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Contest Results | Flash | Body Part (June 2008)

 
 
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Old 06-27-2008, 08:07 AM
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Default Contest Results | Flash | Body Part (June 2008)


Congratulations to aprilrain for winning this month's flash contest!

aprilrain -- 19.7
OnceUponATime -- 18.8
awford -- 18.5
Winterbite -- 17.4
W. K. Freely -- 15.9
Lost Traveler -- 15.7
SynonymousWords -- 12.9
~WishfulWriter~ -- 12.8


Originally Posted by Q Wands View Post
[FONT=Verdana]This was a little difficult. Although we did not specifically say ‘prose’, the maximum word limit of 300 should have been a clue, as that would have allowed a longish poem – which could hardly qualify as ‘flash’. So I deducted points for poetry entries.

On the other hand, I seldom dish out perfect scores, so maybe we all better sit down…

****************************************
Member Name: ~WishfulWriter~
Title: The Locks

Mechanics: 3.5/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Comments: A reasonable poem, though you seem to be missing a word in the first line: her hair does what gracefully? Also, while hair is an adornment, it is not a body part in the same way as an arm or an ear. Perhaps that is why your poem seems more concerned with the person as a whole, and not the specific part we asked for.

Score: 13.5/20
****************************************
Member Name: aprilrain
Title: Family Secrets

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 10/10

Comments: I’m not one for doling out perfect scores, but not only is this technically faultless, it is an exemplar of how much can be conveyed in only a few words. Kudos.

Score: 20/20
****************************************
Member Name: awford
Title: The Tactile Dactyl

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 10/10

Comments: No nits, and I loved the humour you incorporated into this, whilst reminding us of that often overlooked, but oh so essential set of digits at the end of each arm. Bravo!

Score: 20/20
****************************************
Member Name: W. K. Freely
Title: Legs in the Closet

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Comments: An interesting take on the theme since you opted to write about the absence of your chosen part(s). I thought this worked well, but a little tweaking could bring this up another notch. Even so, well done.

Score: 16/20
****************************************
Member Name: SynonymousWords
Title: The wrenching of the soul

Mechanics: 3.5/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Comments: Not really sure which body part this is meant to be about: the cut wrist, the broken heart? The title references the soul, but that is not a body part. So a poem, not really about a body part. Not much else to say.

Score: 13.5/20
****************************************
Member Name: OnceUponATime
Title: Impact

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 10/10

Comments: Another sterling entry, perfectly written in every way. The almost philosophical observations of feet are a stroke of pure brilliance. Marvellous!

Score: 20/20
****************************************
Member Name: Winterbite
Title: Beauty….Spiderlike….Useful too!

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 10/10

Comments: Another take on fingers but from a slightly different perspective. Yours have certainly done you proud, tapping this out and ensuring there were no errors to boot. Bravo!

Score: 20/20
****************************************
Member Name: Lost Traveler
Title: Guts

Mechanics: 3.5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 9/10

Comments: There were more errors than a short piece such as this should have. On the other hand, it was a very original take on the theme, and appealed to my love of humour and the macabre. So a good effort, but it should have done better than this.

Score: 16.5/20
Originally Posted by Devon View Post
Member: Wishful Writer

Title: The Locks
Mechanics: 3.5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10
Comments: I like the contradictory elements you've presented here. However, there seems to be a missing word at the beginning and some missing punctuation around the same area, and it's set in poem form, but otherwise this is a nice piece.
Score: 15.5/20


Member: April Rain
Title: Family Secrets
Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4.5/5
Overall Impression: 9/10
Comments: This piece was written very well, grammatically perfect in every respect. Though many body parts were mentioned, it ultimately it boiled down to one: the nose. The secret hidden within added a nice bit of spice to it, as well.
Score: 18.5/20


Member: Awford
Title: The Tactile Dactyl
Mechanics: 4.5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 9/10
Comments: This was great! It described fingers perfectly and gave creative examples of how they're used. I also liked the implication of our thinking ourselves deities because of our opposable thumbs. A few grammatical errors here and there lost you a few points, but overall a nicely written piece.
Score: 18.5/20


Member: W.K. Freely
Title: Legs in the Closet
Mechanics: 3.5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10
Comments: Interesting introspection there. I did enjoy the connection between his sawing off the trophy's legs in anger over the loss of his own legs. It was a very clever way of leading the reader to think one thing, while meaning another. A few grammatical errors lost you a few points, but overall an enjoyable piece.
Score: 15.5/20


