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Contest Results | Fiction | Romance (February 2007)

 
 
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Old 03-02-2007, 08:09 AM
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Default Contest Results | Fiction | Romance (February 2007)


Congratulations to Leon of Prussia, our newest winner in Fiction! We’d like to thank all participants – these were a great round of stories.

Final Order of Finish:

1. Leon of Prussia – 18.571
2. gary_wagner – 18.142
3. josiehenley – 17.928
4. ronoxQ – 16.785
5. kal – 16.07
6. Susie – 13.85
(late entry – NyteLyfe – 16.571)


Individual comments and scores are below.

Originally Posted by OnceUponATime View Post
My Scores for the Feb Fiction contest


Member: RonoxQ

Title: "AM"
Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 9/10
Comments: Wonderful story, loved the play on words in regard to 'Amar,' the Spanish word for love. COuld be developed a little further, but otherwise, terrific writing.
Score: 18/20

-----------------
Member: Susie
Title: "And She Was His Beloved"
Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 6/10
Comments: Nice story, loved the plot idea behind it. Mechanically speaking the story is written/paced well, but the narrative is 'telling' me the story rather than 'showing' it to me. Characters need to be fleshed out a little more, especially the main character's love interest. Good writing; with a little more polishing on the narrative/mood/tone/setting info, this will be great.
Score: 12/20

------------------
Member: Kal
Title: "And God Doesn't Live Here Anymore"
Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 9/10
Comments: Kal's an excellent writer and her strengths are in the use of mood, setting, tone/voice and vivid religious imagery to tell this story on many levels - all of it showcased very well in this piece. Very emotional, riveting story and I LOVE the title. Top-notch work with this one. Only nit might be that I prefer to see the main character's name given in the first couple of para's (rather than referring to the more ambiguous 'she') but that's just a style thing, not an error in writing. Fabulous job - keep writing!
Score: 19/20

-------------------

Member: JosieHenley
Title: "A Snowy Romance"
Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 9/10
Comments: A cute story, both funny and lighthearted, making for an enjoyable read. Loved the unique turns of phrase here and there, like "Landing on a hawthorn bush, Tangle opened her fairy radar system and began to scan the forest." Terrific writing, no real nits save for the feeling I had that if just a pinch more tension were added in between Moon Wolfe and Angel Swift (even if of the tame, humorous variety) this story would be just perfect. Great job, do keep writing!
Score: 19/20
-----------------

Member: Leon of Prussia
Title: "Names"
Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 10/10
Comments: Wow - what a terrific read! I was drawn in and my attention held all the way through. Loved the succinct yet effective way you described your characters (the use of names like 'the Goth,' etc., to call up images of the secondary characters in the reader's mind). Good 'slice of life' feel to it and the bittersweet ending worked nicely. I didn't find anything wrong with it, but then I was drawn into the story so well I wasn't really looking... Top-notch job, thanks for the read!
Score: 20/20

-------------


Member: Gary Wagner
Title: "Wilfred and Rosie"
Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 8/10
Comments: An adorable story. I love to read stories involving elderly characters and thoroughly enjoyed this. Only nitpick might be that the plot might have been a tad more effective if the old man hadn't given an explanation about Rosie himself, but rather the info should come from yet another character familiar with Wilfred's story. This would increase the poignancy/empathy effect and underline the idea of everlasting love. Nice work and an awesome read.
Score: 18/20
----------------

Member: NyteLyfe
Title: "The Saviour"
Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 7/10
Comments: A good story, but it reminded me too much of the scene in "Armageddon" with Bruce Willis saying goodbye to his daughter just before he explodes the nuke inside the asteroid. Sorry, I just couldn't get around that idea once it set in. A few structure/typo things here and there. Good scene-setting, however; loved the way this author interspersed flashbacks with real-time action. Nice work, keep writing!
Score: 14/20

