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Tinmen Part 5 (Adult language and themes, violence)

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Old 01-18-2013, 05:45 PM
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Icon1 Tinmen Part 5 (Adult language and themes, violence)


This is a science fiction romance. There is adult language and themes. IF I include a love scene, it will likely be alluded to when posted here, but edited out, and I may decide to post just the deleted scene in the Adult Content forum.

Roughly 1,900 words

Part 1 is here: http://www.writersbeat.com/showthread.php?t=43517
Part 2 is here: http://www.writersbeat.com/showthread.php?t=43518
Part 3 is here: http://www.writersbeat.com/showthread.php?t=43529
Part 4 is here: http://www.writersbeat.com/showthread.php?t=43673

(In part 1: We were 'introduced' to a cyborg, who does not know who he was/is. We also met a lab technician named Kat who was working on him. As well as another man name Jack, who it Kat's significant other.
In part 2: Kat discovers that the cyborg is not like other cyborgs and could be one of the first successful attempts at creating cyborgs. We also meet ex-Warrant Officer Maximilian Smeede.
In part 3: After trying to render the cyborg harmless, we learn that he will die if he is not returned to the dangerous armor, but it is decided that he will be left to die.
In part 4: The base has been attacked, Kat and others taken away as hostages and Jack puts the cyborg back into his armor, before Jack dies.)

____ He came to a halt when the rendezvous point came into sight, three other cyborgs stood there waiting, their backs together, facing three directions. They would give him behaviors to copy, but they would also be formidable reinforcements for the UANM that showed up, should the situation deteriorate.
____ 'Transfer Temporary Tactical Coordination Control to V9.432? Yes/no'
____ After a few skipped heart beats and missed breaths, he selected 'No' and hoped it was the right choice. He had planned to stand on the exact spot that the coordinates had indicated, but that spot was centered between the backs of the three other cyborgs, leaving him wondering what do to, since the group did not open up and allow him to step in with them to form a square instead of the triangle they still formed.
____ Seven minutes later another cyborg arrived and again he saw the question about tactical control and again he selected 'No.' A square was formed by the four cyborgs leaving him standing off to the side. Putting it out of his mind, he focused on his goal and the data that might help him achieve it, accessing the blueprints of Fort Reagan, duty rosters, security measures, etc.
____ Twenty minutes before the scheduled pickup, he received another block of text, but this one was different.
____ 'Establishing Mobile Command Connection. Connected. Authentication valid.
____ Activate Alpha Control. Activation failed: Module damaged.'
____ He watched as the next part was typed out letter by letter.
____ 'V9.432 assume command. Secure Landing Zone. Report enemy activity if encountered.'
____ He reread the command.
____ 'V9.432 confirm command.'
____ “Am I V9.432?” he thought as he looked for a way to confirm the command and found it, a moment later the tactical control question reappeared, this time he selected 'Yes.'
____ Data streamed into him from the four other cyborgs as they began to sweep the area for possible hostiles, it was almost enough to give him a headache, if he could have felt one. The long range sensors made sweeping the LZ fast. This time when they returned to the coordinates, he was included in the formation of a five sided circle.


____ The transport landed and much like any other tactical team, the cyborgs boarded the craft. Once strapped inside, the bird took off.
____ 'Temporary Tactical Coordination Control: Deactivated.'
____ A thinly built man holding a computerized device moved in front of him. He stiffened as the man opened a panel in his chest and connected the computer to him. The man studied the screen and then removed the cable and closed the panel. It bothered him that he had no idea what information the man received, but he was a little relieved when the procedure was repeated with the other cyborgs.


____ His GPS told him that they were nearing Fort Reagan, he wished he could turn his head and get a good look at the place as they flew over it, but since none of the other cyborgs moved, neither could he. Minutes later they were being escorted into a building. There were too many soldiers, too many cyborgs for him to slip away, he couldn't risk calling attention to himself yet.


