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Rise of The Scorpions (story one of the scorpion trilogy)

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Old 10-08-2012, 01:37 PM
Writingfan27 (Offline)
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Default Rise of The Scorpions (story one of the scorpion trilogy)


Plot. A string of unprovoked attacks by mutant creatures that turn out to be giant scorpions esclates to an all out conflict between them and the world's military forces.

Note. due to the size of this story, it will be posted one chapeter at a time and some chapters may be posted in multiple parts like part 1, part 2, etc.

Abbreviations
AFB Air Force Base
ATACM Army Tactical Missile System
AIM Air Intercept Missile
ASROC Anti-Submarine Rocket
ATGM Anti-Tank Guided Missile
ATFLIR Advanced Targeting Forward Looking Infrared
AWACS Airborne Warning And Control Systems.
BDA Battle Damage Assessment
BBXM Bunker Buster X Munition
CAS Close Air Support
CIWS Close In Weapon System
CBU Cluster Bomb Unit
C.O. Commanding Officer
CSAR Combat Search And Rescue
DEFCON Defense Condition
DU Depleted Uranium
ERAAM Extended Range Air to Air Missile
ETA Estimated Time of Arrival
FEMA Federal Emergency Management Agency
GPS Global Positioning System
HARM High speed Anti Radiation Missile
HEAT High Explosive Anti Tank
HIMARS High Mobility Artillery Rocket System
HUD Heads Up Display
IFDL In Flight Data Link
IRIST Infrared Imaging System Thrust vector controlled
JDAM Joint Direct Attack Munition
JASSM-ER Joint Air to Surface Standoff Missile Extended Range
JHMCS Joint Helmet Mounted Cueing System
JLTV Joint Light Tactical Vehicle
JSOW Joint Standoff Weapon
JSTARS Joint Surveillance Target Attack Radar System
LAV Light Armored Vehicle
MFD Multi Function Display
MLRS Multiple Launch Rocket Systems
MOP Massive Ordnance Penetrator
NORAD North American Aerospace Defense Command
RAF Royal Air Force
RTB Return To Base
SBR Space Based Radar
SDB Small Diameter Bomb
SLAM-ER Standoff Land Attack Missile Expanded Response
SMAW Shoulder Mounted Assault Weapon
SWORDS Special Weapons Observation Reconnaissance Detection System
TOW Tube launched Optically tracked Wire guided
UAV Unmanned Aerial Vehicle
VLS Vertical Launch System
XO Executive Officer

Table of Contents

Chapter 1 String of Incidents

Chapter 2 Emergence

Chapter 3 Scorpion War

Chapter 4 Final Showdowns

Chapter 5 Aftermath

String of Incidents
Year 2085.
Late night at a goldmine in the California desert, miners were hard at work drilling and digging for gold. One of the miners picked up a block of gold then placed it into a cart.

“We haven’t found much in the way of gold,” said the miner as he looked at the small amount of gold blocks in the cart.

“Relax, we will surely find more gold as we keep working,” his supervisor replied.

As the miners continued to work, they had absolutely no idea that a giant creature was making its way towards them.

In another sector of the mine, two workers placed some more gold blocks into a cart, bringing it to full capacity and the supervisor ordered one of the workers to take the cart to the machine so the gold could be cleaned off. But before the worker could move the cart, multiple screams were herd and a strange sound followed.

Alarmed by it all, the workers stopped what they were doing and ran to check out the situation.
About a minute later, the workers rushed into the sector where the screaming came from and found themselves facing a pair of giant red eyes.

The Next morning in Washington DC, the newly elected President of the United States, Andre Smith entered the White House Oval Office which was brightened by the morning sun that was shining through the window. President Smith stood in the center of the room and looked around as if to let the reality of being President set in, then sits at his desk and proceeds to open a folder that was already placed on his desk.

On Capital Hill, Commandant of the Marine Corps, General Mark Hughes was in a meeting with the Senate Armed Services Committee.

“We have given the go ahead for the construction of Fort Ryan and Camp Hughes to begin,” said the head of the Armed Services Committee.

“Very well and you should also understand that while myself along with my army counterpart, General Ryan have enjoyed the joint operations environment at Edwards Air Force Base, we believe that it is time for the Army and Marine units stationed at Edwards alongside the Air Force to have their own operating spaces,” General Hughes said.

“Another thing General, you and General Ryan should consider yourselves proud to have the honor of having these bases named after your fathers,” a committee member said.

“I am grateful for the honorable privilege and I’m sure General Ryan is as well,” Hughes replied.
Both of their fathers were generals that served many decades ago.

In Orchard City, Colorado, Luke Macy along with his seven year old son Rick were in the backyard of their home and Rick watched as his father removed the training wheels from his bike.

“Are you ready for your first bike ride without the training wheels?” Macy asked.

“Yes dad,” his son replied with enthusiasm as he hopped onto his bike.

“Now son since this is just your first ride without training wheels I’ll have you start out with just three circles around the yard.”

“Ok dad,” Rick said then his father let go of the bike and watched as his son proceeded to circle the yard.

