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Beyond the Void (Screenplay)

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  #1  
Old 01-01-2015, 07:47 AM
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Default Beyond the Void (Screenplay)


Here's a script I wrote for psychological horror before new year. It is only 4 pages long so it shouldn't take too long to read. Critique is highly appreciated.

It has been copy and pasted from Celtx so the formatting may appear a bit off.

INT - BEDROOM - NIGHT



CUT FROM BLACK:

Tom opens his eyes. He is lying on his bed staring up at the
ceiling terrified. The sound of thunder can be heard from
outside his bedroom window. A look of confusion spreads
across Tomís face. The look slowly disappears as Tom
realizes he was only dreaming. Tom get up and heads over to
the bedroom door.

The moment Tom reaches his bedroom door, a Facebook message
alert rings from his laptop. Tom freezes then rolls his eyes
and grabs hold of his door handle. The alert rings three
times in quick succession. Tom sighs then heads back to and
sits down on his chair in front of his laptop. He notices a
screwed up piece of paper on the floor. Written on the
paper is the words C/prompt1 Tom stares it for a moment in
bewilderment. Another Facebook alert sound and Tom looks
towards his screen and opens his Facebook message from his
friend Luke.

LUKE
(via Facebook message)
Hey

Hey

Yo

Oi dickhead reply lol

Tom types out a reply which reads as follows.

TOM
(Via Facebook message)
Ok chill... Wasup?

LUKE
Not much.

TOM
Er...k?

LUKE
I found something pretty weird
earlier ever heard of Creepy Pasta?

TOM
I donít find them scary.


(CONTINUED)


CONTINUED: 2.



LUKE
This oneís different.

TOM
How?

LUKE
Itís kinda similar to Creepypasta
but just different...

TOM
IDC I donít find CP scary so why do
I wanna look at this?

LUKE
Wimp...

Tom sighs looks around aimlessly. Tom then continues to
type.

TOM
FFS w.e itís not like Iíve got
anything else to do...Gotta a link
to it?

LUKE
K hang on

TOM
K

Tom begins to look around his desk while he waits.

He looks at a picture hanging up on the wall. It is a
picture of him and his friend. He stares at it and sees the
words "Command prompt narration" scrawled inside on the
picture. He stares at it intently before another Facebook
message alert distracts him. The link to a strange website
comes up on screen. A giant play button appears on screen.
Tom clicks it. A narration begins to talk over the top of
some dramatic music.

NARRATOR

Once upon a time there lived a boy called Andy. Andy was no
ordinary boy. He wasnít even a real boy at all. Andy was all
alone in a fake world. Every now and again he would remember
this simple truth and it would invoke upon him the uttermost
of terror, so he simply forgot and the fear was gone once
more. He surrounded himself with legion of imaginary
memories and friends that could do only so much to distract
him. One day upon waking up from a familiar but inexplicably
terrifying dream he received a message from his friend who

(CONTINUED)


CONTINUED: 3.



gave him a book containing in it the most terrifying
sequence of words Andy could possibly read. And now as he
read these words he felt as if something wasnít quite right.
He swallowed hard as he tried to repress the intoxicating
sense of Deja-Vu that was now intermingling with an
ascending feeling of dread. The dread that rose and rose as
these words intertwined dangerously with reality.

Tom begins struggling for breath. Tom glances back to the
screen, sweat ebbs off of his face. He shakes his head in
disbelief and then forces a grin.

NARRATOR

But he soon realized his own folly. How many more people
would of reacted this same way he thought. He read on
spurred by this realization.

NARRATOR
There was a bang at the door.

There is a bang at the door.

The music playing from the laptop becomes more sinister.

NARRATOR
Unsettling music began to play from
the TV and unsettled Andy. Maybe it
was just one of his friends setting
him up he thought.

Tom stands up from his seat and heads towards the door. He
reaches out towards the door handle. There is loud rumble of
thunder just as Tomís hand is inches away from the door
handle.

NARRATOR
Thunder rumbled from outside Andyís
window.

Tom jumps back from the door and dives back into his bed. He
lifts the covers above his head then slowly brings them
down.

There is another flash of thunder outside the window and the
walls began to groan.

NARRATOR
Another flash of thunder, a creak
of the wall, a thump of his heart.
This couldnít be real and he knew
it. He arose to his feet and faced
the door.

(CONTINUED)


CONTINUED: 4.



Tom steps back out of his bed and approaches the door.

NARRATOR
Armed with of all of what he knew
to be true of the universe he was
ready to face down the situation
and expose it for what it was.
Madness. Nothing more.

The music stops and the narration comes to an end.

Tom takes a step closer to the door. He stops in front of
the door. He reaches out then hesitates when his hand
reaches the door handle. Tom takes a deep breath and in one
quick motion he grabs the handle and pulls the door open.

The music on the laptop begins to play ominous music.

Outside the room, instead of another room there is just a
dark empty void.

NARRATOR
Isnít that right, Tom?

Tom slams the door closed and backs away. He takes out his
phone. Written on the screen of his phone are the words c/
music end. Tom presses every button on his phone furiously
but nothing happens. He throws the phone aside. The music
from the laptop stops playing.

Tom falls to the floor and sees written on the ceiling the
words /c colour rendering disengage" Everything in the room
including Tom become black and white. Tom hold his hands out
in front of him, his mouth is wide open as he see what has
happened. He grabs hold of his laptop. He presses the keys
and hits the power button but the laptop doesnít respond.
The words "object rendering test complete" appear. Objects
around the room start disappearing one by one until there is
nothing but the bed and the laptop left. The words "AI test
complete" appear on the screen" Tom opens his mouth once
more but just as he does his mind disappears and he stares
blankly and stands motionless. A moment later he disappears.

CUT TO BLACK:

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  #2  
Old 01-01-2015, 02:34 PM
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max crash (Offline)
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good flow

two things threw me, screwed up piece of paper and flash of thunder. I can't see a screwed up piece of paper, wadded up, yes, or mangled but not screwed up, and thunder rolls, lightning flashes.

interesting concept too.

max
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  #3  
Old 01-06-2015, 07:24 AM
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Very creepy concept. Just my opinion, but it seems like a very good modernization of Edgar Allan Poe's "The Raven". It has that atmosphere, the despair, and the sad and down ending you expect in a story like this. Overall, very good story, very well-made and paced, and just generally oozing with fear and horror.

I have one complaint, though: you did not establish the character's despair or madness in the story, so I have to rely on what the Narrator says to know what is feeling inside. Maybe a more solid introduction on the main character's inner demons would make it easier to understand his struggles so that you won't have to hold the reader/audience's hand too much.

Still good, though, and I enjoyed it a lot more than I expected.
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