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Old 05-01-2007, 04:19 PM
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My dear Jenny

I hope you understand all the things I've done for you. I've been here quite a while sewing my plans and seeding them just right. You left me crying the other night, your father was beating you again but I'll be here alright?

I don't want anything bad happening to you or those sweet almond eyes. I'd die for you, don't you know? Yes you do. You even told me so. There has been bad times between us but nothing like now. Even though we're not even the ones fighting!

Jenny this is crazy. I hope you get this letter in time, don't want it to arrive too early or too late for you. When you read it, come to your house. I know you've been staying at your friend Alisha's, but I really wish to see you and I have a suprise for you here.

Everything is going to be okay Jenny. Alright? Don't cry anymore please. Come to your home. As I've said, I've planted some seeds and been sewing my plans for your happiness : ).
Love

Jeremiah Hoth

~

Night time. Jenny came to her house. With all of her hate and dislike of this house, she came for Jeremiah. Upon reading his letter she had broken into even more tears. They were not going out, though he very badly wanted to, but he was indeed, a sweetheart above all. Many didn't like him, but Jenny did, he was a good friend especially in these times with her abusive father.

She entered the house slowly, wondering even if he'd be here this late at night. Least she would be able to tell him she came even if he wasn't. Maybe she'd stay home this time. Really talk to her dad and mother about all of her problems. She was sick cutting her thighs.

The darkness was heavy in here, it clothed tables and countertops, chairs and doors. No light came in from the dim moon outside. There was something sparkling on her kitchen table, she could see it even from here in the darkness. Curious, she walked over.

It was a blue necklace, made of beads in shapes of hearts. Inside each was a seed and it seemed oddly beautiful to her. Jenny picked it up, it was weightless and wonderful. It must've been sent to her by Jeremiah.

What a sweetheart.

She let out a some wail as something sharp wrenched into her body. Some blood came from her mouth, she was let down to the hard kitchen tile. Eyes rolling to the back of the head. Such pain. Such pain Jenny.
Jeremiah flickered on the lights, illumination flooded the room and for a second all was white, "Jenny! Oh no Jenny!"

Jeremiah kneeled at the wounded woman. He helped her sit up and gripped the knife that had been put into her back, "It's going to hurt and bleed everywhere if I pull it out. I'm not sure what I should do!"

Jenny looked at him, then look at the far end of the room Her father was dead laying on the kitchen tile. His body ripped open where small evergreens lay, drenched in his blood and the watering touch of Jeremiah.

Jeremiah looked at her, worried, "I don't know what to do!"

He slapped Jenny and took another knife, jabbing it quickly into her eye. "Oh my god!"

"Can you hold on?" Jeremiah said lovingly.

He went to where the phone was. Unbuckling his pants.
~



Tilldusk The Coddigus Poet

Death comes only in the form of life.

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  #2  
Old 05-01-2007, 05:27 PM
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Call me dense, but I don't get it. There were a few spots were I don't get what's going on.
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Old 05-01-2007, 08:12 PM
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What few spots?
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Old 05-02-2007, 07:16 AM
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Most of the ending, like...

she was let down to the hard kitchen tile.
Did she fall or was she let down? And if she ws let down, how?

His body ripped open where small evergreens lay, drenched in his blood and the watering touch of Jeremiah.
Why is there evergreens inside the house? Unless that's what was used to make the trap.
And what does Jeremiah's watering touch mean?

And then everything after that. I mean, is he trying to kill her the whole time? And why does he walk over to the phone?

Thanks, and sorry for not being the brightest crayon in the shed.
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Old 05-02-2007, 02:44 PM
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Well Predator, what did you think all of this meant? And what trap do you refer to? What do you think it all means.
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Old 05-02-2007, 08:20 PM
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At first I thought it was a trap meant for her father. But now I'm not so sure, I think maybe Jeremiah was trying to kill her because she wouldn't go out with him?
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Old 05-03-2007, 11:44 PM
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Good, I knew you knew : )
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Old 05-04-2007, 12:57 PM
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Ok, cool. But maybe you should put a little mor emphasison some things. Like his stabbing her in the eye, cause that seemed to go extremely fast.
Good job though.
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Old 05-04-2007, 09:19 PM
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Hey Predator. I'm glad you thought the violence went fast. I do that for symbolism. It's part of a new short story method I'm experimenting with where I combine some postmodernism with the writing style of imagist.


IM me if you'd like to see my better stories. I don't show my real stuff here anymore after the harassment of Riverstone.



-Tilldusk
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Old 05-04-2007, 09:19 PM
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Hey Predator. I'm glad you thought the violence went fast. I do that for symbolism. It's part of a new short story method I'm experimenting with where I combine some postmodernism with the writing style of imagist.


IM me if you'd like to see my better stories. I don't show my real stuff here anymore after the harassment done to Riverstone.



-Tilldusk
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Old 05-04-2007, 09:20 PM
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My bad, meant just to make one post, the last one is the real one lol.
The harassment done to Riverstone.
Vile stuff man
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Old 05-08-2007, 08:05 AM
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What happened to Riverstone?
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