“Hey Betty, he’s riding pretty good without the training wheels,” he shouted, then his wife Betty Hills came out into the backyard with a camera accompanied by their eight year old daughter Sarah as Rick brought his bike to a stop. “Nice riding son,” Macy said then proceeded to stand by Rick.

“Mom can I be in the picture too?” Sarah asked.

“Sure go right ahead,” Betty replied then Sarah went to join her father and brother. Once the three were in position and smiling, Betty took the picture.

“Well now I’m off to the market to get some food for the upcoming Macy/Hills cookout,” Betty said then headed towards the car.

“I’m coming with you,” Sarah said as she went to accompany her mother.

“Do you want to play catch dad?” Rick asked.

“Sure, I’ll go get the ball,” Macy replied.

Meanwhile in California, a group of hikers were walking along a trail in the Redwood Forest completely unaware that something was following them from beneath the surface.

Halfway into their walk, the hikers felt a strong rumble beneath their feet and began to panic thinking it was a earthquake.
But then, the creature came out of the ground and the hikers screamed in terror.

Somewhere above Utah, a prop plane pulls up after dusting a field.

“First field of the morning dusted and now it’s on to the next one,” the pilot said.

“It sure is a beautiful day for crop dusting and flying,” the copilot replied.
A few minutes into their flight, a streak of fire blows right by the planes left wing and a loud roar is heard.

“Where did that fire come from?” the pilot asked.

“That’s the least of our problems because there’s a giant creature closing on our tail,” the copilot shouted in a panicked tone of voice.

The pilot turns the joystick and increases speed in an effort to shake off the creature but it continued to chase the crop duster. As the chase went on, the prop plane makes a right turn and narrowly dodges another streak of of fire from the creature’s mouth.

“Anthony, your fancy flying is good but I doubt it’s going to save us from some fire breathing monster.”

“I think you’re right Keith,” Anthony replied as he turned on the radio. May day may day, this is Prosper Fields flight 313, we are under attack by some sort of giant flying creature over Prosper Fields, if anyone is getting this please send help. I repeat, this is Prosper Fields flight 313, we are under attack by a giant creature and requesting immediate assistance,” Anthony said again.

It felt like an eternity had passed before a voice came over the radio.

“Prosper Fields flight 313 this is Hill Air Force Base, we’ve received your distress call and are sending fighters to assist you.”

At Hill Air Force Base, two F-24s scrambled into the air and raced off
to save the crop duster.

“Flight 313 this is Hill, we have two fighters inbound to help you, is there anything our pilots need to know about your assailant?.”

“Yeah it’s big and it breathes fire,” Anthony shouted.

“The creature just snapped at our tail,” Keith shouted.

The two F-24s flew across the sunny Utah skies at high speed.

“Buzzard 1, the prop plane along with its assailant have been confirmed on my radar, range 118 miles.”

“Copy that Buzzard 2.”

“Buzzard flight this is base control, we have ordered Flight 313 to
turn its radio frequency to 3 5 7 8 so you should begin communicating with the aircraft soon.” Just then, Anthony’s voice came over Buzzard 1s radio.

“Are you Air Force pilots receiving me?”

“We hear you loud and clear,” Buzzard 1 replied.
“That’s great, now how about blowing this monster off our tail before it eats us for breakfast,” Anthony shouted.

“We have you on our radar and the creature as well,” Buzzard 1 said.

“Do you have a plan to save us?” Keith asked.

“Once we get within 97 miles will blast it with our missiles,” Buzzard 1 replied.

“You better carry out your plan soon because we can’t hold out forever,” Anthony said.

“Buzzard 1 we’re almost in attack range.”

“Roger Buzzard 2, arm ERAAM missiles and prepare to engage on my order.”

“Roger that,” Buzzard 2 replied. A minute later, the fighters were in range and acquired the creature.

“Target is locked, fox 3,” Buzzard 1 said then the two aircraft released two missiles from their weapon bays.

The unknown creature snapped at the plane again but missed and the chase continued. Just as the creature was about to snap at the prop plane again, four missiles impacted the beast and Keith looked back as their pursuer was engulfed in huge explosions.

“It looks like they nailed it,” he said then the two fighters came up alongside them.

“Thanks guys,” Anthony said.


Back in Orchard City, George Hills was driving his car down a residential street while listening to the news on the radio.

“This is Radio News at noon we begin our program with some breaking news. This morning over Utah, a routine crop dusting was anything but routine when the prop plane which belongs to Prosper Fields Crop Dusting came under attack by what was clearly a giant creature but thanks to quick acting on the part of the U.S. Air Force, the animal was easily destroyed and the crop duster was escorted back to its airport.
In other news, an extensive search is underway in California for a group of hikers that went missing in the Redwood Forest.”

“A lot can happen in one day,” Hills said as he brought his car to a stop in front of the Macy’s residence.

In the backyard, Macy and Rick were playing catch.

“Good catch son,” Macy said as his son threw the ball back to him.

“Can I join in?” said a voice then Macy and his son turned to see George Hills standing at the entrance of the backyard.

