Trevor woke up sad and angry. Trying to think why just made everything feel worse. So he reached for his phone on the bedside table and checked his messages. There were only a handful of them there and no texts at all.
He remembered all at once that Kerstin would not be calling or texting anymore. There had been that quiet but very nasty electronic exchange in the small hours last night and Trevor knew it was over.
He walked into the kitchen and turned on the TV. It was clear after a few moments that there was no good news and each commercial opened an open wound of longing for things he didnít want.
As he waited for his freshly brewed one cup of coffee, his mind wondered back to Kerstin. What was it that they argued about? He struggled to piece the fight together. But no matter how he tried he couldnít put his finger on what it was about.
He thought about calling her but really didnít want to do that. Hearing her voice after snippy texting seemed much more intimate than he wanted to be with her.at that moment. In fact, much to his surprise he didnít want to talk to her at all. After all they had only been physically present with each other a few times. All the rest of their relationship had been through some kind of device.
When the communication was friendly this kind of connection seemed just fine and frankly uncomplicated. Trevor liked her point-of-view. It made him look at things in a slightly different way. It was very attractive to him. But fighting was not.
Was every relationship like this, he wondered.
He had not had many. Too busy. Too much trouble. He had no time for this crap. He sat fuming as much or more than his coffee.
He searched for a sense of loss but found nothing. This bothered him a lot. No feeling felt like a short coming in him. But he hadnít done anything and this was not even a real relationship. But still.
Trevor was angry a lot and sad most of the time. But he saw nothing that would change that and could think of nothing to do to makes things better Ė whatever that meant.
But he had to work Ė he had bills and things he wanted to do. Even though he couldnít think of what they might be at the moment.
He put the cup in the sink, got dressed and went to work.