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The Poet-Prince

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  #1  
Old 07-09-2014, 01:32 PM
JoeMatt (Offline)
 
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Default The Poet-Prince


Lacking a patron (for none would have him)
the Poet-Prince mounts his own show and
foists it on the captive audience of tone-deaf sycophants
and car-wreck curious.

He inhales the noxious vapors of phony adulation
and so intoxicated, he humps the stage in a frantic,
orgasmic fury of self-delusion.

"My show is staged!" he crows, between
stilted sonnets, gratuitous guffaws,
predictable plot-turns and mediocre monologues.

The gathered, eyes glazed by the ghastly glow
of borrowed limelight, sit slack-jawed and dazed
by the barrage of banality
and onslaught of pretentious hoo-haw.

The show ends (mercifully)
and the Poet-Prince, exhausted
by the many preordained and automatic curtain calls,
takes his final bow and floats from the stage
on the enormous gas-bag of false approval.

Outside the gilded, makeshift theater,
discerning throngs rush past the slap-dash marquee
in a tidal wave of indifference.

Deaf to the roar of their collective yawns,
the exalted hack slumbers soundly, blanketed by reams
of self-penned praise on the fluffy featherbed
of his outsized ego, dreaming of his fantastic, hollow triumph.

All hail the Poet-Prince!


Last edited by JoeMatt; 07-10-2014 at 12:25 PM..
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  #2  
Old 07-09-2014, 02:21 PM
Lon Palmer (Offline)
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Lacking a patron (for none would have him)
the Poet-Prince mounts his own show and
foists it on the captive audience of tone-deaf sycophants
and car-wreck curious.
I would be tempted to omit the parenthetic explanation and allow the poem to make the reader slowly aware of the poet' slack of success. I also wonder about "sycophants" and wonder if simply "the tone deaf" might not be better.

He inhales the noxious vapors of phony adulation
and so intoxicated, he humps the stage in a frantic,
orgasmic fury of self-delusion.
I would omit "noxious", the second "he" and something in "in a frantic,
orgasmic fury of self-delusion" as it us veering towards purple, and "frantic . . . fury" feels redundant.

"My show is staged!" he crows, between
stilted sonnets, gratuitous guffaws,
predictable plot-turns and mediocre monologues.
Would he "crow" that? Out loud? In front of the audience? I would have thought that he would think that.

The gathered, eyes glazed by the ghastly glow
of borrowed limelight, sit slack-jawed and dazed
by the barrage of banality
and onslaught of pretentious hoo-haw.
I accepted the awful alliteration in the previous stanza because I felt that it's emulated the stink-awful poetry of the "Prince", but does it fit in A stanza about the audience? Just asking.

The show ends (mercifully)
and the poet-prince, exhausted
by the many preordained and automatic curtain calls,
takes his final bow and floats from the stage
on the enormous gas-bag of false approval.
I don't think that you are trusting the reader here: it feels overdone. I would omit "(mercifully)", "preordained", and possibly change the final "the" to "an".

Outside the gilded, makeshift theater,
discerning throngs rush past the slap-dash marquee
in a tidal wave of indifference.

The last two lines are brilliant, but I wonder if the verb clashes with the final adjective. Rushing out sounds like something other than indifference. What about "swells?"

Deaf to the roar of their collective yawns,
the exalted hack slumbers soundly, blanketed by reams
of self-penned praise on the fluffy featherbed
of his outsized ego, dreaming of his fantastic, hollow triumph.

All hail the Poet-Prince!
Omit the last line?

Last edited by Lon Palmer; 07-09-2014 at 02:47 PM..
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Old 07-09-2014, 02:25 PM
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Lon -- thanks for reading.

