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Dead Parrot Society

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  #1  
Old 08-26-2012, 08:28 AM
Tor
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Default Dead Parrot Society


The Dead Parrot Society
 
Dead Parrot? - Yes, indeed! As you may recall back sometime ago there was a comedy group called Monty Python who did quirky "off the wall" improvisational sketches. One of their most well known sketches involved the sale of a dead parrot. Bear with me, there is a point to all this.


In the sketch a man comes back into a pet shop to complaining he was just sold a dead parrot. The salesman tells him that the bird which was clearly dead was in fact not dead - just resting. The customer points out that the bird is nailed to his perch in the cage. The salesman counters that the parrot is nailed to the perch so that he will not fly away. Well, to shorten it up, the customer continues pointing out all of the evidence that the bird is dead and the salesman continues to deny the evidence no matter how compelling the argument to the contrary. As this goes on the customer becomes more and more frustrated and agitated and finally begins to bang the bird on the counter while yelling "the Bird is Dead!…Dead!!…Dead!!!…..". At this point, the salesman calmly looks at the customer and says, "Well, yes, now".


My first response was a short burst of laughter. It then occurred to me that I had been to that pet shop - many times. Indeed my whole life people have been trying to sell me dead birds. "This spanking is going to hurt me more than it hurts you." - Hmmmm. "These carrots taste like candy" - I still hate carrots. "After the surgery you can have all the ice cream you want." - Who wants ice cream after surgery?


Not only from childhood have I been sold dead parrots but also I have been taught to sell them to others. Often this takes the form of the "White Lie". Telling people how smart, thin, attractive or whatever even when no reasonable person would agree that any of those things were the case. It seems polite society is populated by accomplished liars and in fact, that polite society could not exist without them.


We were taught not to say Aunt Blanch smells funny. But instead of saying nothing we were taught to "kill the parrot" by saying something like - "Aunt Blanch what nice perfume you are wearing." - ("Evening in Parrot?" - or is that Paris, one forgets.)
And then there are the parrots that are self-serving - "I am so skilled that I can not help but win" (even though I know I have limited skills.) Or D.P.’s that serve our bosses - "You are so smart that I believe everything you tell me." (even when we don’t believe a word of it.) How about those birds served up by politicians - "I will increase all your governmental benefits and none of it will cost a cent." - (Oh yea,- right). All of this gives new meaning to the phrase - giving someone the Bird.


The list of types of dead parrots is endless and more are added to it everyday. With more and more technology and less social skills to interfere with it, Dead parrots can be e-mailed and texted and any other number of ways be sent around the world instantaneously. No one anywhere is safe from the dead or dying birds.


So what! (you say). You believe that you know whether a parrot is alive or dead in all cases - Do you really? And if you don’t always know - Is that so bad? To quote from an old movie - Have you ever been stung by a dead bee?
I submit to you that not knowing the status of the parrots presented to you can be horrendous and that the longer you don’t know the worse it gets. If you don’t suffer the tooth being filled, eventually they all will need to be pulled. E.D.P.D. (Early Dead Parrot Detection) is essential to successful living. That doesn’t mean that you won’t be required to "feed" some dead bird (more on that subject to come) but it is important to know which are dead while you are doing it.


But who can you depend on to stand up and point them out to you? Who can you turn to in times of confusion? There are few in this world that possess the perceptiveness and fortitude needed to identify the status of the parrots in our lives. There exists an organization that is committed to the identification and communication of this bird data - "The Dead Parrot Society". This semi-secret society has existed since the dawn of "sometime" but as "knowing" is not always labeled as a "good thing" it has remained in the shifting shadows until now.


Given the current situation of the world it may be the time has come for full disclosure. We shall see…… more to come….

D. Parrot Speaks


Last edited by Tor; 09-01-2012 at 09:46 AM.. Reason: to make it more readable
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  #2  
Old 08-31-2012, 07:37 AM
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Tor, I absolutely love this!
Monty Python: a vehicle for social consciousness...who knew?

To be honest, I can't be sure whether your style of thinking and mine share some kind of synchronicity or that your delivery is just that good!

Either way, it doesn't matter. All I need to know is How do I sign up for the DPS and are there any dues involved?

P.S. You might want to incorporate double spacing between paragraphs for easier readability.
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Old 09-01-2012, 09:52 AM
Tor
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Default Dead Birds

Abdula,
I'm glad it made sence to you. (That is the first requirement to membership - I'm not sure there are others) The only dues that are required are the costs that explaining dead parrots can cause - eg. loss of friends,family and others who will not like to hear your message. As far as I am concerned (and I am a founding father or something like that) You are a member of the DPS and probably have been for years.
Tor

PS thanks for the tip -I think it does read better. If anyone but us reads it or "gets" it
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Old 09-01-2012, 12:54 PM
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This is very good. Monty Python was a favorite of Agnetha Faltskog's of ABBA. I met Agnetha during ABBA's 1979 tour, and we talked about them.
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Old 09-01-2012, 10:40 PM
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You gave me a laugh and had me thinking on how many of those birds I handed out before I even knew they were Dead Parrots.