--------------

Great entries, everyone! Judging was a toughie this time around
-Jillian

Originally Posted by BreezyWriter View Post
Member: RonoxQ
Title: A.M.
Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 3 /5
Overall Impression: 8/10
Comments:Nicely written in the first person. It was a good story for the most part, but when it came to the talking of one towards the other it was difficult knowing who was saying what.
Score: 14 /20
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Member: Susie
Title: "And She Was His Beloved"
Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4 /5
Overall Impression: 8/10
Comments: Nicely done though there were several words to many. As far as first dates go it was nice
Score: 16/20
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Member: Kal
Title: God Doesn’t Live Here Anymore.
Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4 /5
Overall Impression: 8/10
Comments: Nicely written even though it was somewhat mixed when the thoughts were transferred from one person to the other in the chuch. Only realizing after awhile that it was not the same person thinking.
Score: 16/20
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Member:Josiehenley
Title: A Snowy Romance
Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 9/10
Comments: Nicely written. At first the caracters were very believable. As I was getting further into the story I started to become mixed, thinking who is she talking about. The name Moon Wolfe has a masculine stance to it, as well as the actions described Then when the explaining of what Moon Wolf felt, had a feminine stance I was wondering what I missed. In the whole the story was good and believable
Score: 18/20
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Member: Leon of Prussia
Title: Names
Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 7/10
Comments: The story is good though perplexing because there is no time difference. When he enters the school an hour before it starts he’s already surrounded by people in his thoughts but there is nothing to distinguish his thoughts from reality. Then he has a girl coming towards him giving no idea of what time of day it is until its time to get on the bus, yet his mother is expecting him at the front entrance. And then there was a lot of talking about geeks and such but no indication of who is thinking or saying them.
Score: 15/20
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Member: gary_wagner
Title: Wilfred and Rosie
Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 9/10
Comments: Had some problems in the beginning understanding where the story was going. First thing that came to mind was where is the gary I am used to reading. Then as usual you came through. Nicely done
Score: 17/20
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Member: NyteLyfe
Title: The Savior
Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 10/10
Comments: Nice piece of work. I got somewhat mixed up near the end until his wife spoke. Besides that it was good.
Score: 19/20

Originally Posted by Cordatus View Post
Member: ronoxQ
Title: AM

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Comments: Amazing style of writing. The beginning is confusing, but the ending is marvellous.

Score: 17/20

---

Member: susie
Title: And She Was His Beloved

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Comments: I think the idea is far too simple and had been written many times before. Try to work on the pace of the piece to improve it.

Score: 13/20

---

Member: Kal
Title: God Doesn’t Live Here Anymore.

Mechanics: 4/5
2Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Comments: Very complex! I think that the fluctuating emotions increased the intensity of the writing. I was lost between the characters' point of views; a simpler approach would make it far more better.

Score: 14/20

---

Member: josiehenley
Title: A Snowy Romance

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Comments: The concept is great and the writing is very good. I think that you have succeeded in drawing the reader's attention with such inventiveness and creativity.

Score: 18/20

---

Member: Leon of Prussia
Title: Names

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 10/10

Comments: Magnificent piece! The writing is perfect and the tone is wonderful. I particularly liked Tom's way of looking at people. Great read.

Score: 20/20

---

Member: gary_wagner
Title: Wilfred and Rosie

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 9/10

Comments: The emotions in this piece are marvellous. The character "Wilfred" is very deep and well defined, the flow is easy, and the content is very interesting.

Score: 19/20

---

**LATE ENTRY**

Member: NyteLyfe
Title: The Savior

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Comments: I liked this very much. The story flows nicely with bright emotions and perfect description. You word choice was smart, and the way you jumped back in time is very good and did not distract the reader.

Score: 18/20

Originally Posted by cuteangel View Post
Member: ronoxQ
Title: AM

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 9/10
Comments: I loved the way in which a simple conjugation lesson was evolved into something way beyond. It was a bit confusing in parts, but I fell for it entirely. Very good writing here.