“Sure Hills come on in,” Macy replied then Hills entered the back yard.

“Hi Uncle George,” Rick said as he and his father approached him.

“Hey Rick,” Hills replied then turns his attention to Macy.

“So how have you been buddy?” he asked.

“Just fine and I have been enjoying my leave time pretty well,” Macy said.

“That’s good, anyway where’s my sister?” Hills asked.

“She and my daughter are currently out food shopping,” Macy said.

“Uncle George what do you do for a living?” Rick asked.

“I’m an Air Force pilot just like your father,” Hills replied.

“Cool,” Rick replied as Betty pulled up in the driveway.

In Washington DC, President Smith enters the Oval Office after returning from a meeting on Capital Hill only to find his National Security Advisor and his Air Force Chief of Staff waiting for him.

“Mr. President, I am General Christopher Kinsey and congratulations on becoming our nations first black president.”

“Thank you General, but I assume that is not the only reason you and the National Security Advisor have come here.”

“That’s right Mr. President, we came here to brief you on a situation that happened today,” Kinsey replied.

“At 10,00 hours today a crop duster came under attack over Utah by what can best be described as a giant creature but fighters scrambled from Hill Air Force Base managed to destroy it and the prop plane was escorted back to its airport,” the National Security Advisor explained.

“The crew of the crop duster was shaken up by the ordeal but are in good health,” Kinsey said.

“That’s all good news,” President Smith replied.

“After the conclusion of today’s skirmish, the Utah National Guard recovered the body of the creature along with some scattered remains and transported them to Area 51 for study,” the Security Advisor pointed out.

Back in the California desert, a helicopter landed near the goldmine and the CEO of the Goodwill Mining Company along with some staff members stepped out and walked towards the mine.

“How come there is no one here to welcome us?” the CEO asked as they entered the mine. A strange sound was heard an hour later as the sun started to set.

In the Kara Sea, a Russian Navy submarine was on its maiden voyage.

“Sir the reactor room just reported that reactor core levels are stable and normal,” said a technician.

“Very well, carry on,” Captain Chekov replied. About an hour into the voyage, something appeared on the sonar screen.

“Captain Chekov we just got a contact,” reported Lieutenant Boris.

“Is it one of our submarines?” Captain Chekov asked.

“Negative sir, we’re the only submarine in the area and the contacts signature is not of any ship or submarine that we know of and plus it has a very big signature,” Boris replied.

“Sir, we just got our digital imaging scanners online,” Lieutenant Sonya reported.

“Run a scan on the contact,” Chekov ordered. Once the scan was conducted, a digital image of a creature appeared on one of the monitors.

“Just what are we dealing with?” Chekov asked.

“Sir I think you should hear this,” said the acoustics officer then proceeded to turn up the speaker and the sound of the creature came through.

“The creature is approaching us,” Boris reported.
The huge creature approached the submarine and began to circle it. But then it decided to bite the sub and sparks flew in the operations room.

“Maximum speed, get us away from this thing,” Captain Chekov ordered.

“Sir, scanners indicate that we’re still intact but we do have some dents on the hull,” Lieutenant Sonya reported.

“The creature has begun to pursue us,” Lieutenant Boris said.
Even though the submarine had its attacker outpaced by a long shot, the creature continued to chase the sub. The submarine did a 180 and fired two torpedoes which adjusted their flight pattern and headed towards the target. As the submarine got further and further away from the creature, the torpedoes closed in and destroyed the creature.

“Target is destroyed sir,” Boris said.

At Area 51 in Nevada, a group of scientist was conducting research on the creature that was involved in the skirmish over Utah.

“Dr. Kelly we’ve ran an analysis on the body and discovered high levels of propane in this creature’s blood,” Dr. Whitmore said.

“What does this tell us about the creature?” Dr. Kelly asked.

“Two things, one it explains how this thing can breathe fire and due to the fact that we never find normal animals with propane in their blood systems, we can classify this thing as a mutation,” Dr. Whitmore replied.

“Just what kind of mutation?” Kelly asked.

“That may take a while to figure out because as you can see most of this creature’s body was destroyed which makes a visual identification out of the question so will have to run a DNA analysis,” another scientist said.

At the California State Police Station, Deputy Sutherland rushed into Captain Bob’s office.

“Excuse me Captain, we just lost contact with the unit in charge of the search and rescue operation being conducted in the Redwood Forest.”

“What do you mean?” Captain Bob asked.

“The helicopters conducting the search were about to conclude their search flights when the operating base reported being attacked by a large animal and that’s when all contact was lost,” Sutherland said.

“What about the helicopters?” Bob asked.


“We lost contact with them as well,” Sutherland replied.

The next morning in Washington D.C, President Smith entered the White House conference room for a meeting with the Chief of Naval Operations, Admiral Tony who was accompanied by three other naval officers.

“Good morning Mr. President,” Admiral Tony said.
“Morning Admiral, I assume this is another situation that needs my attention?” President Smith asked.

“Yes sir,” Tony replied.