Hmm. I guess I meant they were rushing past because they had more pressing things to do -- but that's a really good thought and it could work.
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Old 07-09-2014, 03:11 PM
Lon Palmer (Offline)
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I added to it in an edit
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Old 07-09-2014, 04:03 PM
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Originally Posted by Lon Palmer View Post
I added to it in an edit
Lon, I was multi-tasking when I last replied and didn't see your full critique. I'll definitely get back to you -- thanks!
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Old 07-09-2014, 06:53 PM
JustcallmeEd (Offline)
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I think the last line fits perfectly with the Poet's overblown sense of his own importance.
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Old 07-09-2014, 11:25 PM
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Originally Posted by JoeMatt View Post
Lacking a patron (for none would have him) (I think I quite like the paraethesis, here. It lowers the tone and tonicity to almost a whisper)
the Poet-Prince mounts his own show and
foists it on the captive audience of tone-deaf sycophants
and car-wreck curious. (Love these descriptions)


He inhales the noxious vapors of phony adulation
and so intoxicated, he humps the stage in a frantic, (Good)
orgasmic fury of self-delusion.

"My show is staged!" he crows, between
stilted sonnets, gratuitous guffaws,
predictable plot-turns and mediocre monologues.

The gathered, eyes glazed by the ghastly glow (This one seems a little forced for aliteration sake, do you have any better adjective? I knowyou're portrayingthe pompous attitude, but it doesn't feel as grand and expressive as other word choices)
of borrowed limelight, sit slack-jawed and dazed
by the barrage of banality
and onslaught of pretentious hoo-haw.

The show ends (mercifully)
and the poet-prince, exhausted (missing capitals on 'P-P')
by the many preordained and automatic curtain calls,
takes his final bow and floats from the stage
on the enormous gas-bag of false approval. (Excellent)

Outside the gilded, makeshift theater,
discerning throngs rush past the slap-dash marquee
in a tidal wave of indifference.

Deaf to the roar of their collective yawns,
the exalted hack slumbers soundly, blanketed by reams
of self-penned praise on the fluffy featherbed
of his outsized ego, dreaming of his fantastic, hollow triumph. (There's sadness there that he recognises it!)

All hail the Poet-Prince!
Yep, I agree with Ed that this does across the self-importance, but I wonder if it also addresses the fear that most writers have; that what they do won't get noticed and they're left talking to thin air, with those passing by either notcaring or snorting at the arrogance. *Winces*
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Old 07-09-2014, 11:49 PM
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"Yep, I agree with Ed that this does across the self-importance, but I wonder if it also addresses the fear that most writers have; that what they do won't get noticed and they're left talking to thin air, with those passing by either not caring or snorting at the arrogance. *Winces*"

Yes, the tyro must run the poetic snoot gauntlet. Part of getting to wear the big pants. I get the standard lectures about enjambment and word choice and line-breaks, ad nauseum. I do admire the intentions of the vastly learned, but then I think, why don't you fucking write the stupid thing? Oh, that's right; you didn't create the content and meaning.

Somewhere in the recesses of my supposed mind, I seem to sense that great poets and painters and musicians all broke the obsessive rules. Can't imagine why. Hasn't helped me much. Time to stop trying to write what others expect.

Insightful work, Joe, with your usual sly, almost hidden barbs. Enjoyed. Oh, and keep writing.
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Last edited by Franklin; 07-09-2014 at 11:52 PM..
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Old 07-10-2014, 12:18 AM
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heh. yeah, the parroting and pandering, the terminally-polite mutual admiration society does tend to become rather stunted and irrelevant fairly quickly ...
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Old 07-10-2014, 12:42 AM
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So much...imagery.
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Old 07-10-2014, 05:27 AM
Lon Palmer (Offline)
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Originally Posted by JustcallmeEd View Post
I think the last line fits perfectly with the Poet's overblown sense of his own importance.
Of course it does.

I am suggesting, however, that trusting the reader increases the contrast between the narrative voice and the poet-prince's voice, throwing the bombast of the p-p into sharper relief.

It's a subtlety that would be beyond the p-p, so I toss it out there for whatever it's worth.
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