I smiled at some I remembered and some I regret.

And I do believe I've been dealt them too, not many escape my attention anymore though. (I've become a doubter of men, a good way of catching the buggers. DP's)

Anyway, well done. Thanks for posting.

Edit:
I'll nominate this.
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Old 09-03-2012, 07:35 AM
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Luckyme,
Glad you got it and yes we all do have a stack of dead birds some we gave some we got and some we don't remember.
I have found it is good doubt (at least safer) but at time I wish I could just not see the DB's - but too late for that now.
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Old 09-04-2012, 10:20 PM
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I don't think I stopped smiling from the first paragraph to the last. Your little essay pretty much sums up much of what I think about our society- we lie, lie often, and somehow, we aren't terribly good at it. We are absurd in our beliefs, in the efforts we make to get others to believe it, too (and to justify our own belief in it!), and we stubbornly resist the presentation of fact and logic as if they were utter poison.

I see it the strongest among Tea-party Republicans, Climate-Change Deniers, "Intelligent" Design and the Religious Right...

And people wonder why I'm an atheist.

Now I want to design a t-shirt for the Dead Parrot Society!

Off-topic, but sort of related; am I wrong to have immediately thought of the "The Dead Poet Society", too? That story had a similar feel to it in the sense of slapping down the lies we get fed by our schools and society, and the fight against a sanitised, bland-as-dishwater, little-pink-houses suburban, conformist world. Who hasn't had enough of status-seeking conformity? I know I have!
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Old 09-05-2012, 03:53 AM
Tor
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Default Dps

Auntibodhi,

The DPS is truly (at its best) non-political. No matter what side (or sides one is on). We all look at the biggest dead bird in the universe when we look in the mirror. It is part of being human and rational (we can rationalize anything - including our rightness and others wrongness). eg. the rich actors (people who make a living pretending to be someone else ) give away enough of their way too much money to keep the majority of it and then feel empowered to preach to the masses how we should live - talk about a huge pile of decaying birds.

The DPS has a rubber stamp for marking documents, a universal sign language sign for use in meetings where dead parrots might be pushed, and other things need to preform our functions but no t-shirt as yet. Would be interested to see what you would make.

You are right, the name Dead Parrot Society is a referance to the movie for some of the reasons you suggest.

Glad you get it - more to come - next - DPS: Family Birds
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Old 09-06-2012, 05:44 AM
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Gosh, you know, I've never had anyone try to fool me, or lie to me, or take advantage of me in any way.

Still, your piece is quite delightful and I would love to comment further but I must hurry and send some money to a poor widow lady in Nigeria. You won't believe what a strange problem she has. She needs my help.
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Old 09-06-2012, 08:40 AM
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Default parrotoculitis

Ricardo GR,
It sounds like you may be suffering from Parrotoculisits(commonly knows as dead bird's syndrome) which causes one to loose the ability to see any dead parrots. The only known cure for which is a large dose of reality every hour of the day (the cure may be worse than the illness).
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Old 09-06-2012, 08:55 AM
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When I was a kid, I had a large cage occupied by seven sweet parakeets. In the summer, when the weather was nice, I'd carry the cage from the living room and place it onto the fire escape to give the birds fresh air. One afternoon, I came home and went to check on my birds to sadly discover that one had lifted the door with its beak and escaped.

Poor thing. I don't think it could have survived in the city too long. Go figure. The bird had a good home but still longed for freedom. I haven't had parakeets in years but this story brought back fond memories. Parakeets are extremely social birds and it saddens me when I see people who have only a single one in a cage. The poor bird must be so sad and lonely.
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Old 09-13-2012, 02:51 PM
Tor
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Default Shelly

A heart warming story about your birds - but as I suspect you know that the dead bird I am talking about is not the same thing - not even close . but that may be the deadest parrot yet.
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Old 09-13-2012, 04:02 PM
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Originally Posted by Tor View Post
A heart warming story about your birds - but as I suspect you know that the dead bird I am talking about is not the same thing - not even close . but that may be the deadest parrot yet.
I once had a baby sparrow die in my palm. The poor thing fell onto the sidewalk from its nest, located in a tree on the other side of a high wall. Without thinking I scooped up the baby bird (my intentions were to return it to its nest) but when I grabbed it, the poor thing died of fright. Bad move on my part. I wish I would have known young sparrows are extremely delicate--knowledge saves lives.

Last edited by Cityboy; 09-13-2012 at 06:54 PM..
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Old 09-14-2012, 02:53 PM
Tor
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Default Hi Shelly

The good that men do is oft intered with their bones while the evil lives after - knowledge of what birds are already dead saves even more, as long as you don't talk about it to the wrong people.
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