“Then let’s begin,” Smith said. Once everyone took their seats, Admiral Tony turned on the big screen showing an image of a submarine.

“Last night the RNS Penza, the lead submarine in a new generation of Russian Navy attack submarine called the Penza class was conducting its shakedown cruise in the Kara Sea.”

“I take it there is more to this then just a routine shakedown cruise?” President Smith asked.

“There is, during its maiden voyage the submarine came under attack by a large creature and suffered minor damage but managed to destroy its attacker,” Admiral Tony said.

“Considering that we had a creature problem over Utah yesterday, I hope this is just an isolated incident,” President Smith commented.

“Well that’s how the Russians are treating it,” Admiral Tony replied.

On a cattle farm somewhere in Romania, a group of cows was busy grazing on the grass. But suddenly a winged beast swooped out of the foggy sky and made a low pass over the cows, startling them as a result. The cows stampeded across the farmland in panic but a streak of fire blocked their path then the creature lands behind the frightened cattle herd and roars.


Back at the Macy residence in Orchard City, Luke Macy and George Hills were in the basement playing a game of pool. George aims his pool stick at the white billiard ball and sends it across the pool table, dispersing the other billiard balls.

“Nice shot buddy,” Macy said as he prepared to take a shot. Once Macy had his pool stick lined up with the white billiard ball, he sends the ball into a red billiard ball which in turn is sent into one of the pockets. As George prepared to take a shot.
Sarah comes down the stairs and approaches the two men.

“Excuse me dad but the Hills family has arrived,” she said.
Hills takes a shot then sets his pool stick aside and heads upstairs to greet his folks as Macy pulls out his cell to call his family members.

In the living room, Betty was having a discussion with George Hills mother then Hills accompanied by Sarah enter the room.

“What’s up George,” one of his cousins said.

“How have you been doing Taylor?” Hills asked.

“I’ve been good,” Taylor replied then Macy enters the room and informed everyone that his family members would be arriving tomorrow

“Just in time for the big cookout,” Betty replied as Hills proceeded to greet his mother

Meanwhile at the California State Police Station, Deputy Sutherland entered Captain Bobs office to give his report.

“We conducted a through investigation of the site and concluded that the unit in charge of the search and rescue operation was indeed wiped out by a creature of some sort.”

“Did you find any evidence that supports that conclusion?” Bob asked.

“Yes sir, here are the photos,” Sutherland said as he handed Bob a folder.

“After I look over this, I’m going to call the governor recommending that the Redwood Forest be closed off till further notice,” Bob replied.

Under the Atlantic Ocean, the Virginia class submarine USS North Carolina was conducting a maneuvering exercise.

“Our depth is 1000 feet sir,” the navigator reported.

“Very well, stand by to commence torpedo evasion maneuvers,” Captain Henry Parks ordered. But suddenly a blip came up on the sonar screen.

“Sir I have a contact on sonar, range 22,000 yards, bearing 337,” the sonar operator reported.

“What is it?” Captain Parks asked.

“Contact is unknown but it’s giving off a very big signature sir,” the operator replied.

“Captain Parks the contact is giving off a sound of some sort,” reported another operator.

Once Captain Parks came over to the acoustic officers console, the operator gave his head set to him so he could listen to the strange sound. “It’s not like anything we’ve ever heard before sir,” the operator explained.

“I think we should check this out,” Captain Parks said as he gave the headset back to the operator. “Pilot set course towards the contact,” he ordered.

“What’s going on?” the XO asked.

“We got an unknown contact and we’re moving to investigate,” Parks explained.

“I thought this was a routine training exercise,” the XO commented.

“In this day and age where aliens and mutated creatures are the main threats, you can forget about routine exercises,” Parks replied.

“Sir I’m getting digital, infrared, and visual imaging of the contact,” Petty Officer Pendergast said.

“Bring it up on the main screens,” Captain Parks ordered.
The real time image appeared on the large flat screen while the computer generated and infrared images appeared on the two medium sized TV monitors above it.

“What kind of creature is this?” the XO asked.

“It sort of reminds me of an arachnid,” Captain Parks said.

“Yeah but what kind of arachnid?” the XO asked.


Before Captain Parks could reply, one of the consoles started beeping.

“Captain the creature is coming straight at us,” the sonar operator said.

“Dive down thirty meters to get us out of the creatures path,” Parks ordered.

The submarine swiftly dives out of the way but once the arachnid like creature reached the North Carolinas previous position, it dived down after the vessel.

“The creature is bearing down on us at 20 knots,” the sonar operator reported.

“Increase our speed to 40 knots,” Captain Parks said.

The creature headed towards the submarine with its mouth wide open but the sub accelerated ahead before the creature could close in with its jaws.

“Sir, the unknown creature just increased its speed to 23 knots and it’s still pursuing us,” said the sonar operator.

“By the way this thing is acting, it’s clearly hunting us sir,” the XO commented.


“That’s obvious,” Captain Parks replied then activated his earpiece. “Torpedo room, load torpedo tubes one through four immediately.”