____ The lab was a large rectangular room, roughly forty feet by seventy feet, according to his spatial sensors. Smooth walls, bright lights, machines and computers, technicians in bright white coats, the place was so different from Kat's makeshift cave lab. He panicked a moment when he was issued a command to dock at a certain bay, but his enhanced vision picked out the number he was looking for.
____ There were ten technicians, seven soldiers and fifteen cyborgs in the room with him. He was having serious doubts about his plan.


____ “Warner,” a female lab tech said as she walked up to stand beside another tech who sat at a console, their backs to him, “Here's the Delta schematics.” She handed the man a small object, which he stuck in his pocket. “Ritner wants you to remod as many of these units as possible. The ones that can't be remod'd, retro fit them and reprogram them as Scouts,” she added, handing him a piece of paper.
____ He struggled with his visual controls, trying to read the paper, but was finally able to zoom in his focus on it as it lay on the long counter and refine the image until he could read it. It was a formal version of what she had just said.
____ “Fun fun. I smell a late night coming on,” Warner said without enthusiasm.
____ She patted Warner on the shoulder and grinned, “Better you than me. Good luck!”
____ “Thanks,” he replied flatly.


____ “Okay,” Warner sighed, “Where is that head injury?” he looked at his computer screen, “Bay eleven,” he tapped a few buttons on the screen. “Wow, you've been in service a while, haven't you, Alpha Five Nine?” he asked rhetorically. Then he stood and moved up in front of him, “Well, lets see that head injury. V9.432, about face.”
____ He wanted to shove Warner out of the way to view the data about him that was on the screen, but he turned around instead. The back of his helm was removed.
____ “Oh damn,” Warner said, then chuckled, “Control Module damaged, my ass. The damn thing is gone. Gonna be hard to put one back in you without the right parts to connect it to. What say we get you down to ReGen and see if they can't patch you up?”
____ He had a sadistic urge to say, 'No thanks,' but thought better of it.
____ Again his panic began to kick in as Warner started trying to remove more of his armor. He mentally recounted the cyborgs, soldiers and technicians in the room. Too many. A beeping sounded from a panel near his right elbow, drawing Warner's attention. He couldn't help himself he had to turn his head an look. The quick glance told him that three alarms had gone off, heart rate, respiration and adrenaline.
____ Warner frowned at him, then shut off the alarms.
____ He risked another look as Warner tapped his way through more screens.
____ “All six beacons failed?” the man said quietly, then glanced around and licked his lips.
____ Warner was nervous.
____ “Okay, let's get you out of that armor and get a better look at you,” Warner said then issued the commands for him to follow him then step into a large apparatus.
____ Turning around and pressing his back and limbs against the apparatus, his mind was racing, he would be dead meat without the armor. The apparatus came to life, seeking out the latches on his armor and forcing them open in a way that fingers couldn't. The pieces were drawn away from him except for the back piece. He directed every ounce of his focus on keeping his breathing even, keeping his eyes forward, his face blank.
____ Warner took a look at him, one hand coming up to touch the stitches where his abdominal beacon had been removed, “Oh shit,” the man said in barely a whisper, then quickly pushed a button on the apparatus.
____ His armor moved back into place around him and was latched closed. Warner commanded him to step out of the apparatus, then the man put the back of his helm in place and walked him from the room. “Could I really be so lucky?” he wondered, but as they passed numerous cyborgs, seemingly unthinking, unfeeling, completely controlled, he thought that perhaps he was.