Score: 17/20


Member: susie
Title: And She Was His Beloved

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 2/5
Overall Impression: 7/10
Comments: This story started off well, but slowly deteriorated. For one, Laura acted more like an adolescent mooning over a dream guy than a mature twenty-something woman. The ending was a bit too predictable. If she had been a bit younger, I would have been able to appreciate the beginning more – I liked the way she decided to pour out her frustration in writing, and so naively at that.

Score: 12/20


Member: kal
Title: God Doesn’t Live Here Anymore

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 8/10
Comments: This was amazing! The points of view, the conceptions, the misconception – everything was perfect. I cut two points from Impression because I wasn’t able to follow the end at first. Your style is strong and absorbing. The pace was just right to draw me in. Found a few mechanical errors, but not many. Overall, I liked it.

Score: 17/20


Member: josiehenley
Title: A Snowy Romance

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 9/10
Comments: Very original, not something one would normally expect to see in a romance contest. There’s not much to say here because you’ve said it all. I enjoyed the original imagery and humour – especially the jibes at television. My only problem was that I didn’t initially identify Moon Wolfe as a female. Some pronouns earlier can rectify that.

Score: 19/20


Member: Leon of Prussia
Title: Names

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 9/10
Comments: Excellent! Tom’s voice has been very well developed. I especially enjoyed his stereotyping of people. Again, not a typical love story – a lot of originality here. The realisation at the end was very different. I’d love to see more of your writing!

Score: 19/20


Member: gary_wagner
Title: Wilfred and Rosie

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 10/10
Comments: One word – mind-blowing. Again, you have showed us all what a wonderful writer you are and there’s nothing to add to that.

Score: 20/20


Member: NyteLyfe
Title: The Saviour

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 7/10
Comments: Somehow, this reminded me too much of the movie ‘Armageddon’ – the one in which a demolition crew goes out to blow up a meteor to save the world. The love story however was interesting. There were several words that were just perfect for the moment. The development of their relationship was also good.

Score: 13/20

Originally Posted by aprilrain View Post
Member: ronoxQ
Title: AM

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4.5/5
Overall Impression: 9/10
Comments: A very enjoyable story, especially the first several paragraphs in which you intertwine the language lesson with the character’s unrequited love. The line “Amy was ami a mi” was delivered perfectly. The characterization of both girls is subtle and effective. Great job.

Score: 18.5/20


Member: susie
Title: And She Was His Beloved

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 7/10
Comments: A sweet story with a hopeful ending (although he’s not from Bali--how will it ever work out? ). My only issue is that the tone of the story and the maturity level of the dialogue led me to believe that the character should have been much younger. A nice start, though.

Score: 13/20


Member: kal
Title: God Doesn’t Live Here Anymore

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8.5/10
Comments: I really enjoy stories that interconnect with various perspectives, so this was a treat. The emotion, heartache, longing…it was all well-told and convincing. I did have some trouble with the ending, and to tell the truth, I can’t say that I completely understood it. Maybe just me.

Score: 16.5/20


Member: josiehenley
Title: A Snowy Romance

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7.5/10
Comments: What an unusual cast of characters, which is what gave this story its charm and originality. A fun read that had a mixture of modern and primitive references that took me a little while to reconcile, but the picture did come together nicely.

Score: 16.5/20


Member: Leon of Prussia
Title: Names

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 9/10
Comments: The perspective in this story is wonderfully refreshing, unintentionally humorous, and unapologetic. I loved it from the beginning, and mostly because Tom sees nothing wrong with categorizing people with one or two words, but yet he reads a book he’s not interested in because he wants others to categorize him the same way. Somehow this doesn’t seem contrary to him, which lends itself to the teenage narrowed perspective. His love interest can’t be categorized and this flusters him more than her asking him out. A really wonderful voice.

Score: 19/20


Member: gary_wagner
Title: Wilfred and Rosie

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10
Comments: Sad and uplifting at the same time. We should all be as lucky as Rosie to be loved that much. Nicely done.

