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The Four Worlds: A Beautiful World (Prologue)

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Old 01-09-2014, 05:45 PM
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Default The Four Worlds: A Beautiful World (Prologue)


Hello, this is the prologue to my first book The Four Worlds: A Beautiful World. This is still a rough draft.

Prologue


I would appreciate feedback.

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Old 01-09-2014, 09:14 PM
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too many words i'm sorry!!!
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Old 01-10-2014, 02:17 AM
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This is an interesting start to what could be an epic fantasy tale, but a lot to read on the screen.. I've read about 2/3 and will come back for the remainder once I've given my eyes a rest. I added comments only for the very start of the story as commenting on the whole piece would take too long. The issue throughout the text seems to stem from rushed writing, with minor grammatical and spelling errors being fairly common.. Missed words, some inconsistency errors.

However, what you may lack in way of patience with proofreading, you make up for in imagination. I would keep going with this for sure, but do try to proofread more carefully.

Originally Posted by MaliciousFriday View Post
Hello, this is the prologue to my first book The Four Worlds: A Beautiful World. This is still a rough draft.

Prologue


I would appreciate feedback.
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Old 01-10-2014, 08:18 PM
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Thanks for the feedback, and glad you like it

I've gotten a lot of good reviews on the prologue alone, so I suspect the books with be fantastic!
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Old 01-11-2014, 08:09 AM
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Some very, very good prose here! If the grammar, spelling and missing words were fixed up with a good, strong edit or two, it could be great.

I'd be interested in reading more just because of your voice alone. Will you post the next chapter? I look forward to it.

However, the story and action on it's own did little for me. It struck me as being scattered and disjointed. There are so many characters introduced so fast, I found it difficult to keep up with them. Some of their names were similar too, which made it confusing. Also, I don't know who the protagonist(s) is and have been given no reason to root for them -- but, this being the prologue, maybe that enters the picture in the following chapter(?).

Last edited by Konan; 01-11-2014 at 08:23 AM..
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Old 01-11-2014, 10:27 AM
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Originally Posted by Konan View Post
I'd be interested in reading more just because of your voice alone. Will you post the next chapter? I look forward to it.
Thanks, man. But I won't be posting the next chapter here.

Originally Posted by Konan View Post
However, the story and action on it's own did little for me. It struck me as being scattered and disjointed. There are so many characters introduced so fast, I found it difficult to keep up with them. Some of their names were similar too, which made it confusing. Also, I don't know who the protagonist(s) is and have been given no reason to root for them -- but, this being the prologue, maybe that enters the picture in the following chapter(?).
The names being similar are because they're a combinations of words from a dead language that exists in my book. For example, Cantorium's name comes from the word cantus (meaning fire) and terratorium (meaning Earth or world)

The actual protagonist appears in the 2nd chapter. Reduele is a deuteragonist.
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