____ ReGen was a long corridor with twenty-one small rooms connected to it, Warner took him into room eight and closed the heavy door. When Warner commanded him to remove his armor, he hesitated.
____ Warner's eyes widened and the man swallowed hard, “Are uh... you receiving me?”
____ “Nothing ventured, nothing gained,” he thought, “I hear you,” he said and waited for the fallout.
____ “Oh, wow. Oh, wow,” Warner's hands came up to the sides of his head in stunned disbelief, “Oh, jeez.” He collected himself enough to ask, “What are your uh directives?”
____ “What are yours?”
____ “Oh Holy Shit! I... I can't... Wow!” Warner backed up, blinked several times then licked his lips, “Have you been reprogrammed?”
____ “No. Have you?” he couldn't help but grin at his question.
____ Warner swallowed hard, “Are you following your programming?”
____ “No,” he raised his hands, his augmented strength combined with the fact that the latches had recently been forced open, he was able to remove the front of his helm. “I am following... my heart,” he stared at Warner, studying his expressions.
____ His mouth dropped open as he stared at the cyborg, “Oh man. I've only heard rumors about another cyborg gaining autonomy, but it went crazy and self destructed.”
____ “He. Not it.”
____ “Oh, yeah, yeah, right,” Warner nodded uncomfortably. Licking his lips he fiddled with the device in his pocket, the one holding the Delta schematics, “Are you working with the resistance?”
____ He could see Warner holding his breath, waiting for his answer.
____ “If there is only one, then yes.”
____ Warner's brows rose then he frowned a little, “As far as I know...”
____ “Are you?” his eyes pointedly shifted to the device in Warner's pocket.
____ Another hard swallow then Warner nodded and withdrew the device, extending it to him, “Copy it.”
____ “I do not know the location of another base. The base where Warrant Officer Smeede and Colonel Hawthorn were stationed has been destroyed. Nor do I know the protocols for radio or network communication with them.”
____ That had Warner looking very nervous.
____ He went on, “I woke up. They did not know if they could trust me.”
____ “Man. How am I supposed to know?”
____ It was a legitimate question.
____ “I am here to locate and rescue,” he couldn't say Kat, “Colonel Hawthorn, Warrant Officer Smeede and any other personnel of the resistance I can find.”
____ Warner blanched, “Oh shit. How were you planning on doing that?”
____ For lack of a better reply, he shrugged, “Wing it.”
____ Warner barked a somewhat disturbing laugh before clamping his hand over his mouth, “You're kidding me, right?”
____ He mulled over his next words, before speaking, “There is a woman... I love.”
____ “Oh jeez,” the tension melted in Warner for the moment. He smiled then and offered up the device again, “You need a better plan and I just might be able to help you.”

____ His apprehension was at an all time high as he lay face down on the ReGen table and allowed Warner to shut him down, but the man had informed him of one thing and convinced him of another. The prisoners had not left Fort Reagan and were not due to be transported until three days from now and that was a tentative date, due to hostile activity near the prison camp. Warner had convinced him of his fragile state by smacking the back of his helm. The room had spun. If he took a blow to the head, he would be of no use to Kat.
____ “I'll find out what I can and be back for you as soon as the process is finished,” Warner said before the world went away.

----
Part 6 is here: http://www.writersbeat.com/showthrea...800#post561800

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Last edited by MightieMousie; 01-21-2013 at 06:55 PM..
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Old 01-19-2013, 02:42 PM
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Mightie,
BOO-Yah! That's exactly how I would have gotten him on the inside. God help me I'm starting to think like a cyborg.

Backhanded compliment:
Mouster, you must be some incredible geek! I say that with fondness because your interface dialogue and description of command protocols sound so stinkin' believable, it's scary.

Well done on this one,
Abdula
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Old 01-20-2013, 04:27 PM
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Thank you, Abdula!

I will take that backhanded compliment, but I must admit that I my geekness is greatly limited. All I can say by way of explanation is that I have watched way too many movies.

Science fiction is really not my thing. I have used a futuristic setting in one other story, but it is very much in the background of that story. The idea for this story however obviously requires the sci-fi elements to be upfront.

I am doing as the man/machine said, 'winging it.'

Thank you most sincerely!
MM
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Old 01-27-2013, 08:18 PM
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Originally Posted by MightieMousie View Post
This is a science fiction romance. There is adult language and themes. IF I include a love scene, it will likely be alluded to when posted here, but edited out, and I may decide to post just the deleted scene in the Adult Content forum.

Just let me know. No immature joke here about erotica, ( although there will be one when it happens, rest assurd.) I just don't wanna miss anything, I love this series so far.


____ 'V9.432 confirm command.'
____ “Am I V9.432?” he thought as he looked for a way to confirm the command and found it, a moment later the tactical control question reappeared, this time he selected 'Yes.'

