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  #1  
Old 08-05-2018, 03:27 AM
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I was appalled when I read this:



You must be a queer person of colour/Indigenous/Aboriginal* to submit to Anathema.

It's a travesty! Not only did the publisher of the magazine mispell "color", but they are apparently accepting submissions from both right and lefthanded queer people of color!


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Old 08-05-2018, 05:20 AM
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Probably funnier if you don't tell people it's a joke ahead of time.
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Old 08-05-2018, 06:33 AM
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I see nothing wrong with a magazine knowing what kind of content it wants. Maybe their needs are a reflection of their readership, or perhaps they are just interested in a certain perspective.

Where's the travesty in that?

Also, in Canada and I believe also the UK, color is correctly spelled "colour". Where is this publisher located?
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Old 08-05-2018, 08:29 AM
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The spelling of the word colour is the correct English spelling and therefore I could no consider it a mispelling.
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Old 08-05-2018, 08:45 AM
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On second thought, maybe you do need to tell people it's a joke ahead of time, and possibly again at the end and maybe even in the middle of it; just to cover your bases.

Last edited by E. Zamora; 08-05-2018 at 08:51 AM..
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Old 08-05-2018, 12:21 PM
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By the way, speaking of different spellings of words, there is a feature in word which allows you to spellcheck for UK or Australian English (I've used this to change my painfully obtuse American spelling of words like colour to UK English for UK readership). it is the coolest thing!

Konan, Nacia—when I say it's a joke, don't take any of it seriously. I was not appalled and they can publish anybody they want to—the publisher is the buyer and I am the seller. If they don't want my business, that's their business.
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Old 08-05-2018, 12:45 PM
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Originally Posted by jimr View Post
By the way, speaking of different spellings of words, there is a feature in word which allows you to spellcheck for UK or Australian English (I've used this to change my painfully obtuse American spelling of words like colour to UK English for UK readership). it is the coolest thing!

Konan, Nacia—when I say it's a joke, don't take any of it seriously. I was not appalled and they can publish anybody they want to—the publisher is the buyer and I am the seller. If they don't want my business, that's their business.


I say you make it your mission to get published in this mag... just for fun.

Okay... you’re going to need a name...
Let’s see...

Is your real name Jim? Hmm...

James Cock

Mashoga

Black Dick

Chupar La Polla Negra.

Those should do; maybe others can make suggestions.

Then you need a story. That should be pretty easy to write. Here’s a story synopsis:

Black guy in oklahoma, gets mixed up in the hip-hop culture, gets gun, sells drugs, falls in love with his brother-in-law who’s a real gangsta, kills some people to impress said brother-in-law, goes to prison (where sodomy is both prevalent and welcomed by our MC; though he can’t ever say so), gets out of incarceration only to find his brother-in law a widower (because of some fucked-up shit he pulls as a gangsta), and they 69 into a happily ever after.

That should do it.

Any improvements to my ideas welcome.
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Old 08-05-2018, 12:48 PM
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I got your joke. Acknowledge me, motherfucker.
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Old 08-05-2018, 12:57 PM
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Yes, you are a great joke-getter, E. Zamora. Nobody gets a joke like you.

Brian Patrick, what are you smoking?
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Old 08-05-2018, 12:58 PM
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That's more like it.
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Old 08-05-2018, 12:59 PM
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Originally Posted by jimr View Post
Yes, you are a great joke-getter, E. Zamora. Nobody gets a joke like you.

Brian Patrick, what are you smoking?


I’m stone-cold sober these days.
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Old 08-05-2018, 01:02 PM
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Come on Jimmer, let’s have some fun!
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Old 08-05-2018, 01:03 PM
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Anyhoo, a horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"
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Old 08-05-2018, 01:19 PM
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Two ninjas walk into a bar.
A third one ducks.
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Old 08-05-2018, 01:38 PM
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A limbo champion walks into a bar.

He's disqualified.
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Old 08-05-2018, 01:40 PM
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A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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Old 08-05-2018, 02:03 PM
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An Irishman walks into a bar.

An hour later he walks out.
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Old 08-05-2018, 02:05 PM
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I write white supremacist fiction. It's not what would think; it's all good natured and focuses on the daily trials and foibles of people who hate the blacks and Jews etc. Having a hard time finding pubs, so any suggestions would be appreciated.
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Old 08-05-2018, 02:27 PM
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Originally Posted by E. Zamora View Post
A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "Is this some kind of joke?"


A priest, a rabbi, and a black guy walk into a bar

The bartender says: “get the fuck outta here!”
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  #20  
Old 08-05-2018, 02:33 PM
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Originally Posted by E. Zamora View Post
Probably funnier if you don't tell people it's a joke ahead of time.
No... anymore, you have to headline that it's joke, or someone will be writing their Congressman in three seconds flat.
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Old 08-05-2018, 02:34 PM
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Originally Posted by Nacia View Post
The spelling of the word colour is the correct English spelling and therefore I could no consider it a mispelling.
Why can't you just speak the language the way we invented it?
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  #22  
Old 08-05-2018, 02:39 PM
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Originally Posted by spshane View Post
No... anymore, you have to headline that it's joke, or someone will be writing their Congressman in three seconds flat.
My point, Ace.
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  #23  
Old 08-05-2018, 11:28 PM
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This one's even better from Arkbound magazine:

Available both online and in hard copy, the magazine can be purchased from approved vendors as well as from selected venues for just £1.60. As part of our distribution model, we allow unemployed and homeless people to acquire the magazine at (or less than) half price – thereby allowing them to make an income.

I mean, I know that's what they put on their grant application, but c'mon. Are you laughing too?
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Old 08-08-2018, 04:15 PM
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Originally Posted by Nick Pierce View Post
An Irishman walks into a bar.

An hour later he walks out.

Where do the Irish go on vacation?


To another bar!
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Old 08-09-2018, 02:50 AM
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Two cannibals are eating some leftover clown soup.

One looks at the other and asks "Does this taste funny to you?".
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