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The Sensual Program: or Safe-Sex with Androids

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Old 03-24-2017, 08:49 AM
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Default The Sensual Program: or Safe-Sex with Androids


Ever try to get an android to shit in your mouth? They've programmed out the squatting and crouching functions well enough. Even mastered the vocal sequences--the groans, the moans, the dirty talk. Getting manufactured fecal matter to a steaming 98.6 is another matter altogether. There's just some jobs a robot can't do.

Similar problems transpired with the Roman IX models. Testers reported that the robotic jaw action of the fellatio sequence was spot on--even the simulated gag reflexes--but ultimately they felt like they were sticking their dicks into a bowl of warm salt water. Antithetical, yes, but the point of the project was to replicate desired human interactions without the constraint of conflicting mores and societal norms.

The Roman IXs, the Galaxy 3012s, the Nubes 37--all of them--they look and feel human, but they're not. That's the point. They have no feelings, no dreams about their lives, no sense of personal identity, and no rights. You can do whatever you want with them. They're just machines. They serve you. With any need you may have. Take Pocahontas here. Go on and smack here. Smack her! You're not gonna hurt her. See! See how she pouts and puckers. Pocahontas will tie you a chair. Pour oil all over you. Light incense. Your wife won't do that, because she's not stupid. But Pocahontas...she doesn't give a shit.

It's not all mindless fucking and fantasy here. There's real societal value. It's a way for people scratch and soothe all the untouched urges without violating someone's rights. You can't rape a robot. Its will is whatever yours is. Take Altar Boy JR-12 over here. It's saved at least a dozen churches from lawsuits this year alone.

The point is that whatever you want you can get with only as much back-talk as you desire. But it's the messy little extras that gives us problems. Like how do you get a robot menstruate? What! Like you've never fucked a girl when she was on her rag? For our beta Taster series we formulated food products for bodily secretions. Shit = hot fudge; blood = strawberry preserves; cum = peach yogurt. Yes, peach! Don't judge me!

During the first phase, the testers responded well to the food products. It wasn't until later that we started to see unintended consequences. One of our testers went out to dinner with his wife. Took one bite of his hot fudge sundae and BAM! Raging hard-on. Like 12-hour Viagra level hard-on. Had to go home and put an ice-pack on it. Another went into a donut shop, took one bite of a strawberry roll, and started to masturbate right there in the shop. Had to kick him out of the program.

The Taster Series wasn't the only setback. Our S&M series was a complete disaster. For starts our programs didn't entirely "get" the concept of Safe Words. The bigger issue was the robot's ability to recognize bad ideas and mitigate degrees of scope. If you give a robot a whip, it doesn't truly understate that you're not really looking for it beat the hell out of you. Master-slave relationships are nightmare for our legal department. I mean you told the robot to kidnap you and tie a rope around your sac. What did you expect?

So, we're left with something rather primal that we're trying overcome in our laboratories. I mean the real reason for any creature to have sex is ostensibly to reproduce, but that's not why people fuck. We're not trying to have a baby each and every time. We fuck because it feels amazing. All of dopamine, endorphins and opiates our bodies release during orgasm is nature's way of tricking us into doing the most disgusting things. If you felt absolutely nothing when you had an orgasm--if it was just like bending over and trying your shoes--absolutely no one would do it. The species would die off. I mean are you gonna let me blow snot on your fingers? Hell, no! Not unless it felt really really really good. If your body made you feel like Thor every time my snot got on your fingers, you'd do it every time. Fuck being gross. You'd be showing up at my place all "ya think ya have a cold coming on? Here sniff some of this black pepper." We're all civilized drug addicts when ya think about it?

But I digress. How do we get this android to shit in my mouth?

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Old 03-24-2017, 04:10 PM
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I think the easiest solution would be to keep a sack of human feces in the android's rump with heating equipment to keep it at the desired temperature and then it can dispense it upon command. Kind of like a really gross soft-serve ice cream machine. ;-)
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Old 03-24-2017, 08:05 PM
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I enjoyed reading this. Mostly because I'm a sick bastard who thinks this shit is funny. Yeah, I do.

So far this is a vignette, not a short story. Not flash either. Maybe that's your intention, dunno. Nothing wrong with that.

I'd like to see a short story, or (god forbid) a novel or novella from this.

What's missing for that, and I did miss it and wish it were here, is motivation for the narrator. We get no sense of why he is telling us what he tells us. He is ranting about this topic, obviously having some connection to this industry, but the reader gets no indication why. Is he a disgruntled employee? A failed entrepreneur? A pitch man? What's his motivation?

Anyway, a fun read.
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Old 03-25-2017, 05:15 PM
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Thank you. Most of my stuff is wacky absurdist pieces like this. Stuff you can't really take too seriously. Like Sharknado. An operations manager explaining to a consultant what they do in their android factory and some of the problems he's having. He's a bit disgruntled in his job and frustrated with androids in general. I tend to write in short little vignettes like this. One, I really suck at plot development. Two, I tend to think that long fiction's dead. Having said that, I 'll consider fleshing it out to at least flash fiction.
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Old 03-25-2017, 08:32 PM
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As writers I think we are somewhere in a big junkyard of what has been. Like you say, long form fiction is mostly dead. There's still porn, romance (porn lite), and smash-bang-kaboom! escapism. But the art of the novel reached its peak some time ago. Short stories are in direct conflict with the super-fast gratification of the tweet and the response. The immediacy of it. Flash is also weird because it presumes a desire for art that may not be there. "Oh, you're an arty fucker, ain't yuh?"

Maybe you can usher in the new thing with this kinda stuff.
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