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BBC Radio News Report

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  #1  
Old 08-16-2010, 03:05 PM
Redlorry
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Default BBC Radio News Report


I listen to the damn things everyday. Please help (Brits especial) me make this paragraph sound like a radio news report.

It's late, I'm tired and the words won't work <sob>

“Breaking news. A man has been found dead in his home in Maidstone this morning, after what police believe to be a deliberate arson attack. Mr Peter Fletcher, was pronounced dead at the scene after suffering severe burns and smoke inhalation. A police spokesman has said they believe the attack was prompted by revenge.
Earlier this year Mr Fletcher, fifty-one was found guilty of impersonating a plastic surgeon; with the intent of operating on clients without any medical knowledge or skills. His one victim, Miss Jennifer Daniels of Toxeth, Merseyside has not been seen by anyone in her hometown for two days.

Police are now searching for Miss Daniels. Residents in Mr Fletchers street reported seeing a red, Volks Wagon Polo, like Miss Daniel's parked outside his house yesterday afternoon.

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Old 08-16-2010, 03:51 PM
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It does sound like a radio report, no worries there, but there seem to be three different strands, and I'm wondering if we'd get all that info in one go. Usually if it is a breaking news story the people are not named. It's usually 'A man has been found dead in his home in Maidstone tonight. Police suspect foul play' etc. Perhaps it would be easier to spread the info. over more than one bulletin or maybe local newspaper headlines e.g.

Man found dead in suspected arson attack.
A man was found in the early hours of yesterday morning in his maidstone home... etc.

Arson victim was fake plastic surgeon:
A man who died in a suspected arson attack on his Maidstone home on Monday morning has been identified as Peter Fletcher, who was convicted in 2010 of impersonating a plastic surgeon.

Finally:

'Plastic Surgeon' suspected in disappearance of young woman...
Jennifer Daniels, 21, was reported missing after blah blah

I don't know how that would tie in with yr story, failing that, I'd do it kinda like this:

'And that was Billy Joel with Uptown Girl. Now the News at One:

A man identified as Peter Fletcher was found dead at his home in Maidstone this morning after a suspected arson attack. Mr Fletcher 51 was convicted last year of fraud and bodily harm after he advertised his services as a plastic surgeon. Fletcher is a suspect in the disappearance of Jennifer Daniels, 21, of Merseyside, who, it is alleged, engaged him as her plastic surgeon. Miss Daniels has not been seen since .... but witnesses report that her car was parked at Mr Fletchers the day before arson attack... Kent and Sussex Police released this statement...

Hope that helps, hon. Keep your chin up.
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Old 08-16-2010, 04:39 PM
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I feel really stupid. I was just about to say "No offense, but this real-life report would make for an awesome novel,"..... and then I realized what this thread really is. -_-
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Old 08-16-2010, 11:45 PM
Redlorry
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Thanks Syntax

And Reddy...<shakes head> lmao!
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Old 08-18-2010, 05:15 AM
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The one thing I will say is to delete the word 'deliberate' in front of arson attack. Arson is deliberate, so it's redundant! Also, I would say Mr. Fletcher's age the first time you mention him as being dead.

Sounds interesting!
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Old 08-19-2010, 04:02 PM
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Here's my take:

Originally Posted by Redlorry View Post
This is BBC News at 6 O'clock. The headlines:A man was been found dead in his home in Maidstone this morning, after what police believe to be a deliberate arson attack. Mr Peter Fletcher, was pronounced dead at the scene after suffering from severe burns and smoke inhalation. A police spokesman has said they believe it was a revenge-fuelled attack.
(Other Healines)
A man was been found dead in his home in Maidstone this morning, earlier this year Mr Fletcher, fifty-one, was found guilty of impersonating a plastic surgeon; with the intent to operate on patients without any medical knowledge or skills. His one victim, Miss Jennifer Daniels of Toxeth, Merseyside has not been seen by anyone in her hometown for forty-eight hours.

Police are now searching for Miss Daniels. Residents in Mr Fletcher's street reported seeing a red, Volks Wagon Polo, similar to the one driven by Miss Daniel's parked outside his house yesterday afternoon.
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Old 08-20-2010, 12:01 AM
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Thanks EC, I've shared the story this is for in the members forum so you can see it in context (if you want). It's called Broken
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