Even though the arachnid like creature was outpaced by the North Carolina by a long shot, it still continued its chase. A few minutes into the pursuit, the North Carolina turned around towards the beast.

“Target is locked sir,” Petty Officer Pendergast reported.

“Fire 1 and 2,” Captain Parks said.

Two torpedoes shot out of their launch tubes and sped through the sea. The huge arachnid creature opened its mouth wide once again as it closed in on the North Carolina but suddenly the two torpedoes entered the creature’s mouth and exploded.

“The target has been destroyed,” Pendergast said.

Moscow, Russia

Captain Chekov and Lieutenant Boris were in the Defense Ministers office.

“The President has arranged a flight to Washington DC for you two,” the Defense Minister announced.

“Why?” Captain Chekov asked.

“Because not to long ago, an American submarine had a creature confrontation similar to the one you experienced and with the same results,” replied the Defense Minister.

“So where do we come in?” asked Lieutenant Boris.

“The American President contacted our President about the incident and once it began to sound similar to your encounter President Egor grew very concerned. But anyway, the American military is looking into the matter and your job is to assist in their investigation to determine if there is any possible link,” the Defense Minister replied.

Meanwhile at Area 51, Dr. Whitmore rushed into Dr. Kelly’s office.

“I have news regarding the creatures remains,” he said.

“What about it?” Kelly asked.

“After taking a closer look at the parts of the creature that survived the military attack such as the head, pincers, and tail, we have determined that they are similar to that of a scorpion but the creatures DNA doesn’t match that of a normal scorpion,” Whitmore explained.

“So it could be a mutated scorpion or a new species of some sort,” Kelly replied.

“If there are more of these creatures out there similar to the one we have, I believe it is our scientific duty to capture one alive and study it,” Dr. Whitmore said.

“The military would frown on that idea,” Dr. Kelly commented.

At the Pentagon, the head of Naval Intelligence, Captain Rogers and Lieutenant Thornton were going over the creature data from the North Carolina.

“This is the real time, infrared, and digital images of the creature the North Carolina encountered and engaged,” Lieutenant Thornton explained.

“Do we have any acoustic data?” Captain Rogers asked.

“Yes sir,” Lieutenant Thorton replied.

“Let’s hear it,” Captain Rogers said, then Lieutenant Thornton pressed the play button and the sound of the creature came through the speaker.

“All this information tells us is that this thing is clearly a giant creature, but without any other data to compare it to we can’t make much of it,” Thorton explained.

“Perhaps we can help,” said a voice then Captain Rogers turned around and saw two men in Russian Navy uniforms.

“I’m Captain Rogers, head of U.S. Naval Intelligence.”

“I am Captain Chekov. Commander of the RNS Penza and this is my combat systems officer, Lieutenant Boris.”

“We have information that could be useful in your creature investigation,” Lieutenant Boris said.

Once at the data analysis console, Lieutenant Boris placed a disk into one of the computers and a digital image appeared on the screen.

“The digital image of the creature my submarine encountered is a 100 percent match with the one your submarine encountered,” Captain Chekov pointed out.

“So our isolated incident may not be so isolated after all,” Lieutenant Boris commented.

“Let’s not jump the gun just yet,” Captain Rogers said.

“During our encounter we also gained acoustic data on the creature,” Boris said.
Lieutenant Thornton mentioned that they also had an acoustic recording from the North Carolina and suggested playing the two together to see if they matched.

“Play the recordings,” Captain Rogers ordered.
Once Lieutenant Thornton pulled up the acoustic recordings for both creatures, he pressed the play button and the roar of both creatures sounded the same.

“Acoustic match 100 percent,” Thornton pointed out.

“Let’s just hope that the encounter your submarine experienced was nothing more than coincidence,” Captain Chekov said.

“I agree because if they’re more of these things lurking about, they would obviously pose a serious maritime threat,” Rogers replied.

A few miles off the coast of Sweden, a Swedish flagged cargo ship was sailing towards the wide open sea when suddenly a huge pincer came out of the water, clamped onto the front of ship and drags it under.

A few weeks later at a trailer park in the California desert, people were going about their business, some people were spending time in their trailers while others were sitting outside.

But all of a sudden, a huge fireball came out of the night sky and impacted a couple of trailers.

“What was that?” one person asked as people began rushing out of their trailers. A few seconds later, a huge creature landed and roared then proceeded to carve a path of destruction through the trailer park, destroying many trailers in the process.

The next morning at Edwards Air Force Base, the base commander, Major General Jack Baker, along with fellow Air Force officers Colonel Steven Randy and Major Latia were having a discussion with Army Chief of Staff, General Michael Ryan.

“So when can we start expecting the departure of Army and Marine forces from this base?” General Baker asked.

“Will start moving forces in phases, phase 1 of relocating Army and Marine units to Fort Ryan and Camp Hughes will begin when the construction status of both bases reach 53 percent completion,” General Ryan said but before anyone could ask another question, Sergeant Jessica rushes into the room.

“Excuse me General Ryan, we just received word that a trailer park a few miles west from here was attacked last night,” she reported.