Nice, we got a name. I'm gonna call him 'Vinny.''
____ Data streamed into him from the four other cyborgs as they began to sweep the area for possible hostiles, it was almost enough to give him a headache, if he could have felt one. The long range sensors made sweeping the LZ fast. This time when they returned to the coordinates, he was included in the formation of a five sided circle.

Not sure if I like the headache thing, for the reason that he can't feel one. Might be better to experiance this as he experiances it.


____ The transport landed and much like any other tactical team, the cyborgs boarded the craft. Once strapped inside, the bird took off.
____ 'Temporary Tactical Coordination Control: Deactivated.'
____ A thinly built man holding a computerized device moved in front of him. He stiffened as the man opened a panel in his chest and connected the computer to him. The man studied the screen and then removed the cable and closed the panel. It bothered him that he had no idea what information the man received, but he was a little relieved when the procedure was repeated with the other cyborgs.

A little unclear that Vinny went inside the ship with them. For some reason, and I think this could be me, I had it in my head that he was just watching from afar. did I miss something?




____ “Okay,” Warner sighed, “Where is that head injury?” he looked at his computer screen, “Bay eleven,” he tapped a few buttons on the screen. “Wow, you've been in service a while, haven't you, Alpha Five Nine?” he asked rhetorically. Then he stood and moved up in front of him, “Well, lets see that head injury. V9.432, about face.”

It's getting a little bit confusing with all the he's. the narrator speaks very much from the perspective of the cyborg. So much so that the narrator says "he" instead of V9 or anything like that. Nothing wrong with that but it gets hard to tell these two characters apart unless you call warner by name and not pronoun. Is 'he'' a pronoun? Anyway ...
_
____ “Oh, wow. Oh, wow,” Warner's hands came up to the sides of his head in stunned disbelief, “Oh, jeez.” He collected himself enough to ask, “What are your uh directives?”
____ “What are yours?”
____ “Oh Holy Shit! I... I can't... Wow!” Warner backed up, blinked several times then licked his lips, “Have you been reprogrammed?”

Oh no, this is not going well. He's making to much of an impression.
____ “No. Have you?” he couldn't help but grin at his question.
____ Warner swallowed hard, “Are you following your programming?”
____ “No,” he raised his hands, his augmented strength combined with the fact that the latches had recently been forced open, he was able to remove the front of his helm. “I am following... my heart,” he stared at Warner, studying his expressions.

Gotta love this guy ... the only thing that would make it better is if he pulled out an AK after saying that and Schwarzenegger all over the place.
____
____ “I am here to locate and rescue,” he couldn't say Kat, “Colonel Hawthorn, Warrant Officer Smeede and any other personnel of the resistance I can find.”
____ Warner blanched, “Oh shit. How were you planning on doing that?”

okay, now he pulls out the Ak and Schwarzeneggers the place.
____ For lack of a better reply, he shrugged, “Wing it.”

"Wing it," he says! "Wing it!" Best line of all time!


----
Part 6 is here: http://www.writersbeat.com/showthrea...800#post561800
Things picked up a bit after Warner found out Vinny was a real boy. but there was a chunk in the middle there where all the he's got confusing.

I'm not 100% sure that "Winging it" was the best plot device, as much as I like the line. Seems poorly thought out.

but I'm totally committed to these characters emotionaly so I"m looking foward to the next one.
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Old 01-28-2013, 06:27 PM
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Rooster,

The info-headache: I thought it was better to sort of make a joke about the info rather than have a very dry list of data, but I will kick it around and see if I like it better.

Hmm... you are right, I wrote nothing that specifically included our cyborg in the LZ sweep or getting on board the bird. Thank you for pointing that out.

lol Yes, he is a pronoun. I will go over that section and make sure it is clear who is doing what.

LOL @ AK and Schwarzenegger!

"Wing it" was actually more of a humanistic/character type reply, he had other ideas, but nothing firm until he had a chance to look around, move freely... since he hasn't had that chance, being stuck in the repair lab, he had no firm plans yet.

Thank you yet again, Rooster for reading and taking the time to reply!
MM
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