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Contest | Poetry | Humor (July 2008)

 
 
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  #1  
Old 07-01-2008, 09:11 AM
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Default Contest | Poetry | Humor (July 2008)


For this month's poetry contest, all we ask is that you make us laugh. Some of us are need of a good chuckle, so unless you want to be responsible for our depressive states, come up with something good.

The contest closes on July 22nd at 11:59 EST. The contest will be declared null and void if there are one or fewer entries.

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Last edited by Icarus; 07-01-2008 at 10:02 AM..
  #2  
Old 07-01-2008, 10:42 PM
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-Please remove-

Last edited by SW; 07-01-2008 at 10:45 PM..
  #3  
Old 07-01-2008, 10:42 PM
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Default The Devil's horns upon their heads

They are not
what they seem;
these small creatures of
Earth, full of
ugly pretence and
innocent childishness.

They have been
bestowed upon
as holy and angelic
- but trust them not;
indeed, underneath their
covering layers of
smiles, lithe laughter and
falsity,
do you not
see?

Alas, for you
then, my friend;
you are caught in the
deceitful web;
their living domain of
terror.

See, now! Cast
the light upon them,
let the darkness fade, the
truth revealed;
see not the horns of the
Devil strapped on their heads?

Believe them not,
they live for intolerable
mischief; deceiving the world
so that they, themselves
are unstoppable.

They no not boundaries,
nor consequences.

For they are
what they are;
as children.
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Last edited by SW; 07-05-2008 at 10:58 PM..
  #4  
Old 07-02-2008, 02:08 AM
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I don't know, I find this humorous. We'll see.

Wet dog, shaking himself dry

Tailored dresses, tailored skin tight
glisten under the midnight moon beams
and car headlights.
Such pretty women shouldn't stay in the rain
like this - didn't your mother ever tell you?
Wet cloth clings to warm thighs,
make men grunt, moan, and cry
when they go home alone, smelling
their own cologne clinging to their nose...
I suppose.
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Last edited by Danny; 07-02-2008 at 03:17 AM..
  #5  
Old 07-02-2008, 07:17 AM
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Default Morning Luck.

I awaken to a smell.
One I unfortunately know to well
There’s a little pile
that’s staining my tile,
Sit up and yawn,
feel withdrawn
my foot, my whole sole
as I do put it down ,
lands in a puddle foul.
Piss, piss, piss! I yowl.
Where is that lousy towel?

I grit my teeth and shake the yellow
from my dripping extremity
I'll destroy that rotten smell,
I think; at least it's only pee.
With a squish and a curse,
I fall in reverse.
I know where my bottom has struck
my sharp teeth both grind and grit--
Damn it all! You know, it's shit!

I watch the puppy with disdain
as he tromps to me untrained
to lick my frowning face with slurps.
He's so happy that he burps.

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  #6  
Old 07-08-2008, 10:14 AM
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Humans living on this earth often
Underestimate the power of the
Moon.
Or is it that the moon
Underestimates us. I think I need to
Re-estimate.

Loving life over
All else, the power or this is not to be
Underestimated, it is the thing we should
Guard the most in these times.
Hatred should be frowned, as should
Teachers (as they dissaprove of laughter), by
Everyone. The things upon which we
Rely the most should include these.

Go on Laugh, you know you want to.
  #7  
Old 07-09-2008, 09:12 AM
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Default I love you like i love potatoes

I love you like i love potatoes

I love you like I love potatoes
The way you make my heart turn red like a tomatoe
I open up the refridgerator
OH EM GEE IS THAT AN ALLIGATOR
Sorry dad, I thought something was in that pot
Oh my gosh these cucumbers are making me hot
I love the way they are green and long
Kind of like grandma's Old Bong

I love you like I love cheese
The way you rub my feet and make me wheez
I'm crawling on my scared knees
Oh gee I need that pepsi

I wish you'd be mine forever
Baby if you don't get off that escalator
You're like the itch on my crack
That I can't scratch without bending back

I love you like I love potatoes
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Dream big, live long, fulfill destiny's, mine was to sing
  #8  
Old 07-13-2008, 11:56 AM
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i know its the wrong season but here goes

Rudolph the red nosed reindeer
was working in the Union bar
along with an elf and fairy
and a bright and shining star.

Waking up is Mother Christmas
thanks to Christmas Bell's loud din
she opens the "rejects" cupboard
and with one push she locks him in.

Then one frosty Friday night
An Angel came to say
"People i have travelled far,
but....................why's that horse behind the bar?"

"Yippee" screeched the Fairy
"finally i can fly"
Just then a single snowflake
drifted slowly from the sky.

Look! there is Father Christmas
As merry as can be
Hanging a bright red bauble
on a little Christmas tree.
  #9  
Old 07-13-2008, 01:57 PM
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Screw it, I never enter these... but I should do something new as often as possible..
DISCLAIMER:
May offend, it has done before but honestly, it was written as a joke.


God, don't make me gay.
I make my jokes,
I stare at girls, sorry, women.
God, don't make me gay.
Don't make me what your people hate,
don't let me face the stones,
I want to be strong… But I can't…
God, don't make me gay,
I wear my rosary everyday,
bought it full price from TopShop,
even been confirmed,
God, don't make me gay.
Please, my parents disowned me,
my best friend's mother kicked me out
when she found me between her daughter's legs.
God, don't make me gay.
I'm sorry for my past lives,
I'm sorry for my sins,
I'm sorry I'm distracted by breasts.
Please God, don't make me gay.
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His lips parted, cracked and dry as he struggled to whisper: "My muse, you're here."
She simply smiled, "Yes, Drake, I am here."
  #10  
Old 07-21-2008, 07:59 AM
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worked this one several years ago:


----

Folksy forced me into
the alley between the ballet
and general store. Of course,
what I cared more about was when
she slid into the gaps of a
stormdrain, after not telling
me why she forced me into the
alley between the ballet and
general store. So I lifted the
manhole cover, and skewered into
the sewers looking for Folksy. I
battled my way through dead-fished
waters and a dead greek god
thinking how she forced me into
the alleyway between the ballet
and general store when it bricks me:
Folksy is a guy.
  #11  
Old 07-21-2008, 12:12 PM
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Tony Blair
Was reluctant to share
The lemon crush
Now everyone's bushed!
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