Member: SynonmousWords
Title: The Wrenching of the Soul
Mechanics: 3.5/5
Intangibles: 3.5/5
Overall Impression: 7/10
Comments: This piece didn't clearly give a body part, as per the theme, though I noticed you'd mentioned the heart a couple of times. Though dark and interesting, this didn't quite hit the mark for me.
Score: 14/20


Member: OnceUponATime
Title: Impact
Mechanics: 4.5/5
Intangibles: 4.5/5
Overall Impression: 9/10
Comments: This was quite enjoyable. How true the amount of abuse the feet have to go through and you've managed to state this clearly in this piece. Great job.
Score: 18/20


Member: Winerbite
Title: Beauty . . . Spiderlike . . . and Useful, too!
Mechanics: 4.5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 8.5/10
Comments: Indeed, the fingers do a lot, especially for people involved in the arts, and you've done a great job of conveying this. I particularly liked your title; I never thought of my hands/fingers as spiderlike, until now! Nice piece.
Score: 18/20


Member: Lost Traveler
Title: Guts
Mechanics: 3.5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7.5/10
Comments: What an interesting way to repay heavy debts! Makes me wonder just how far this character is willing to go. A few grammatical errors cost you, but overall a nicely gruesome short you've let us sink our teeth into.
Score: 15/20
Originally Posted by chloe.spencer View Post
Member: Wishful Writer
Title: The Locks

Mechanics
: 3/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 5/5

Comments
: Although I felt the ending of this piece was gorgeous, you got off to a rough start and the inconsistent punctuation really pulled your score down. Having said that, I think you should consider posting this in the poetry forum for feedback, as it could be polished into a fine little poem.

Score
: 11/20

-----

Member: Aprilrain
Title: Family Secrets

Mechanics
: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 10/10

Comments
: This was a gorgeous piece, very cleverly narrowing the story down to one body part, and throwing in a twist for good measure. I also liked the way you introduced and described the main character, not just her appearance, but her personality too. One of my favourites.

Score
: 20/20

-----

Member: Awford
Title: The Tactile Dactyl

Mechanics
: 4/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Comments
: This made me laugh out loud, awford. I especially liked the way you focused on one, then two, then three fingers and so on. Came together nicely at the end, but I noticed two errors (phalanges instead of phalanx and it's instead of its) and so you lost points for that.

Score
: 17/20

-----

Member: W.K. Freely
Title: Legs in the Closet

Mechanics
: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Comment
: I thought the parallel drawn here between the trophy and the character's pre-accident body was great, although I would have liked it to be a little more fleshed out, with more suspense. However, you did well for such a short piece.

Score
: 15/20

-----

Member: SynonymousWords
Title: The Wrenching of the Soul

Mechanics
: 3/5
Intangibles: 2/5
Overall Impression: 6/10

Comments
: I was a little confused as to how this fit into the theme, so you lost points there. However, I did like that you tried to be somewhat inventive with spacing and line breaks. I think the third paragraph really let you down here, SW; too many instances of her, and a doubling up of tore.

Score
: 11/20

-----

Member: Once Upon A Time
Title: Impact

Mechanics
: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Comments
: This was an interesting piece; although I can't say that it struck a chord with me, it was beautifully written and contained some wonderful images. I particularly liked 'a tactile record of every place I've ever been'. Well done.

Score
: 17/20

-----

Member: Winterbite
Title: Beauty.. Spiderlike.. Useful too!

Mechanics
: 4/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 5/10

Comments
: Despite the fact that I found the sentiments in this beautiful, I thought your voice (so to speak) faltered at times, and that was jarring. The exclamation marks made the rather serene language seem a little rushed. It was well-written though.

Score
: 12/20

-----

Member: Lost Traveller
Title: Guts

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Comments: This sets up the scene well, and pulled me in straight away, However, it really needed a clean up before submission, and that cost you. The idea was great though, it really left me wondering about the main character.

Score: 15/20
Originally Posted by Nemesis View Post
****************************************
Member Name
: ~WishfulWriter~
Title: The Locks

Mechanics: 3.5/5
Intangibles: 2/5
Overall Impression: 6/10

Comments: I like what you're trying to say with this, which is captured in that last line. You seem to have missed a word in the opening line however. Also, poetry was not what was called for in this contest, so I had to take away marks there.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=magenta]
Score: 11.5/20
****************************************
Member Name: aprilrain
Title: Family Secrets

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 10/10

Comments: Wow. No mistakes, and a fascinating read.

Score: 20/20
****************************************
Member Name: awford
Title: The Tactile Dactyl

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 10/10

Comments: I liked, no, I loved the title. Technically, it was sound. Very creative, and fun to read.