“Do we know who or what was behind it?” General Ryan asked.

“No sir,” Jessica replied.

“Send a unit to investigate,” Ryan ordered.

Five Joint Light Tactical Vehicles mounted with XM809 machine guns arrive at the destroyed trailer park then a group of soldiers led by Captain Charles step out of the vehicles dressed in full combat gear and armed with XM29 assault rifles.

“What happened here?” Captain Charles asked as he and his men fanned out to look for survivors and clues.

Two soldiers walked up to a giant print and found a crushed trailer at the bottom of it.

“It’s quite clear that by the size of this footprint, a giant creature was responsible for this,” Corporal Hawkins said.

“Captain Charles I found something sir,” Lieutenant Stampley said as he approached him.

“What do you have?” Charles asked.

“This video camera was in the on position when I found it sir, so it could be useful in helping us figure out what creature was behind this attack,” Lieutenant Stampley explained.

“Did you find any survivors?” Charles asked.

“Unfortunately no,” Stampley replied as Charles activated his radio.

“This is Captain Charles, has anyone found any survivors?”

“Negative sir,” answered a soldiers voice over the radio.

“We found several giant footprints but they don’t go beyond the trailer park,” another soldier said.

“Fall back to the JLTVs,” Charles ordered.

As the group of twenty soldiers made their way towards the vehicles, an unmarked helicopter came in for landing.

“We got company Captain,” said one of the soldiers who was manning his vehicle mounted machine gun then everyone turned around with their weapons drawn.
Once the side door of the chopper opened, Dr. Kelly along with a group of scientist stepped out.

“Find any prints and obtain DNA samples,” she ordered as Captain Charles along with two of his men approached her.

“Can I help you?” Dr. Kelly asked.

“I’m Captain Charles, United States Army.”

“Dr. Kelly, Area 51.”

“It’s ok people, it’s just a team from Area 51,” Charles shouted to the other soldiers who simply lowered their weapons.

“Pardon me Dr. Kelly, but we were just about to clear out when you unexpectedly dropped in on us,” Charles explained as one of the scientist approached them.

“Dr Kelly, we’ve obtained DNA samples from the footprints.”

“Very well, return to the chopper,” Kelly ordered then turned back towards Charles.
“Well Captain I guess my people are clearing out as well.”

Meanwhile in the Pentagon’s Naval Intelligence center, Lieutenant Thornton went up to Captain Rogers.

“Sir, I just completed a further analysis on the creature photos.”

“Did you find anything new?” Captain Rogers asked.

“After taking a closer look at one of the images, the creature looks more like a giant scorpion,” Lieutenant Thorton replied.

“So the two creatures that engaged in battle with the Penza and the North Carolina were giant water scorpions?” Rogers asked.

“I wouldn’t say water scorpions because the creatures also have legs which clearly point out that these things could go on land as well,” Thorton explained.

“It’s a good thing the North Carolina and the Penza nailed those things when they did,” Captain Rogers commented.

Back at Edwards Air Force Base, Captain Charles and Corporal Hawkins were in a small room watching footage of the attack on the trailer park obtained from the video camera.

“Are you seeing anything I’m not seeing?” Charles asked.

“I’m seeing the same thing you’re seeing sir,” Hawkins replied then Charles hit the pause button on the remote freezing the footage.

“We have learned a few things from this footage. One, the creature behind this attack has eight legs, two it’s equipped with powerful pincers and three it breathes fire,” Charles pointed out.

“It’s too bad the person who managed to film this isn’t alive to explain what happened,” Hawkins commented as General Ryan entered the room.

“Have you learned anything from this footage?” Ryan asked.

“All this footage tells us is that we’re dealing with a huge arachnid that blows fire,” Hawkins said.

“And that’s all we’re going to get from this footage,” Captain Charles commented.

“One thing is quite clear, as long as that creature remains at large the safety of California as far as we know remains in question,” General Ryan said.

“Which brings me to another conclusion General, it’s that this may not be the only attack to occur in California.”

“What are you suggesting Captain?” General Ryan asked.

“I do have friends in law enforcement and if you allow me to check with them I might be able to get some more information,” Charles replied.

“Do it,” Ryan ordered.

Prior to joining the Army, Charles was a Deputy with the California State Police.

Area 51

Dr. Whitmore rushed up to Dr. Kelly.

“We studied the DNA samples from the footprints and concluded that the DNA is from the same creature similar to the one we have but it’s not from the one we have.”

“Are you saying that another one is out there?” Kelly asked.

“Exactly,” Whitmore replied as another scientist came to Dr. Kelly’s desk.

“This is the data our search teams in the Redwood Forest found,” said the scientist as he placed a laptop in front of her.

After looking at the data, Dr. Kelly picks up the phone and called for the National Security Advisor.”

Back at Edwards Air Force Base, Captain Charles ran into General Ryan’s office with a paper in his hand.

“General, I just got this email from Captain Bob of the California State Police. It contains information about two other incidents they have investigated regarding huge creatures,” Charles said urgently as he handed him the paper.

Before Ryan could read the paper, the phone ringed and he picked it up.

