit
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Old 01-16-2007, 07:39 AM
gary_wagner
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Thanks, Riverstone. I like your suggestions and the result is below.

This elusive word
is a mountain he seeks to climb
if only he could find it,
an ocean he would cross
if he knew how to swim,
what he would be
if he knew what it was.

The most important label
he sought as a child;
called many a cruel name
but never normal.

The definition is right there
in black and white
in that book of inherent knowledge
but printed in a language
he doesn’t understand.

He no longer asks the question
they don’t understand,
no longer admits confusion
to what he is supposed to know.

He adapts, he mimics, he pretends,
a reflection in a mirror
showing them what they want to see.

He doesn’t understand
what all refuse to tell him
but they willingly point out
what it is not.

Last edited by gary_wagner; 01-16-2007 at 12:12 PM..
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  #4  
Old 01-16-2007, 08:22 AM
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riverstone (Offline)
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Nice Gary. You may want to change that last "people" to "them" to match the rest of the poem now. It has become a very serious and weighty statement.
Kit
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If I did not tell you all the changes you might consider, I would be doing you a disservice, treating you with less than the full respect you deserve. This much I have learned from my years teaching and mentoring writers.

Riverstones let the water flow around them.


Last edited by riverstone; 01-16-2007 at 04:52 PM..
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  #5  
Old 01-16-2007, 12:13 PM
gary_wagner
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Thanks again. Changed people to them.
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