Score: 16/20


Late Entry--Not included in scoring

Member: NyteLyfe
Title: The Saviour

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 4.5/5
Overall Impression: 7.5/10
Comments: This was one of those stories that I knew from the very beginning what was going to happen, but it still tugged at my heart strings in the end anyway. The transition from the present to memories was effective and not over done.

Score: 15/20

Originally Posted by starpanda View Post
Member: RonoxQ
Title: A.M.
Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4 /5
Overall Impression: 8/10
Comments:A great play on words and indeed, languages. A wonderful story, although I personally would have liked to see a bit more flesh on the bones of the chatcyers
Score: 16 /20
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Member: Susie
Title: "And She Was His Beloved"
Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4 /5
Overall Impression: 7/10
Comments: I'm not saying that love can't just be around the corner, but this seemed a little 'quick' for me. i would have liked to see a little more pain, complexity and conflict before finding the man of her dreams
Score: 15/20
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Member: Kal
Title: God Doesn’t Live Here Anymore.
Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4 /5
Overall Impression: 8/10
Comments: Although these were four different points of view of the same story, to me they didn't quite gel together. The mechanics are fine and each individual section had great style and tone, I just didn't get the last connection.
Score: 16/20
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Member:Josiehenley
Title: A Snowy Romance
Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 9/10
Comments: Ah cute! A nicely written piece, however I too, would have liked to have seen a bit more conflict between the characters.

Score: 18/20
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Member: Leon of Prussia
Title: Names
Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 9/10
Comments: Excellent. A very intelligent and interesting piece.
Score: 18/20
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Member: gary_wagner
Title: Wilfred and Rosie
Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 9/10
Comments: On the whole very nicely done, although Wilfred's last admission did spoil it a bit for me.
Score: 18/20
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------late entry....
Member: NyteLyfe
Title: The Savior
Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 9/10
Comments: Great stuff. There were a few niggle mechanical things, but nothing serious. Good descriptions and development between the characters...a pity it was late
Score: 18/20

Originally Posted by azaelkain View Post
User: RonoxQ
Title: AM

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles 4/5
Overall: 8/10

Comment: Excellent play on languages.

Score: 17/20

User: Susie
Title: And she was his beloved

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall: 7/10

Score: 16/20

User: Kal
Title: God does not live here anymore

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall: 8/10

Comment: Point of view is not very clear, but a very interesting story full of twist.

Score: 14/20

User: Josiehenley
Title: A snowy romance

Mechanics:5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall: 8/10

Comment: Good imagery like it, I think more focus on characters though. Good job.

Score: 17/20

Leon of Prussia
Title: Names

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall: 9/10

Comment: Very good work, intelligently written.

Score: 19/20

User: Gary_wagner
Title: Wilfred and Rosie

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall: 9/10

Comment: Good job Gary, tone was great.

Score: 19/20

User: Nytelyfe
Title: The savior

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall: 10/10

Comment: Awesome, flash backs could have been labeled better, but it was done very well. On a personal note, I am so trying that confession.

Score: 19/20

good job everyone.

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  #2  
Old 03-02-2007, 08:18 AM
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Congratulations, Leon of Prussia. Thank you, judges for your time and effort.
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Old 03-02-2007, 11:29 AM
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.

Last edited by Leon of Prussia; 03-01-2014 at 09:17 PM..
  #4  
Old 03-03-2007, 05:10 PM
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Leon, congrats, but get yourself a little humility. :P

Congrats to everybody in this contest. These were probably the best overall submissions I've seen for a long time: everybody's a winner, really.
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Old 03-06-2007, 06:43 AM
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Thanks to the judges for the comments, very useful. I appreciate the sentiment about the confusion as to Moon Wolfe’s gender (I do this deliberately in a lot of my writing) and maybe I’ll be clearer in the future! Congrats to Leon.
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Old 03-09-2007, 01:16 AM
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Congratulations Leon of Prussia – 18.571 - Nicely done.
Nice writing.
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Old 03-09-2007, 01:20 AM
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I've had a read of 'Names' and can see why it won. Good writing, congrats Leon.
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