“General Ryan here… understood, I’m on my way,” Ryan said then hung up the phone and told Captain Charles that he had to leave because the president just called for a meeting with the State Department, the Joint Chiefs, the head of Naval Intelligence, and the lead scientist from Area 51.

A few hours later at the White House, Susan from the U.S. State Department, Dr Kelly from Area 51, Generals Ryan, Kinsey, Hughes, and Admiral Tony along with Captain Rogers from Naval Intelligence were in the situation room waiting for President Smith to arrive then the president entered the room and told everyone to be seated.

“Dr. Kelly I believe it was you who recommended this meeting?” President Smith asked.

“Yes Mr. President, As you know when the first creature was shot down over Utah, the body was delivered to Area 51 where me and my fellow scientist have conducted extensive studies on it.”

“What were you able to learn by studying the body?” President Smith asked.

“We think the creature is a mutant scorpion of some kind and I think we may have a threat situation on our hands,” Dr. Kelly explained.

“Naval Intelligence has come to the same conclusion about the creatures encountered by the North Carolina and the Penza,” Captain Rogers said.

“Please explain what you mean by threat,” General Kinsey requested.

“In addition to the DNA samples taken from the creatures body plus the footprints from the Redwood Forest and the trailer park, we’ve concluded that there is more than one of these things and considering the attacks in California and Utah, they are extremely aggressive,” Kelly replied.

“Not to mention the attempts by the creatures to take on a Russian Navy submarine and one of ours as well,” Admiral Tony pointed out.

“Well those weren’t the only attacks,” Susan said.

“What do you mean?” President Smith asked.

“After the incident over Utah and the incidents involving the Penza and the North Carolina, their was another creature attack on a cattle farm in Romania which was then followed by the sinking of a Swedish cargo ship a few miles off the coast of Sweden and a small village in Brazil was also attacked,” Susan explained.

Susan placed a folder in front of President Smith who opens it and sees a set of photos.

“What am I looking at?” he asked.

“Those are pictures of the animal footprints provided to us by the Brazilian Army,” Susan replied.

“Did the Swedish and Romanian militaries investigate the incidents in their countries?” General Hughes asked.

“Yes they did but they weren’t able to find any creatures,” Susan answered.

“Ladies and gentlemen this string of unprovoked attacks by what can best be described as giant scorpions or scorpion like creatures is very troubling and what’s worse, we don’t know where these things are or what they will do next,” President Smith said with a tone of concern in his voice.

“Mr. President, I think it’s best that you are moved to a secure location immediately,” General Ryan suggested.

“Very well, and until a lid is put on this situation I am ordering our forces to DEFCON 3,” President Smith replied.

Meanwhile at the Macy residence in Orchard City, the big cookout that occurred early on in the day was over and the family members from out of town had long since departed.

Hills was having a discussion with Macy and his family about how excellent the cookout was when both of their cell phones went off at the same time.

“This can’t be good,” Macy said as he and Hills answered their phones. After listening to the calls, the two men quickly hang up.

“What’s going on?” Betty asked.

“Hills and I have been called to duty,” Macy replied.

Edwards AFB
Late evening

Alarms sounded loudly and ground crews were hard at work fueling the F-22s and F-24s as well as arming them with weapons in their internal bays and loading additional ordnance on the external points of their wings.

Tanks, armored vehicles, and helicopters were also being prepared for a possible battle while fighter pilots suited up in their flight gear at a rapid pace. Similar scenes were occurring at military bases nationwide

Many hours later in the base locker room, Captain Luke Macy looked at a small picture of his wife and two kids then placed it in the pocket below the American flag patch on the left sleeve of his flight suit and picked up his helmet.

A few minutes later, Captain Macy went outside and joined his fellow Black Falcon Squadron pilots who stood at attention when they saw him.

“At ease,” Macy ordered.

“Hey Captain the reason we are on such a high state of alert is because we might be facing a possible mutation problem,” one pilot said.

“What kind of mutation problem?” Macy asked.

“Possibly multiple mutated scorpions,” the pilot replied.

“Thanks for bringing me up to speed. I’m going to tell Colonel Hills,” Macy said.

“No need Captain, his squad members are giving him the rundown as well,” another pilot pointed out then Macy saw his buddy being briefed by his fellow Raven Squadron pilots as Air Force One touched down in the distance.

Captain Rogers along with Lieutenant Thornton and a few other naval officers entered the operations room.

“Proceed with setting up, the president and the Joint Chiefs will be along shortly,” Captain Rogers said. As Thornton and the officers began putting their equipment on a table, Colonel Randy approached them.

“Need any help?” he asked.

“We would appreciate it sir,” Lieutenant Thornton said.

Later that night, a C130 cargo plane was flying over Imperial Valley.

“I got something on radar,” said the pilot.

“What is it?” the copilot asked.

A few seconds later, a streak of fire struck the planes right wing, sending it towards the ground and a huge creature flew down after it.

Chapter 2 coming soon.