Score: 20/20
****************************************
Member Name: W. K. Freely
Title: Legs in the Closet

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Comments: Very interesting. I think that for the space you had to work with it was well done. And I like that you went with a part that missing. Still, I think that this could have been delivered a little smoother. There's something clunky about the second paragraph.

Score: 17/20
****************************************
Member Name: SynonymousWords
Title: The wrenching of the soul

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Comments: I enjoyed this, I really did, but for the purposes of this contest, it misses the mark. Sorry.

Score: 13.5/20
****************************************
Member Name: OnceUponATime
Title: Impact

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 10/10

Comments: Who am I to critique something like this? Your use of metaphores coupled with the lyrical style of your writing is simply beautiful.

Score: 20/20
****************************************
Member Name: Winterbite
Title: Beauty….Spiderlike….Useful too!

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 10/10

Comments: At first I wanted to dock marks due to the use of fingers again... until I read it. Well done, and with out errors. That, and I dig your philosphical view on the importance of fingers. This was super.

Score: 20/20
****************************************
Member Name: Lost Traveler
Title: Guts

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 9/10

Comments: Very creative. But I think that something that is to be entered into a contest should have less errors than this. Still, I did enjoy it.

Score: 16/20
Originally Posted by Icarus View Post
Member: ~WishfulWriter~
Title: The Locks

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 3.5/5
Overall Impression: 6/10

An interesting observation at the end, but the beginning stumbled a little for me.

Score: 12.5/20

*****

Member: aprilrain
Title: Family Secrets

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 10/10

Really, really delightful. So complete and so concise. I absolutely loved it.

Score: 20/20

*****

Member: awford
Title: The Tactile Dactyl

Mechanics: 4.5/5
Intangibles: 4.5/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Very nice work. You had some great examples and I enjoyed the importance you assigned to these unassuming appendages.

Score: 17/20

*****

Member: W.K. Freely
Title: Legs in the Closet

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Kudos on going with the absence of a body part. Very interesting, though perhaps in need of a bit of polishing and smoothing.

Score: 16/20

*****

Member: SynonymousWords
Title: The wrenching of the soul

Mechanics: 3.5/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 6/10

Missed the mark on the body part, I think. The poem was more about a whole self than a part.

Score: 12.5/20

*****

Member: OnceUponATime
Title: Impact

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 9/10

Though this was wonderfully written and a very good example of flash, it didn't quite draw me in; I'm not sure why.

Score: 19/20

*****

Member: Winterbite
Title: Beauty....Spiderlike....Useful too!

Mechanics: 4.5/5
Intangibles: 4.5/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

I'm not a fan of exclamation marks, though I thought yours did little damage. Very nice work.

Score: 17/20

*****

Member: Lost Traveler
Title: Guts

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 4.5/5
Overall Impression: 8.5/10

Kudos for being creative and taking this prompt in an unusual direction. I really liked the scene and character you created in a short space. However, a few errors have cost you.

Score: 16/20

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  #2  
Old 06-27-2008, 09:00 AM
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Congrats, aprilrain! That's my buddy
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  #3  
Old 06-27-2008, 09:04 AM
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Ha, thanks, awford! You all gave me a run for my money. Great entries. I'm looking forward to the next one!

Thank you, judges, for your hard work.
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Old 06-27-2008, 09:12 AM
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There were some great entries for this, but it was a well deserved win, April! Have a...
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  #5  
Old 06-27-2008, 01:04 PM
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Whats that? Somebody else did fingers? Ah yes...there it is. Man, thought I was being original! I got some pretty good feedback though, I think only Chloe.E.Spencer docked me a significant amount, and I got some flak about exclamation points...better watch my excitement in the future

You judges sure work hard at this. Nice, detailed reports for everybody. My gracious thanks to all ye hard working individuals!
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  #6  
Old 06-27-2008, 03:05 PM
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Congrats, AprilRain! Terrific entry! Thanks also to the judges who take the time to read all of these entries and offer their thoughtful opinions. Much appreciated,

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Last edited by OnceUponATime; 06-27-2008 at 03:10 PM..
  #7  
Old 06-28-2008, 05:42 AM
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Echo the above

So congrats april *hands april a diferent cookie*

Thanks judges for the effort, and good luck to the rest of you for next time.
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  #8  
Old 06-28-2008, 11:32 PM
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Congratulations, April. It was a great piece. =)
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  #9  
Old 06-29-2008, 05:24 PM
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Congratulations Aprilrain!

Thanks much for the errors comment. It was a lazy job for someone who would try to enter into the contest. I was in a frantic scramble to submit it.

On a side note, I do enjoy these Flash fictions!
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Last edited by Lost Traveler; 06-29-2008 at 05:39 PM..
 

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