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Old 10-10-2012, 03:21 AM
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I did not finish reading your story, so I am unable to provide an over-all commentary. May I suggest you post your threads 3000 words at a time? I know you want to end each section in a chapter but time is an issue for everybody, if you read the posting guidelines in the FAQand follow them, you would get a better response in terms of comments from other members. I'll read the rest tomorrow.

But before the worker could move the cart, multiple screams were herd and a strange sound followed.
heard

President Smith stood in the center of the room and looked around as if to let the reality of being President set in, then sits at his desk and proceeds to open a folder that was already placed on his desk.
Just take a look at your tenses here.


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Old 10-11-2012, 01:02 AM
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“We have given the go ahead for the construction of Fort Ryan and Camp Hughes to begin,” said the head of the Armed Services Committee.
Does he have a name? You write like an army-guy. Your readers are not all military savvy.

Sorry, my time's up again. Do divide your next chapters up when you post them, I'll read it. The idea for the story is good and I see you have put a lot of planning into it.


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Old 10-23-2012, 01:19 PM
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Regarding the opener... with the Miners...

I am wondering how they are mining "blocks" of gold... As gold typically does not come out of the mine as blocks. It comes out from veins within the rocks, and often comes out as ingots and nuggets and such. Usually these ingots and nuggets still have an amount of other rock attached them. They have to be freed from the rock and then they are later, melted down into the blocks or bricks...

Also, the dialogue to me is a little too much. There is an over abundance of dialogue from too many 'no-name' characters...

All I see is...

So'n'so said...
So'n'so says...
So'n'so asked...

...said the So'n'so.
....asks the So'n'so.

...etc.

Who are these people? Sure, many of them are named, but there is no descriptive element to them. The pilot said? Tell me about that pilot, what is he wearing, what does his voice sound like?

I feel there needs to be more descriptive elements between the dialogue.

I read through your next parts as well, tough unfortunately I can't link them here as I don't have the post count yet to be allowed too

Rise of The Scorpions (Chapter 2 part 1)
Rise of The Scorpions (chapter 2 part 2)
Rise of The Scorpions (Chapter 2 part 3)

But, I kinda felt a little lost within the dialogue when reading those too. There was too much dialogue, and not enough of the descriptive element. Perhaps part of the problem could be that, you have a too many characters being introduced too quickly; and many of them are to me just a little too irrelevant to the primary plot of the story because not enough time is devoted to them to make them important.

You start with the Miners, then jump to the military... then you jump to Luke Macy, Rick and Sarah in Colorado who get all of maybe one quarter of a page, about a father taking the training wheels off his son's bike, and so on...

Let's take these people for example.

Give us a chance to get to know these people, what kind of bike is the son trying to ride? What does their house look like, describe the street they're on... tell us about them... devote a few pages to them; before you jump on to the Redwood hikers in California... and then devote more time to those Hikers as well, and tell us more about them too! Describe that forest to us, tell us about the various colors of the leaves and trees throughout the forest, and describe those massive redwoods!

Help us get to know who these people are, and why they're important to the story and help us see their part of the world as you see it.

Think of it this way, your story is your world, that you're creating for us from your imagination. You're painting us a picture of that world, you're trying to tell us how you see it, inside your head.

Now describe it to us, in all the glorious beauty that you envision it to be!

Otherwise, I think your initial premise of a giant insect/scorpion attack on the worlds population, doing battle with the worlds military forces, is an ingenious idea. Though I would suggest dedicating each chapter, to a specific countries efforts in this war. Not only that, but each "Part" of each chapter is a different perspective...

Scorpions Chapter 1 - Part 1 - This is about the minors.
Scorpions Chapter 1 - Part 2 - This is about Luke Macy, and his Son, etc...
Scorpions Chapter 1 - Part 3 - Now you're telling us about the Redwood Hikers, etc..
Scorpions Chapter 1 - Part 4 - Now you're revealing the enemy menace somewhere in the World!

This way, not only is it a painting, but it is an orchestra as well. Each chapter, and each Part of each chapter, is dedicated to different instrument in the Orchestra. Each instrument leading the orchestra through the song that is your world that you're painting for us...

First the violin leads the music through a slow melody as the people in the story go about their day... the miners are working in their mines, the father is teaching his son how to ride a bike without training wheels...

Then the french horn builds things up with the insects being introduced somewhere else in the world, and maybe even launch their first vicious attack!

Then maybe the flute steps in to add an element of soft humanity; as the world reacts to this sudden and unexpected attack from an unknown enemy! Maybe we see Luke and his son Rick watching this happening on the news... Then the President comes on TV to condemn this savage act as the Trombones and Baritones and the Tuba's come in, signalling the first efforts by one nation to gear up its military in response!

Each slowly introducing us to the music, until finally, it all starts to come together in the final chapters and then crescendos into a conclusion as one glorious musical masterpiece conducted by a brilliant Maestro!

Oh and sorry to put my post here on your FIRST Chapter even though I know you just posted Chp2/Pt3. I read through all the parts though, and felt my comments were best put on this first part!

Last edited by Naz'ratep; 10-23-2012 at 01:22 PM..
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